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2019-Brain-Science-Transcripts

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[692.08 --> 692.48] Yeah.
[692.52 --> 695.74] I think of it like a symphony in that there's different sections.
[695.90 --> 697.06] So there's woodwind and percussion.
[697.36 --> 706.46] And we want all of the sounds to come together because that's what makes it beautiful is this sort of, you know, harmonious sound.
[706.46 --> 711.12] And so if I try to amputate an aspect of myself and be like, you don't get to play.
[711.44 --> 714.76] Like, no, you fearful little kid side of you.
[714.84 --> 716.82] You have to shut up and shut down.
[717.38 --> 719.98] Well, that didn't help me do it any better.
[720.08 --> 720.84] Now I'm just in trouble.
[720.88 --> 723.56] And now I feel bad for feeling the way that I do.
[723.56 --> 727.28] Or now I'm in trouble for thinking what I do in fact think.
[727.78 --> 727.88] Yeah.
[728.46 --> 731.62] That's not going to help me do myself any better.
[732.32 --> 739.22] So because you're having these negative thoughts about Mount Rainier exploding and killing all of Seattle or whatever might happen.
[739.72 --> 741.50] You know, you're feeling negative.
[741.50 --> 744.00] So your thoughts are sort of affecting how you feel.
[744.08 --> 752.96] And that's sort of this kind of, you know, the circle of life with your thoughts is that you just kind of keep going round and round of negative thought, negative feeling, negative thought, negative feeling.
[753.38 --> 753.50] Right.
[753.58 --> 756.72] So then it definitely becomes like which came first, the chicken or the egg.
[756.88 --> 759.30] Well, it's perpetuating.
[759.30 --> 762.00] And so that is why we have to start with the awareness.
[762.18 --> 767.72] Because if I'm not aware, like, hey, Mariel, you realize you're imagining a catastrophe right now?
[768.62 --> 769.68] Oh, yeah.
[769.68 --> 772.84] So then I'm like, do you want to keep focusing on that?
[772.94 --> 776.26] Or what else might you choose to focus on?
[777.18 --> 783.28] So I could actually look, and we've talked about this in terms of coping, to identify the senses.
[783.62 --> 785.28] Like, let's just go live.
[785.64 --> 785.96] Right.
[786.02 --> 790.80] And that looks like what's, yeah, sensory data am I taking in in the here and now?
[791.04 --> 793.04] And then how might I practice gratitude?
[793.56 --> 799.20] How could I be grateful for what I do have, not the what ifs that could happen?
[799.20 --> 812.88] Would it be safe to say then, because your fear is in what could happen, that's sort of future focusing rather than real time right now focusing, that you're sort of thinking in the wrong time space?
[813.00 --> 823.28] That you're, like you said, you're not allowed yourself to consider what's happening right here, right now, and have gratitude towards it and be grateful that you're sort of like, this could happen.
[823.28 --> 830.94] And so my fear and my feelings are grounded in, you know, this fictitious future that may or may not happen.
[831.44 --> 831.74] Correct.
[832.10 --> 832.34] Yeah.
[832.34 --> 842.10] So, you know, I think I've alluded to this or stated this in the past about, you know, wellness being very much rooted in cognitive flexibility.
[842.62 --> 846.72] And that when it goes awry is when we have too much rigidity or too much chaos.
[846.94 --> 857.06] So some of this anxiety would be like, I'm living in the future and there's, it's so chaotic that I can't differentiate up from down from left from right because I told you the sky is falling, Adam.
[857.22 --> 858.16] The sky is falling.
[858.72 --> 859.48] Do something about it.
[859.48 --> 859.84] Yeah.
[860.48 --> 860.92] Yeah.
[861.08 --> 861.88] You were not listening.
[862.52 --> 862.96] Yeah.
[863.62 --> 863.92] Yeah.
[864.38 --> 877.06] So on the opposite end, if I'm looking at it, another distortion would be this all or nothing binary thinking, which is more of that rigidity that goes, I'm going to live in the past.
[877.06 --> 882.04] Like you, I'm sure you have never said this to your wife, that you're amazing.
[882.04 --> 887.30] But like to say, you never, you never do the laundry right.
[887.52 --> 891.14] You don't ever, you always say it like that.
[891.54 --> 891.76] Right.
[891.76 --> 913.80] Well, this isn't a show about Adam and his life, so I won't say anything, but I will definitely agree that, that absolutes often come in, you know, whether it's with relationships, whether it's with yourself, which is a, as we just said, a variation of a relationship or with coworkers or just, you ...
[913.80 --> 917.80] There's always some sort of absolute, I never do it right or they always do it this way.
[918.20 --> 919.36] I can never get it.
[919.44 --> 919.64] Right.
[919.72 --> 921.12] No matter what, I can't ever.
[921.66 --> 921.82] Yeah.
[922.42 --> 936.88] And it's just not true because it, maybe you're not living up to your own self expectations or the expectations of somebody you care about, but always a never, like that, it just can't apply.
[936.88 --> 937.32] Yeah.
[937.94 --> 939.34] What a good word to use instead.
[939.54 --> 945.16] So if you're having this particular distortion, how can you reframe my always or nevers?
[945.64 --> 949.52] So it really is in going, what is true about what I'm saying?
[949.68 --> 950.00] Okay.
[950.34 --> 953.74] So some of the time or like, it's specific.
[953.74 --> 962.94] I'll think about it in the context of interpersonal relationships and articulating a scenario in which they did do what you're trying to tell them about.
[962.94 --> 966.74] Like, I want to tell my partner about a time in which they wounded me.
[967.00 --> 973.96] Like, so I would say when you don't take out the trash, I, it, it upsets me.
[974.06 --> 974.74] I feel hurt.
[974.84 --> 975.82] I feel unimportant.
[977.40 --> 978.54] It doesn't mean that's true.
[978.54 --> 979.56] The trash is real important around here.
[981.54 --> 982.16] That's funny.
[982.70 --> 983.78] I like that example.
[983.90 --> 984.20] It's funny.
[986.18 --> 986.58] So.
[986.98 --> 992.82] What I heard you say that was you put a timeframe to it rather than like this always meaning it every single time it happens.
[992.82 --> 999.08] It's more like when this or you sort of put a timestamp on it rather than like it's an absolute timestamp.
[999.58 --> 999.74] Correct.
[999.88 --> 1001.30] I'm doing a specificity.
[1001.64 --> 1011.06] I'm going to, to identify a specific occasion in which this occurred because much of the all or nothing is rooted in conditioning of past experiences.
[1011.54 --> 1011.70] Yeah.
[1012.04 --> 1016.54] So it can, like, I might say, you know, you never follow through.
[1016.70 --> 1019.20] You never show up when you say you're going to.
[1019.20 --> 1023.26] And it's like, oh, okay, well, let's look back and go, when didn't I?
[1023.98 --> 1032.60] And so, and then be open to hearing from that person, like, what, what, how that made them feel or like what they could do differently.
[1032.96 --> 1033.30] Yeah.
[1033.42 --> 1039.94] You're touching too on criticism, which I want to dive into at a deeper level on a different show.
[1039.94 --> 1047.16] But whenever you criticize, you have to, you have to give different kind of data than just simply you're always or never.
[1047.28 --> 1050.30] Because it's not correct feedback for someone to change.
[1050.76 --> 1050.94] Yeah.
[1051.58 --> 1055.78] It, it, and it, it doesn't help at all because I don't know what to do differently.
[1055.78 --> 1065.40] It's just, you make it more of a global thing instead of individualized and specific so that then, too, it also breeds hope.
[1065.76 --> 1069.50] If I feel like, I mean, like I never can get it right.
[1069.66 --> 1071.98] I, I'm never going to, you know.
[1072.00 --> 1072.76] You won't try again.
[1073.20 --> 1073.48] Exactly.
[1073.74 --> 1074.06] Yeah.
[1074.06 --> 1083.78] And of course, of course, if you feel like there's no opportunity to do different, this is why it is such, it's so eroding in interpersonal relationships.
[1084.00 --> 1090.46] But so imagine if you're telling yourself that, like you can never get this one program.
[1090.68 --> 1092.60] Like you should just never try.