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[1094.08 --> 1094.44] Eek.
[1094.86 --> 1101.04] I, one of my favorite stories I heard was actually, um, and maybe Under Armour will have to clarify this for me.
[1101.04 --> 1105.62] But imagine that so much of life is like learning, like hummingbirds.
[1105.74 --> 1107.72] Hummingbirds move things from one place to another.
[1108.70 --> 1112.86] And so it's like, say you have a strength in one lane and you can do it over here.
[1112.86 --> 1116.98] But then I move it over to a different one and I, I just went from expert to novice.
[1117.66 --> 1117.72] Yeah.
[1117.72 --> 1126.50] Well, so Under Armour, from what I heard, they got their idea for the fabric of their gear from women's lingerie.
[1126.50 --> 1135.18] And so it was primarily then designed for football players because they didn't like getting tangled up in t-shirts because they were too baggy.
[1135.70 --> 1137.92] And so here's a fabric that feels good.
[1138.02 --> 1141.70] So people want to wear it and it's more confined to the body.
[1141.88 --> 1147.60] So it doesn't, it's not an additional obstacle when you're trying to do all these other things on the field.
[1147.60 --> 1147.88] Right?
[1148.10 --> 1148.22] Yeah.
[1148.70 --> 1152.48] So out comes Under Armour and this awesome product.
[1152.48 --> 1158.12] Well, then they realized that all of their smalls kept disappearing and they were like, what is going on?
[1158.58 --> 1163.38] So then they moved it over into women and they're like, shrink it and pink it.
[1163.76 --> 1165.70] Like just change it up.
[1165.72 --> 1169.18] And they moved it into another lane and then had to build on that.
[1169.64 --> 1176.10] And so imagine that this all or nothing thinking is rooted to some degree too in fear and failure.
[1176.10 --> 1187.00] And that just because you struggle, you're going to run interference with it and go, we're just starting at novice and struggle is a normal part because it's new and it's different.
[1187.26 --> 1192.14] So what can I do to help bolster myself so that I can have some successes?
[1192.76 --> 1195.30] So now I've tethered in positive emotions.
[1195.44 --> 1197.46] So guess what I'm going to want to do?
[1197.86 --> 1201.18] I want to go practice more and get better at cultivating that skill.
[1201.18 --> 1201.74] Yeah.
[1202.18 --> 1208.12] Awareness plays a big part of this because awareness and expectation, right?
[1208.20 --> 1218.84] If you are aware of, like you had said, if I'm going to go into this as a novice, I should expect certain things and be aware of how that's different from when I'm an expert in an example.
[1218.84 --> 1225.94] So if you're walking into a scenario where you're more of a novice or you're still learning or you're still growing, you should expect some struggle.
[1226.34 --> 1231.46] And to go into it not thinking that is just setting yourself up for failure.
[1232.10 --> 1233.56] Yeah, exactly.
[1233.94 --> 1236.16] And it's really totally unrealistic.
[1236.46 --> 1238.28] That's why we call this a distortion.
[1238.98 --> 1244.70] Bear in mind, as we're talking about these, there's always a nugget of truth to these distortions.
[1244.70 --> 1249.16] Just imagine that I'm standing in sort of like this concave or convex mirror.
[1249.30 --> 1250.22] It's still me.
[1250.82 --> 1255.42] It's just not the same typical Marielle when you stand into a typical mirror.
[1256.26 --> 1256.70] No.
[1257.00 --> 1257.42] A flat mirror.
[1257.90 --> 1263.84] And then I would have a very different self-concept because of that mirror.
[1264.60 --> 1266.00] Isn't that crazy to think about?
[1266.52 --> 1266.90] Well, yeah.
[1266.90 --> 1275.10] Well, I think what is interesting to – and I think you did this already, but to specifically say it, there is truth in these distortions.
[1275.32 --> 1283.00] And so you're not – if you're listening to this and you're examining some of the thoughts you're having and saying, wow, I'm thinking catastrophically.
[1283.08 --> 1285.68] Or I'm an all-or-nothing binary thinker.
[1285.76 --> 1288.26] It has to be this way or that way and it's always or never or whatever.
[1288.26 --> 1292.78] However, that doesn't mean that you're crazy and that it's not true.
[1292.94 --> 1299.96] There is truth in there, but you have to understand what the distortions are of that truth and how those are affecting how you feel.
[1300.30 --> 1300.70] Exactly.
[1301.02 --> 1306.54] And so with that, I want to talk about the next one, which listen really close as I say this.
[1306.66 --> 1306.90] Okay.
[1307.44 --> 1310.90] We shouldn't should on ourselves.
[1311.32 --> 1311.80] Okay.
[1313.24 --> 1313.76] Right?
[1313.88 --> 1314.44] That's funny to say.
[1314.56 --> 1315.10] I like that.
[1315.36 --> 1317.04] I know, but it's that same thing.
[1317.04 --> 1323.28] I have an external construct and I say this is what I expect of me, so I should on myself.
[1324.50 --> 1334.42] And just because maybe I'm good at this over here, then I expect or anticipate that I'm going to be good at it over here when in fact like, oh, no, I'm struggling.
[1335.22 --> 1338.22] And so then I start putting in like, what's wrong with you?
[1338.28 --> 1340.84] You should be able to do this.
[1341.02 --> 1341.18] Right.
[1341.78 --> 1343.46] And now I just start the berating.
[1344.20 --> 1346.12] Isn't that a source of encouragement though?
[1346.12 --> 1349.44] So at what point does that blur into this distortion?
[1349.92 --> 1353.14] Because like I want to, I say to myself, Adam, you should do these things.
[1353.14 --> 1359.14] And I can examine my thoughts and know they're not distorted in this case, like a distortion.
[1360.14 --> 1368.32] And it's like my inner voice, this we we just talked about before is encouraging, you know, the positive Adam is encouraging the negative Adam.
[1368.52 --> 1369.28] Adam, we should do this.
[1369.34 --> 1370.12] We should do this.
[1370.50 --> 1371.12] When does it blur?
[1371.88 --> 1373.04] It already did.
[1373.30 --> 1373.60] Okay.
[1374.16 --> 1375.00] Okay, good.
[1375.32 --> 1376.32] Let's dive in.
[1376.32 --> 1385.40] Because the issue with a should is that it is an external construct being applied to fit internally.
[1385.72 --> 1387.80] And that doesn't really matter.
[1388.48 --> 1395.86] Like, so I would rephrase it or reframe it and say, instead of considering it as though it's an encouragement, I would go, do you want to?
[1395.86 --> 1397.76] Not I should.
[1397.88 --> 1398.38] Well, no.
[1398.50 --> 1400.14] Like, is there a desire to do it?
[1400.20 --> 1404.22] And if you can harbor hold onto the desire, then go do it.
[1404.30 --> 1407.44] But it's very different if I'm to say, here's the mold.
[1407.90 --> 1409.46] Adam, you should do this.
[1409.58 --> 1409.76] Why?
[1409.88 --> 1412.36] Because Joe and Bob are doing it?
[1412.40 --> 1412.70] Right.
[1412.82 --> 1416.58] Or because Adam wants to do it and there's a desire that you're responding to.
[1416.86 --> 1417.10] Right.
[1417.10 --> 1421.60] And we've already talked before about the importance of playing a role in your choices.
[1422.34 --> 1433.38] So if the choice, a should seems to be based on what you're saying, that the choice is outside of me and I just have to fall in line to the mold rather than being an active participant in choosing.
[1433.90 --> 1434.16] Amen.
[1434.58 --> 1434.84] Okay.
[1435.56 --> 1435.94] Yes.
[1436.26 --> 1438.48] Because it's a qualitative feel.
[1438.96 --> 1443.28] And that's why the should can be, to some people, oppressive.
[1443.28 --> 1450.26] Because I would say, too, that to some degree, personality style, past experiences play a role in this.
[1450.46 --> 1459.20] I mean, you know, I know from my experience in sports and athletics, I mean, my coaches weren't always the most kind of individuals.
[1459.56 --> 1472.70] Not that they didn't have my best interest at heart, but I can hear very much a sort of internal narrative that's demeaning, that's unrelenting, that it's like, I don't really care that you're not sleeping or you're sleeping three hours a night.
[1472.70 --> 1476.94] Like, you should be able to get this done like everybody else does.