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...in his backyard, and he lit a cigarette.
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his first of the day. i watched him ash carefully into the mangled clay ashtray that his six year old niece had made him. she was perfect,
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Female
...apparently. and his sister was just in love. she traded in the underused flat for a nice house in the country with her husband and little girl. and he said, she'd never been happier.
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he chatted away about his nieces' swimming lessons, and her little braids, and i let his words run together as i watched the smoke drift from his lips.
U
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Female
i am so sorry.
S
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Female
well, that penetrated.
S
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Female
i don't know if this is a good time to bring this up or when a good time really would be. but look,
X
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Female
it's just, that night when we were kids-
X
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Female
i should have called, it's just, that i was embarrassed and you were so nice and look-
F
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Female
i wish i said it earlier. remember that time i run into you,
N
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Female
...you seemed so happy. you had your degree and your boyfriend, your whole life together. what would an apology for me even mean?
C
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Female
and i asked if i could kiss him.
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Female
and he asked if i remembered how.
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Female
and i did.
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Female
...with 10 years of separate, but parallel development.
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Female
it tasted like a memory. and it tasted like hope.
X
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Female
it felt like my teenage years, it felt like right now,
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Female
every mistake i'd made in the last five years,
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Female
because they brought me back here again and again and again. and now for the last time,
X
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Female
my 14-year old self had seen where i belonged and-
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Female
...she'd planted a flag there. basecamp.
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Female
and i'd finally found it again.
U
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Female
i could light a tiny fire,
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build little house, maybe learn to knit.
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Female
we went to bed.
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Female
and afterwards, i lay with my head on his chest for half an hour, listening to his raspy breath.
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Female
he turned towards me.
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Female
you look perfect, bella.
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Female
i'm so glad we finally did this.
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Female
... technically did this again.
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Female
he looked confused. no, i mean i'm glad we finally did-
O
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Female
it was my turn to be confused. yeah. i know, i mean-
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Female
... did this again. you're glad we did this again.
A
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Female
he looked even more confused, and started to shift away from me. no-
A
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Female
... i don't want to be crude, but i'm glad we finally-
X
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Female
... had sex. i shifted away too. our hips disconnected, and the sheet fell away. ah, not to be a stickler, justin, but we've already had sex.
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Female
no, braddy. we-
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Female
... we haven't. yes, we have.
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Female
remember, i was 14. i came over. braddy-
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Female
... we didn't have sex that night.
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Female
justin, i think i'd remember. i lost my virginity to you 10 years ago, almost to the day.
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Female
no, braddy. you didn't.
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you came over that night, and-
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Female
... but i didn't. we did-
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Female
... i couldn't get it in. i grabbed the pillow to shield myself.
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yes, you could. you-
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Female
... no, braddy. i didn't.
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Female
i've been telling this story for 10 years, and it wasn't even true?
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Female
that means the guy i lost my virginity to was the next one.
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Female
what the fuck was his name? i want to say-
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Female
... tom. god. he was insignificant.
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this guy, the one beside me, or at least his past selves, which i had apparently invented, was the significant one.
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Female
the one that got away. not the one who couldn't get it in.
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Female
i know this is quick, but i really feel like we might have something here, you know?
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Female
hey, in another sense, this has been 10 years coming, right?
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no, it was 10 years coming with some other guy. some beautiful, diffident, undead guy, who didn't give a fuck.
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this was all wrong. this was broken.
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Female
but i smiled and said, "yeah-"
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"... you might be right. let's go to sleep, hey."
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i waited until he was snoring, and i slid out of bed.
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Female
i gathered up my clothes, dressed as quickly as i could, and then, finding his front door deadlocked-
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Female
... i opened his bedroom window, slid through it, and sprinted into the night.
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as i waited to hail a cab, one thought emerged inside to bang itself against the front of my head.
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well, i have got to leave-
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... [inaudible 00:04:06]. and i did. one month-
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... london. and i haven't seen justin since.
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Female
many of these performers, i think, we saw his show more than once. and he was in a very difficult slot, but i don't know. he-
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... member of stand up tragedy. evan, the award is a t-shirt.
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Male
it's a t-shirt. it's a t-shirt. but it's also our love and devotion. so, one of my favorite sons, tim ross-
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Female
well, it's quite... earlier on, it had that lovely, horrific, tragic, greeny blue-
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Male
... undersea feeling. now it's this warm kind of inside pumpkin-
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Male
... to me, because this is one of my favorite nights of the year. this is the night where you get to sleep for an-
H
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Male
well, one of your favorite sons, tim ralph, there.
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Male
... james also your son?i don't know. if james is anything, he's definitely, i don't know, is he like the godfather? he's more like the godfather of stand up tragedy.he's like-
H
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... an uncle that takes you to magical places. i don't know if that is comfortable-
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Male
... it's a very strange thing that gives people a lot of joy.gives-
N
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Male
... people a lot of joy, which is actually one way to describe this performer.yeah.she's unusual, but she gives you so much-
H
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Female
... joy. and she hosted stand up tragedy one night, this year. but for this-
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Female
... for us. it was for tragic heroes.
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and it breaks my heart. i don't want-
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[inaudible 00:05:55].
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quickly that, isn't it? [inaudible 00:06:01] happy men, don't we? because that's also-
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... who goes there?
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you flash ahead of me, like a flare.
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so who goes there? who's that up ahead?
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where's the fun that you found? that mischief you-
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... chased. patted down, underground, wiggle out with your hand on.
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who's that up ahead, with his feet in the clouds and his face in the air?
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and picked up your life in both hands.
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... an amazing performer, who you don't get to see as much.no.
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but when he performs, he is excellent.i think-
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... i think you can hear him perform at tragedy fails better. one of our other mashups.
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this may be the last time stand up tragedy's hearing me-
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... unless some tragedy befalls us.and you know-knock wood.
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you're saying-... keeping all the whole... making sure that-all of the-
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... and how can people find you, liz, and stuff like that, if they would like to pressurize you still to start a show.
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so in the future times-
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... whilst i am beginning to focus more in on my academic career-
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... i am going to be more on the social medias.
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currently, that may come in the future, but i will... i am on twitter, and i will be being more active. and if you want to hear some of my thoughts about policy. but also, i'm quite interested in the arts, and i will be-
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