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[1744.22 --> 1748.18] Well, so let's talk about another one. |
[1748.58 --> 1750.44] What about mental filter? |
[1751.40 --> 1752.48] Do you want me to explain? |
[1752.80 --> 1753.42] Yes, please. |
[1753.52 --> 1765.68] So mental filters are picking out a single negative detail and focusing on it exclusively so that all of your vision of what's going on becomes dark or negative. |
[1765.96 --> 1766.28] Right. |
[1766.74 --> 1766.94] Yeah. |
[1766.94 --> 1768.76] I can dwell there. |
[1768.76 --> 1772.82] So I really identify with this one in particular because I can. |
[1774.08 --> 1779.90] I can pick out a negative detail in my life and focus on it exclusively. |
[1780.74 --> 1783.52] And my life, this is the exact definition. |
[1784.20 --> 1791.66] My life becomes, you know, not completely dark, but I can see how the cloud comes in and it covers more things than I want it to. |
[1791.86 --> 1794.82] It doesn't just cover the thing that I think is negative. |
[1795.06 --> 1797.38] It begins to cover the positive things, too. |
[1797.38 --> 1798.38] Yeah. |
[1798.38 --> 1805.30] You know, and then I start losing sleep or I, you know, dwell in my negative thoughts more or something like that. |
[1805.66 --> 1811.30] And this is one that actually gets to me probably more often than I'd like. |
[1811.66 --> 1812.10] Yeah. |
[1812.10 --> 1815.20] I don't know about you, but that's me. |
[1815.76 --> 1824.32] Well, I tend to be and I would say that from my experience, just always wanting to do the best, be my best sports, grad school. |
[1824.32 --> 1828.76] Like, I am always looking for how I can do things better. |
[1828.92 --> 1832.52] So it's easy to focus to some degree on the negative. |
[1832.84 --> 1833.10] Yeah. |
[1833.20 --> 1834.72] Because there's some truth to that. |
[1834.84 --> 1840.56] I can do it better or different or just some variation. |
[1840.56 --> 1847.22] So if I then focus on a detail, imagine that I just blow up that balloon bigger and bigger. |
[1847.48 --> 1851.40] And what happens to my vision as that balloon gets bigger? |
[1851.90 --> 1856.24] My vision of the whole picture gets smaller. |
[1856.24 --> 1856.96] Mm-hmm. |
[1857.58 --> 1866.94] And so it makes it – and this is maybe at the heart of some of what we're talking about in how we think is that we don't want to only be focused on the negative. |
[1867.96 --> 1870.82] And that even if there is negative – because there is. |
[1870.88 --> 1875.66] I mean, there's horrific, horrible things that people encounter every day. |
[1875.98 --> 1880.18] And I'm not saying these things to undermine those because those are real. |
[1880.18 --> 1884.90] And so denying or disavowing or undoing, those doesn't help us. |
[1884.96 --> 1889.66] But rather, we want to be more considerate that the positive gets to count too. |
[1890.40 --> 1890.50] Yeah. |
[1891.22 --> 1899.20] And I think living in denial or this naive aspect is – this bliss aspect is not good. |
[1899.26 --> 1903.74] You have to be – you can't lie to yourself about the positive or the negative. |
[1903.84 --> 1906.60] You can't discount the negative for the positive and vice versa. |
[1907.18 --> 1909.88] It's kind of like the idea of bitter and sweet, right? |
[1909.88 --> 1913.20] You can't have the sweet without the bitter and you can't have the bitter without the sweet. |
[1913.84 --> 1914.24] Yes. |
[1914.38 --> 1915.32] It's like kind of yin-yang. |
[1915.50 --> 1921.52] It's this sort of coupling that happens throughout many, many examples in humanity and life. |
[1922.12 --> 1922.24] Yeah. |
[1922.30 --> 1934.00] And so much of why I want to talk about these and why this is helpful is just recognizing if your channel of your thoughts is always on the negative, you're probably not going to feel very good going about your day. |
[1934.22 --> 1934.44] Yeah. |
[1934.44 --> 1942.58] It doesn't mean that there aren't things you can be positive about or around, but it's just going to make it far more challenging. |
[1942.58 --> 1961.54] You know, again, I want to talk about this more, but the idea of what do we do to combat it is we sort of imagine how you put on glasses every day that you could put on, like put in front of you what you want to try to look for throughout the day. |
[1961.54 --> 1969.86] Like, have you ever bought a new car and you'd never saw so many on the road, but then you're like, oh my goodness, they're like all over. |
[1971.06 --> 1971.46] Yes. |
[1972.46 --> 1974.16] For some reason, that's a reality. |
[1974.38 --> 1975.56] I don't get it, but it is. |
[1976.00 --> 1980.46] Well, I'm pretty sure they didn't just go dump a bazillion of that car on the road. |
[1980.60 --> 1981.80] But what changed? |
[1983.08 --> 1984.50] The fact that I knew it existed. |
[1985.12 --> 1985.54] Exactly. |
[1985.54 --> 1985.62] Exactly. |
[1986.16 --> 1989.86] So then you were focused on it and you looked for them. |
[1990.14 --> 1990.52] Okay. |
[1991.34 --> 1995.46] So when we're looking at going this mental filter, what do I do? |
[1995.62 --> 1997.82] Well, I want you to put on a different lens. |
[1998.14 --> 1998.38] Right. |
[1998.70 --> 2000.72] Realize they're there and understand them. |
[2000.90 --> 2003.86] And when they pop up, identify them. |
[2004.00 --> 2005.18] Maybe even take a note even. |
[2005.58 --> 2008.38] Like, hey, that's a negative mental filter. |
[2009.06 --> 2010.58] We should be aware of that more often. |
[2011.22 --> 2011.94] But here I am again. |
[2012.00 --> 2012.68] I said we should. |
[2013.00 --> 2013.46] Oh, see? |
[2013.66 --> 2014.70] There is a blurred line. |
[2014.70 --> 2015.62] There is a blurred line. |
[2017.48 --> 2019.02] Maybe here's the reframe. |
[2019.10 --> 2020.58] You say it would be helpful. |
[2020.92 --> 2021.58] It would be helpful. |
[2021.76 --> 2022.88] I don't speak that way, though. |
[2024.22 --> 2025.18] But I like the idea. |
[2025.46 --> 2025.78] Continue. |
[2026.52 --> 2032.22] Well, so, you know, I do this with my kids because I'm trying to help train up their brains |
[2032.22 --> 2038.30] to see things differently when, you know, it can be challenging when you're a kid to only |
[2038.30 --> 2039.22] see the negative. |
[2039.22 --> 2045.62] And so I started off at the beginning of school always asking them when I picked them up, like, |
[2045.90 --> 2050.04] what was the highlight and what was your disappointment or what was, you know, the thing that upset |
[2050.04 --> 2051.16] you and the positive thing. |
[2051.28 --> 2055.44] And then they came home with their teacher had done this exercise and talked about it |
[2055.44 --> 2057.26] in terms of roses and thorns. |
[2057.26 --> 2061.04] And so they said, what are your roses for today and what are your thorns? |
[2061.38 --> 2061.50] Right. |
[2061.92 --> 2064.54] And so then I tweaked it ever so slightly more. |
[2064.58 --> 2070.12] And I said, for every thorn, every upsetting or negative or hurtful thing that you encountered |
[2070.12 --> 2071.86] today, you have to give me two roses. |
[2071.86 --> 2080.72] And I'm probably going to keep increasing that because so much of, I mean, imagine how the |
[2080.72 --> 2081.58] weather affects you. |
[2081.72 --> 2089.04] I want you to imagine that the weather of your thoughts, that that contributes to the environment |
[2089.04 --> 2091.78] and how you feel going about your day every day. |
[2091.92 --> 2098.00] I want people to recognize that we have to sort of set our minds to look for that. |
[2098.00 --> 2102.82] It's not just not doing these things because to some degree we're going to do it. |
[2102.96 --> 2103.06] Yeah. |
[2103.74 --> 2107.90] It, I don't want anybody to be alarmed or shocked and go, oh, I do that. |
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