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he's got this thing... he's looking at something that looks like those big cuts of beef.
X
5
4.8
4.8
960
Female
you couldn't even see that there was a person attached to it. through some sort of-
X
5.2
3.8
4.8
960
Female
come home from work, pour myself a glass of wine and go, what do we have today? and-
H
6
5.8
5.6
960
Female
and we'd flip through some surgery pic-
H
5.083333
4.5
4.416667
960
Female
why'd you make that choice. and anyway-
U
4.2
4
4.6
960
Female
so from then on, for the month he-
U
3.8
4.2
4.8
960
Female
he became a fixture in my life and it was his first time in america. he wanted to meet all my friends.
H
4.2
4.4
4.2
960
Female
he wanted to experience everything i did. so he came to my yoga class and he was being san francisco.
N
3.4
4.6
4
960
Female
some protest. he volunteered with me.
N
3.2
4.2
4.4
960
Female
he invited my friends to dinner and made dinner for them and we even to watch barack obama's first inauguration because it was january 2009.
X
4.6
5.4
4.2
960
Female
and then, all my friends loved him. they-
X
5
4
5
960
Female
wanted him with me everywhere i went and if i showed up without him-
X
4
5
3.8
960
Female
one day, they would go, where's-
H
5.181818
5.272727
5.272727
960
Female
but this was very serious, but he did leave.
U
4.8
3.8
4.4
960
Female
and that day we did cry and you should know that there's nothing romantic between me and yiyer.
N
3.6
3.2
3.4
960
Female
it was just that we clicked and we love doing things together and he just turned on a light bulb in me.
H
4.8
5.2
4.8
960
Female
something that i'd never thought about in relationships and i thought maybe the next relationship i'm going to have-
S
3.8
4.4
4.2
960
Female
there will be compatibility, a look for compatibility. like somebody-
H
4.8
4.2
4.2
960
Female
i always had love and passion and attraction, and-
H
5.111111
5.333333
5.111111
960
Female
but i'd never even thought that you could be this compatible with a male.
U
3.6
5
5
960
Female
but in this case there was no romance or anything and little did-
N
4.2
4.2
4.2
960
Female
we know that two years later i would be living in london.
H
4.416667
4.916667
5
960
Female
i think it had something to do with being his true self and not being the-
N
4.6
4.8
5
960
Female
person he had to pretend to be. and before i say the end.
X
4
3.8
3.8
960
Female
skill is not, as i said someone who can change the height of microphones.
H
4.4
4.2
4.2
867
Male
skills i guess. it would be a handy skill for me to have though, as a host of a night. i do understand that. yes. right? so our next performer is-
H
6.166667
5.5
5.25
867
Male
please big boy, not the baths.
F
6.272727
2.727273
6
151
Female
and yet, not close enough. thank you.
H
4.2
4.5
4.8
1031
Male
we are in embracing ourselves. and at the beginning of the night-
N
4
4
4
867
Male
the first set was about not loving yourself, and i find it hard to love myself, and one of the things that helps me to love myself and i occasionally get those moments of loving myself.
X
4.6
4
4
867
Male
do we have time for me to do my song? yes, we do. okay. so we're going to finish on a song.
H
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5.2
867
Male
finish on a song. hopefully not knock over a microphone. harv, is there a plug for me to plug this into?
N
5
4.2
4.4
867
Male
because i'm very... i was too busy looking up star trek quotes before the show started.
H
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5.1
867
Male
the end of the show, which means i will remind you that this is the free fringe, and so if you can pay something back, remember all those tragic times, please do so.
H
5.3
5.1
5.2
151
Female
hi everyone. how are we doing? good, lovely. gosh, it's very high-
H
5.470588
6
5.588235
951
Female
so i've had one of these really weird edinburgh days when you're suddenly like, what the hell am i-
U
6.166667
3.5
5
951
Female
doing with my life? why am i doing this? why did i think i could do this?
F
4.6
3.6
5
951
Female
so i don't know if anyone else ever feels like this... this won't be very funny by the way, for the first two minutes. i just had this weird day where i was just like, what am i doing?
H
6.111111
4.555556
6
951
Female
am i a good person? am i listening enough to all my friends?
S
4.6
3.8
4
951
Female
to be completely honest with you? i don't know how i fix that. i try and listen more, but it's one of those things where you-
S
4.4
3.2
4.4
951
Female
if you know things like that about yourself and you think, okay, i'm talking too much, filming too much-
H
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951
Female
that's why i went into comedy, but, i'm talking too much.
H
6.4
5.6
5.4
951
Female
how do i listen more? and i try and listen more, and then the little voices come in and-
X
4
3.8
4.4
951
Female
it gets pretty stressful it gets sad, and i do sometimes wonder why-
S
5.333333
2.75
4.916667
951
Female
maybe it's the inherent need for procreation, but it's always that sense of you needing another person to complete yourself. and i don't.
D
4.2
3.2
4.2
951
Female
i've been single for a really long time. and i guess i'm trying to find the self-worth in myself that i can still be a valuable person.
C
5.2
4.8
5.2
951
Female
[inaudible 00:00:12]um, yeah. so i like to think of myself as a positive person.
H
5.6
5.6
6
951
Female
i'm not always like that. i like to think of myself as a positive person who puts positive energy out in the world-
H
5.916667
5.666667
5.75
951
Female
-usually when i'm not sitting on my own, having a little cry, but i don't always get that back.
N
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3.8
4.8
951
Female
i do get insulted quite a lot, usually by strangers. obviously my friends are wonderful and really supportive-
A
5.083333
3.833333
5.416667
951
Female
-i guess, especially for women is to insult what they look like. nowhere is this more prevalent than at the fringe when you have to fly with your own face and that's fucking brilliant.
X
5.916667
3.25
5.833333
951
Female
photoshop, yeah, like a lot of photoshop on it might work.
N
5.2
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4.8
951
Female
no, but i mean, i did pay a professional photographer a shitload of money to make me look that good.
X
5.6
3.2
6.2
951
Female
so yeah, i get compared to being a man quite a lot, and there's nothing wrong with being a man.
N
5
3.8
5.4
951
Female
i want to put them inside me, right? so that's not what the problem is. i just don't really want to look like one. got told once that i looked exactly like matt berry.
H
5.75
5.166667
5.916667
951
Female
now, if you don't know who he is, he's a very talented, very funny man. he's also a big fat man. don't want to look exactly-
H
6.090909
5.181818
5.818182
951
Female
you look really tired. are you ill? nope. it's just my face. but-
H
5.6
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951
Female
-this guy got a bit creative, got a bit different, and he said to me, "oh, lydia, that's, um..."
H
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5.2
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951
Female
handsome is an adjective used exclusively to describe men, okay? that is not a compliment.
C
6.363636
2.363636
6.181818
951
Female
just say, that's a woman. take the fucking descriptor out. that's a woman. yay.
F
5.2
3.8
4.8
951
Female
yeah, might be lying about that positive person thing. oh yeah.
H
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5.555556
951
Female
i definitely have my dips. i'm not going to lie. i wrote a really bleak song that i really liked, so i'm going to chuck in just before i go.
H
5.625
5.0625
5.6875
951
Female
i'll plug my show because god knows after you hear the bleak song-
H
5.090909
5
4.909091
951
Female
-i don't think you'll be able to absorb any of it. so my show is called lydia king: a date with density.
H
5.8
5
5.6
951
Female
it is not as miserable as the beginning of this set was. sorry. i had a review today-
X
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951
Female
-review actually, ostensibly, but i think the physical manifestation of that review was this-
H
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5.8
951
Female
-where he basically said that i was really great, and then he was like, "but not this."
C
4.666667
4.5
4.333333
951
Female
"but this is fantastic, but this is shit." and it's like, oh, what-
H
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4.8
6.2
951
Female
-do you want from me? i can't do anything else.
F
4.818182
2.909091
4.363636
951
Female
so that's why i'm in a weird mood.
H
5.2
4.4
4.8
951
Female
yeah, so my show is on at 11:00 pm at the underbelly at med quad.
X
5.2
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4.8
951
Female
[inaudible 00:02:39] so this is the second time i've stood up. you know, i'm usually sitting down. right, well-
H
4.6
4.2
4.8
952
Female
you might not be that sad.
N
4
3.166667
4
952
Female
however, i'm going to use my notes because i am going be talking about alzheimer's and i wouldn't want to forget anything.
H
5.428571
5.285714
4.571429
952
Female
that's the first joke, so that's where i was going to go. yeah, so my lovely, lovely grandma-
H
4.4
5.2
4.2
952
Female
-edna has dementia, and for quite a number of years-
S
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2.6
3.8
952
Female
-i looked after her, but now she lives in a dementia home in yorkshire. so can i get a big whoop for edna?
C
4.6
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952
Female
i mean, she can't... even if she was in this room, she wouldn't be able to hear you, so never mind.
H
6.272727
5.818182
5.909091
952
Female
all right. yeah, it's true. whatever. but yeah, we have a lot of fun-
H
5.545455
5.363636
4.818182
952
Female
-together. like on several occasions, she did great things with food.
H
5.636364
6.090909
4.545455
952
Female
for instance, once she burned all her sausages, and the fire engine... the fire engine?
X
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4
4.8
952
Female
the fire brigade came all the way out to where she lived, which was this assisted living. by the time the fire engine had got there-
U
5.4
4
5.4
952
Female
-where's all the smoke coming from? she'd eaten all of this.
N
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4.4
4.8
952
Female
so i'd get into her nighty, get her into bed, take her teeth out, put them in the little thing-
X
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5
5.2
952
Female
-give her a quick [inaudible 00:04:03].
N
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4.2
4
952
Female
go out, i'd lock the door, be walking down the corridor, and then the door would open. she'd... "bye."
H
5.8
4.8
6.2
952
Female
you know, she wanted to say goodbye to me, and that's very touching, very sweet.
H
4.4
5
4.8
952
Female
she doesn't now live near me and i don't get to see her as much.
S
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4.4
952
Female
that's the tragedy part of it. then there's another grandma, grandma-
S
5.2
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952
Female
-jan. still dyes her hair blonde, but the thing is, she used to be a guerlain salesperson, so she's really into makeup.
X
5
5.2
5
952
Female
the thing is that she's got parkinson's.
S
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4.2
952
Female
shaky hands, but she still likes to do her makeup. you see where i'm going with this?
H
4.8
4
4.2
952
Female
yeah, she likes to do her eyebrows.
N
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4.6
952
Female
[inaudible 00:04:52], doing a macbeth recit-
H
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5.4
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952
Female
-tal. actually the tragedy of that is that jan is in fact-
X
6.090909
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952
Female
no, she's yeah, she's fine. no, she just decided-
H
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Female
-to, and she decided. i liked that. she had the gumption to say, you know what i'm done with this. i'm going.
H
6.090909
5.909091
6
952
Female
oh, i mean, that's so unfair, isn't it? very convenient for him though. actually, i think all men-
X
5.727273
2.727273
5.363636
952
Female
actually i've gone and done some research into this.
X
5.444444
5.333333
5.555556
952
Female
i'm like, yeah, go for it. i mean, if edna turns into a lesbian now-
H
5
4.6
5
952
Female