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... and my shorts could be anywhere. the tickle fight is in full swing so i dive back under to find my-
X
6.2
4
6.2
895
Male
... my shorts. i can reach them, but i'm spotted by-
H
6
4.363636
5.636364
895
Male
... eyes so i panic and blow raspberries into her belly. she's laughing, i'm reaching, and i'm putting shorts on blind with-
U
6.166667
4.5
6
895
Male
... one hand, whilst blowing into a child's belly-
H
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5.4
6
895
Male
... that men can't multitask. i'm safe now-
H
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894
Male
i lure the child off the bed with coco pops-
H
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5.2
4.4
894
Male
... make coffee and switch on cartoons, and i look at my partner in crime.
H
4
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894
Male
we smile. we laugh. we connect. and we check the calendar to see when the child is next with her dad.
N
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4.8
894
Male
... oh, hello. sorry, grab a seat, grab a seat, grab a seat. we're going to do a-
U
4.8
4.6
4.6
894
Male
... this evening at stand up tragedy fails better is we're going to have the poem, we're going to have the piece of the music, or whatever-
H
5.4
5.1
5.2
894
Male
... we have from each act. hello, come in, come in. wonderful. and then we're going to have a little chat about it. scott, first question, is this your partner on the front row?
H
5.818182
5.545455
5
894
Male
... basically going to ask, have you ever performed that in front of your-
X
4.6
4
5
894
Male
... these days? so i thought it was fun to watch. it's like george lucas being told that star wars was crap.
H
4.6
4.6
5.2
895
Male
... but, yeah. when i first wrote it, i did-
N
4.6
4.4
4
895
Male
... and said, "are you actually going to do that?" i said, "yes, i am-
X
4.4
4.4
4.2
895
Male
amazing. so that's the thing with that sort of true stories, do you feel like despite it being potentially-
H
4.9
4.8
4.9
894
Male
... i imagine very embarrassing for your stepdaughter and your partner. you still feel you have to embrace that and just go for it.
N
5.545455
4.454545
5.090909
894
Male
obviously, it was one of those things where it's like-
X
4.6
3.8
4.6
895
Male
... how do i tell anybody about this? because as soon as you start to approach it, you start looking instantly like a pedophile.
X
5
3.333333
5.083333
895
Male
and it is just tread the line between "oh, my god-
U
5.8
4.2
5.6
895
Male
... so i basically thought i'll do it in real time. i'll write the whole thing in real time so everybody's there with me, everybody can experience the pain blow-by-blow-
X
4.6
3.2
4.8
895
Male
so yeah, i thought that would be the way of getting over it. and i don't really have much shame anyway, so-
H
5.1
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895
Male
... so we forgot to say, the thing about varjack and simpson is we like clashing art forms-
H
5.416667
4.916667
5.333333
893
Female
... so dan is usually the programmer of all things poetry-
H
5.2
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893
Female
... and i'm the programmer of all things not poetry. it's like every everything else.
H
5.2
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5
893
Female
i think i want to call up-
H
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893
Female
so i brought her handbag so that she's at least with us in the space. and in her handbag is her-
X
4.4
5.2
4.6
896
Male
she doesn't wear very much makeup, she wears lipstick and eyeshadow. and the reason i brought this is because it reminds me of a gig, so i carry it, that's how she carries her bag-
N
4.2
4.2
4.6
896
Male
i've had some disastrous gigs as samantha and this one wasn't the most disastrous-
U
4
4
4.4
896
Male
... i suppose, it was a comedy club in wimbledon. and i do all right in this kind of setting-
N
4.6
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4.4
896
Male
... samantha does fairly well in mixed bill kind of gigs. comedy clubs are not her natural home-
N
4
4.2
4.6
896
Male
... she doesn't tell jokes. and i have a... i'm a contrarian. so given that it's not a good place for me to go-
S
2.8
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3.4
896
Male
... i think, yeah, if i could get that right-
H
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5
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896
Male
... then i would be king of the world.
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Male
it hasn't happened yet-
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2.916667
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3.166667
896
Male
but the dirty secret about samantha is that she's just me with a dress on, it's not really a secret-
H
4.7
5.7
4.3
896
Male
but i like to believe that when i'm performing as samantha people see samantha-
H
5.4
5.2
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896
Male
people say it every now and then, "you're so brave to do this."
H
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896
Male
i think all performers get that, every now and then someone says, "you're so brave to do that."
H
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5
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896
Male
and i always shrug it off. i say, "no, there's no bravery involved-
X
4.2
3
3.6
896
Male
... just standup and do it." but i realize that i think a big part of me is pushing away-
O
4
2.8
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896
Male
... which is that people will realize it's just me in a dress standing at the microphone. and this is-
H
4.6
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4.6
896
Male
... it's something that i find very shameful. and i realize it only occasionally.
S
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2.8
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896
Male
i realize it when i'm standing on george street and somebody shouts-
U
4.8
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4.2
896
Male
... "it's a man." or i was at a gig recently and somebody in the front-
N
5.2
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5.2
896
Male
... row kept asking if i was a man or a woman. and i feel like i don't have an answer to that question.
O
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4
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896
Male
there's nothing funny i can say right now that's going to dissipate this.
U
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4
4.2
896
Male
i've always liked dressing up in women's clothes, that's something that i guess-
H
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896
Male
... i have to accept. it's not that i think samantha isn't just a brilliant idea that came out of my head-
C
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5
896
Male
... samantha exists because i liked dressing up in women's clothes and when i got the chance to create a character-
H
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5
5.2
896
Male
... i already had a wig and i thought this would be really fun.
X
3.2
4.6
3.4
896
Male
i didn't sleep at all the night before i first played samantha-
N
3.2
3.4
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896
Male
... i was so nervous and so sure that people were going to point at me and say, "who is this freak who enjoys dressing up in women's clothes?" and i know that it's not unusual for a man to enjoy dressing up in women's clothes-
N
3.6
3.2
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896
Male
it feels strange for me to do it.
N
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4
896
Male
i remember being a teenager and dressing up as women's clothes at home.
N
4
4.2
4.4
896
Male
we had a room above the garage and nearly being caught by my father.
F
3.6
4
3.4
896
Male
i was in high heels and a skirt, and i was pretending to be ginger rogers.
N
4
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896
Male
and i mean, that's okay when you're five.
C
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896
Male
i think, but when you're 13 or 14, it's not considered acceptable. and luckily-
X
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896
Male
i think he probably heard me tattering about upstairs and tactfully decided to call from the bottom of the stairs.
N
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896
Male
it sticks in my memory, is because it didn't go well.
S
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896
Male
and nobody laughed. they all looked at me.
S
3
2.4
3.4
896
Male
most of them looked at me in a very confused fashion.
X
3.4
3
3.6
896
Male
they were waiting for the guy to come on and tell mildly homophobic jokes-
D
3.4
3
2.8
896
Male
...after me. and there were a couple of people-
N
4.2
4.6
4.2
896
Male
...here who were super supportive and it was horrible because they kept looking at me and smiling.
S
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3
3.2
896
Male
as if to say, "go on, do it. you're being really brave and it's-
H
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4.6
896
Male
...great." and it was that that was so horrifying. and i felt completely naked to them. and i felt-
X
4
3.4
4.6
896
Male
i felt ashamed standing there in wimbledon at this comedy club. and i've realized that that's-
X
3.8
3.8
3.8
896
Male
there's is no hiding the fact that i am just a man in a dress when i play samantha. and that i have to, if-
N
3.2
3.8
4.6
896
Male
...if i'm going to conquer the comedy club environment-
X
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4
896
Male
...which i haven't given up the idea of, i don't get booked for comedy clubs anymore.
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Male
that was the last time. but maybe people will forget and book me again.
N
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896
Male
that's because it went so badly, i dropped my handbag and everything went everywhere-
S
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2.8
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896
Male
...and i didn't have time to pick everything up. so now when i do my makeup-
N
3.583333
3.666667
3.833333
896
Male
...i have to do it with my finger. and every time i do it-
H
3.2
4.2
3.6
896
Male
...i remember standing on the stage in wimbledon with these people going.
H
3.6
5.2
3
896
Male
i think the thing that's really interesting for me is the tulsa the first time, really-
H
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5
4.8
896
Male
...i've seen you perform not as samantha. so do you ever think that maybe actually you're samantha in male drag?
H
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4.2
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896
Male
and i'll tell you a secret. don't tell anyone, it's prerecorded.
N
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4.6
5
896
Male
it goes out as live, but that's not how radio is done nowadays. it's all prerecorded.
D
4.6
4.6
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896
Male
it takes me, so to do a two hour-
N
3.6
4.2
3.8
896
Male
...samantha show, it takes me under an hour to record. to do a one hour charles adrian show-
N
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896
Male
...an hour and a half, and that's because i don't have a character for me. and a lot of the time i have to rerecord because it sounds too much like samantha.
N
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3
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Male
i can't let that line blur.
X
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Male
so yeah, it's much harder for me to be me. and i do think sometimes-
S
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896
Male
...the language and the samantha voice comes much easier.
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Male
everybody hates you except those two people. you don't have anyone on your side.
H
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Male
yeah, i mean, i could just buy another thing of eyeshadow and use the baton from that, but i haven't done it yet. and it's going to be a while before it runs out.
H
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4.2
896
Male
and where-it's going to be a moment, isn't it? i should hold a party, shouldn't i, when i find new eyeshadow.
H
5.666667
5.666667
5
896
Male
our next guest coming up onto the stage is one of the poets i booked. please go wild and crazy for tina [sedaho 00:03:56]. make some-
H
5.916667
5.583333
5.666667
894
Male
this is already going to be a fail because i've decided to have props and i've realized that props and a-
X
4.6
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3.8
883
Female
this is why we call the show fail better, ladies and gentlemen.
N
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894
Male
going to win. sometimes-
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Female
...kids do the craziest things. i pinned my hopes on a tongue twisting spouse.
A
5
2.833333
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Female
unaware that the sting in the tail of dreams is not that they don't always come true-
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Female
...but that thought's repeated a thousand times.
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Female
i made practical preparations as well. at home-
A
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Female
... i built endless cross country courses for my ponies, even jumping in and out of the garden-
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Female
...when i thought my parents weren't looking. i would ride around these with the theme tune to the horse of the year-
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Female