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**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Exactly. So that whatever way in which their brain wasn't working correctly, we can sort of hiccup around it. And that really highlighted the vast degree of humanity and what we're capable of. And so what was hard for one person or what was a boundary for one person wasn't for another, and... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[35:57\] Yeah. When you put it back, you put it back with the label out, on the edge, stacked neatly... I'm just kidding. Yeah, when you go to the restaurant - you're almost sort of self-preparing for the server to take the plates away, or whatever it might be. What do they call that - prebussing. ... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Oh my word, yes, because you know what that is. Somebody who is in that job, doing that role, is going to look different in terms of managing their mental health, than say you or I in our jobs and what we're doing. I have an incredibly social job, but that is incredibly isolating. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yes, because you have so many people inputting, and zero output of their stuff, because hey, that's illegal. \[laughs\] |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Exactly, right. So I'm holding of this energy, so I have to barter in a way that doesn't look like how the input came in. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So understanding that this will look different for all people, and I really want to cultivate respect around that, and empathy too, because what fits for you won't fit for me... And hallelujah, that's a good thing, because this is the way in which the world works. So when we're managing ou... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Your particular experiences, who you associate with, the relationships you've fostered, different skills you've picked up along the way on managing sleep, food, activity... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yes, and so with that, when we're talking boundaries, I wanna think of it in terms of constraints... And that constraints are a really good thing for my world, because I'm very much in the line of fire and I'm on the front lines... I say "I can't be a first-responder in all ways." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So where I'd like to give to other people - I've always said I wanna get paid to hang out with people and drink coffee... Which is ironically so much of what I do, because I care about other people and I'm fascinated by humanity, so I wanna hear the individual stories... But then I want to... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. You've just made me realize probably how important this podcast is for your output... Because you hold so much in, you can generalize a lot of your experiences as a psychologist, and obviously not reference names, so it's anonymized, whatever you're speaking of. These are your experiences as a... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** I never even considered it in that way either, but you're right... Because I think I see these ways in which -- you know, they're broad strokes that are applicable to all humans, and I want people to 1) join in the social fabric to go "You know what? You get to be human, too. Oh, and you a... |
I can talk about things in terms of gender, or sort of expectations as being a female, a wife and a mom, and what those look like, but they're not gonna look like my friends or my patients, because there's -- I'm like "Nobody else has my husband." So I know... \[laughs\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** So we hope, yeah. Exactly, if you go back to the idea that DNA is unique, then we are all unique, and if our lives, if even our sleep patterns and our food patterns and our activity patterns and our relationships and our boundaries are all different, we're all gonna have a different life experience.... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[40:07\] Yeah. And I would say it's really what contributes to the beauty. When you think about the sounds that you like to hear, and the people that you wanna interface with, it's really in the way in which we're different, because I can learn something from someone else, and I had no id... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Diversity, not conformity. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yes. So the next thing I wanna talk about with this - we've talked about the physical aspects when it comes to managing our mental health, but I wanna talk about specifically now there's a key piece, and that involves the cognitive part. And because we're talking about being individuals an... |
So it gets sort of modeled and nuanced, dare I say, when we start talking about this, because... Like insight, for example - our brain's ability to have insight of, or awareness around things, is actually a cognitive function, so it's a part of my frontal lobe function. But I can't just say it's one little part in the ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. You have insight about insight, essentially. Awareness about awareness. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It's almost chicken and egg. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's what it really gets to when we talk about our minds. That's why it gets so difficult to describe even, because like "Okay, well, it requires the organ, but the organ isn't the mind. It's the interplay within the organ", which is just really hard. Even neuroscientists have a hard time describi... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, because it's so complex, and it's systemic, and it's always changing, the more that we know. It's just like we know that the way in which our lifestyle is changing with technology, that our brains are changing. But we don't know how. I can tell you that attention span is less. Far le... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You mean as you get older? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** No. That with technology and with all of the distractions of our world, because there's so many pop-ups. Imagine, just like your computer has 12 file tabs open simultaneously... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Well, I think it's this aspect of conditioning, which you've mentioned before. If you're conditioned to ignore 50 things in a day in today's world, whereas maybe 10, 20, 30 years ago you only had to ignore or discard things five times. So if you put a multiplier on the ignorance level of something e... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Or just this aspect like -- because ignoring something is sort of an attention span mechanism, right? You want to pay attention to it or you don't. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, it's like a decision. There's so much to this... \[laughter\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** This could be a whole different podcast. Let's give a sliver of it though. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[44:08\] Okay. Well, attention -- there's all different kinds of attention. There's sustained attention, divided attention, and then even shifting attention. And so all of these things play a role. But one of the things we know -- email, for example... Researchers have looked at this and ... |
I really want people to take home this sense of being in the driver's seat, and I want people to practice choosing with a deliberate or intentional way of where they wanna go as based on who they are and what they want. I do think -- this is cognitive aspects, like how our minds make sense of our world are very much th... |
I can say I have a sense of what starvation looks like, but I have never been to Africa. So my perspective, the way in which my mind makes sense of starvation is removed, is distant. It's only in book form or video form, or something distant. So that's gonna look very different than somebody who's actually experienced ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. Everybody's experiences are different, and how we see our world is based on those experiences. We've said this before - my perception of it and your perception of it is gonna be similar sometimes, if we're in the same scenario, but also very different... And that plays a role in how we feel ab... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. And so going back to insight - that is really a key part when it comes to managing our mental health... And I have to be considerate around my background, individually, in terms of not only where I'm from, but my biology, my DNA, as well as my experiences, and the way in which they ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[46:49\] Yeah. I had to google this real quick, just because I wanted to make sure that I had a dictionary-ish version of insight, so what defines insight. If I understand correctly, insight in the capacity we're talking about is the capacity to - and this is them saying it, not me - the capacity t... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Is it kind of like that? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. This is ironically another part of brain injury, that often gets impaired... Because people -- their brain, literally, the physiological mechanisms don't work the same way for them to have awareness of themselves in that way. So we all have this... I might not see myself completely a... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. "Come on...!" You're watching that Scary Movie - "Why are you going up the stairs?! You know better than that!" |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right?! |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[unintelligible 00:47:56.25\] |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, but this is at the heart of relationships and why it can be so challenging to interface with other people, because they literally don't either have the insight and awareness of themselves, or the way in which they're interacting with another person and/or hearing exactly what the oth... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Wow... This sounds like something you've actually experienced. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. But this is all of us, in different ways, to different degrees, all the time. So if we don't hold a certain degree of awareness of ourselves and what's going on and how we see things, it is invariably going to affect the way in which we make sense of our world and do our relationship... |
• Healthy relationships require empathy, compassion, and respect |
• Empathy is seeing someone's point of view, understanding their emotions |
• Compassion is feeling with the other person, wanting to alleviate their suffering |
• Respect allows for understanding and appreciation of individual differences |
• Lacking empathy and compassion can lead to contempt and offering unhelpful advice |
• Practicing inquisitive listening and asking questions can change interactions and help build trust |
• The importance of empathy in communication |
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