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MSP_POD_NLP

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but then, and i will also say that some shuru, a minority-
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opinion, but some do say, in islam-
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and he, i can't say went into-
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seclusion, but he didn't visit them for some period of time. i think it was-
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close to a month, something like that. so...
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there was one sister, i guess, like an islamic researcher or something. and she said-
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material wealth and the prophets, [foreign language 00:05:29], to put it colloquially-
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not going to buy a big house and live a lavish life. that is not what he was put on earth-
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for, and his wives were-
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so what did he do? he didn't-
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hit anyone, he left. and so that was the sort of, what can-
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they say? that seemed to be last straw for him. and there was no hitting involved that, at that point of separation, was-
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when he acts them and went along, reveal that person [inaudible 00:06:10] will have all the notes in the-
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in the description, not-
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i think that is-
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good evidence for the possibility of-
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let me get back to the example about one of my [foreign language 00:06:30], when physical-
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he said, it's not about disobedience simply against the husband, or upsetting the husband.
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so it's not as if, oh, you always make the coffee to-
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black. something like that. no, it's about disobeying.
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jess is inappropriately and she's always-
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well, i don't know if that's what he said-
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but something like dressing inappropriately, i remember that-
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that part, and that she's continuously doing that, and they've gone to other people to seek advice, to get help for their marriages.
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that was the example my shuru gave. so-
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when we talk about using physical harm, because even whenever that verse is translated in english, it never-
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quite makes sense in terms of our own-
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you don't beat someone lightly, when you talk about beating, it's always-
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it's harsh. hitting could possibly be-
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lightly, but then you'd also-
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have to ask, well, why would that be the limit? how could hitting someone lightly, or even someone would say hitting someone with a [inaudible 00:07:44], like how could that-
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be worse than separating from the bed? so, you know, [foreign language 00:07:49]-
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i'm not a scholar on these issues, i'm just sharing-
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that's the example he gave about physical harm.
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i absolutely, i shouldn't say absolutely, but i hate-
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just does not understand and nuance of any relationship as-
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even those with domestic violence. so women stay for many reasons-
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some may stay and probably most of them stay for more than one reason, right? so one or a combination of these reasons-
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most stay for the sake of their children. and some people may say, well, it's better to be a single mom-
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i would say yes, of course, in terms of finding a better relationship-
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or taking some space, or do i want to say, taking some space to be alone...
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it would be better to me to be alone than to be in an abusive relationship.
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at the same time, she's also going to lose financial support. even if he-
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child support will almost always be less than what you would have.
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kids, or when he's working, you're with the kids, whatever it is, having that emotional support, even can-
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another reason women, they could be because of their relationship, with or without kids. so i just said-
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but i was very careful to say almost, because-
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at the time the relationship is good, but when we get into these heated arguments, then he may-
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hate me, for some women-
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physical intimacy. they may feel that all of that-
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unfortunate that people diminish that because the more you diminish that
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the less you'll be able to understand why some women stay in those kinds
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that either, i think men-
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just the way that, this is what they were taught was a part of love through what they were shown through their parents. they love them, but-
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...the other person triggers them. you can love someone and treat them badly...
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...or because of you, because something is wrong with you, and your anger issues. so you should to tell...
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...that her husband doesn't really love her because he hits her, i also don't ...
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... feel is useful.
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i do not believe you can help anyone if you're not willing to understand them, and understand why they're doing what they're doing to some degree, have some kind of...
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...thing that could happen to any woman, but the women who stay are...
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...probably, again, a lot of them are alone, but are probably woman who don't...
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...have familial or communal support.
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like the lowest of men, and sadly, it's not even funny, but sadly get with almost the lowest of men that no one wanted in our community.
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again, not just get involved but stay in domestic violence,
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but they were telling me that their mother had told their daughter...
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...basically if your husband hits you or something like that, don't come crying back to me, because essentially she would always try and teach the daughter...
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...different feminine household skills while the daughter was focused on education and her...
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...husband, the girl's father also supported her in her educational pursuits.
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...so her mother said something like that, like...
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...don't ever come crying back to this house if you get hit.
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...coming from a more traditional culture...
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the essence of that can still happen to, or it's possible...
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...anywhere, which is that if you don't have a home to go back to, it's going to be a lot harder to leave an abusive marriage. if your parents...
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...or a number of other things that would lead you to believe that you're not so welcome...
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...to leave a marriage with domestic violence. if you don't feel like you can come back home, then you won't...
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...be able to leave, you have to have somewhere to go to leave. and i believe it's about...
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...but something about one out of five women after divorce live in poverty. so, clearly in america, that's a real issue,
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...but the money that the men end up paying after divorce sometimes...
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...something like that. i forget the name of it, but...
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...women are getting a few dollars, less than a hundred dollars a month for child support. because if you're not dealing with a wealthy man, chances are, you're not going to get a lot of money from...
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... back, it's going to be very difficult to leave an abusive marriage.
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...their husband is abusive, or even if they just are having a lot of issues or whatever it is...
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...don't completely remember, but if you're experiencing domestic violence...
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...do it from the beginning, if you're not sure if you're going to leave or not, or you want to work on a marriage, is to take your children out of that household and to...
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...an uncle and aunt, whoever that can take care of them for a period of time, while you attempt to work on your marriage. so, if there was domestic violence...
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... put your children elsewhere and try to work on the marriage. but...
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...that also involves community...
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...involvement. if a woman doesn't feel like there's somewhere safe, that she can keep her children, or people who can help her with her children, if she needs to...
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the last thing i'll say is that, of course, in our communities, in general, as muslims, we really...
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...need to evolve our thinking. the funny thing is that...
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...anti-woman or misogynistic it isn't. but it has to do with what we highlight in the religion, and what we don't highlight. so everyone knows the verse about...
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...quote, unquote, hitting your wife, if that's really what is meant...
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but let me also say that...
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...it is very detailed in the fiqh when that would even be a possibility.
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again, it's not about, the food tastes like...
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...there isn't any beating your wife up in islam like there...
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...bruise, bleeding. so if anything, as i gave that example that my shuyukh gave, it should really, instead of...
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...beat lightly, which doesn't even logically make any sense.
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it should really say physical force or something like that, because that's a more nuance. and then would lead someone who reads that first to go and read the fiqh.
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beating is domestic violence. but if it were to say physical force...
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