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MSP_POD_NLP

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... from her husband to her habiba bint sahl, and then she sought a divorce and that the prophet [inaudible 00:04:59]
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... salam allowed her to be divorced from her husband without any complication from the hadith. that's what appears to be the case.
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the first thing i-
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... want to say is that-
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... to be able to realize that this religion is not meant to-
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... oppress anyone. no one is supposed to be oppressed in this-
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... religion. so even while men may have the upper hand-
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... in some things, women may have the upper hand in some things,
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no one is meant to be oppressed by this religion. so if you're-
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... it's a bit more difficult for women to get a divorce than men.
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today i don't have it with me, in front of-
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... me, but insha allah to allah, i will find it and link it in the description.
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there was another really famous case of a woman who didn't want to be with her husband. it wasn't explicitly-
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... to her to stay with him. he really wanted to remain-
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... with his wife, but she didn't want to be with him. and so the prophets [inaudible 00:06:12] actually interceded on his behalf and said, "you know why-
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... something like, "why don't you want to make it work with your husband?"
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she asks, which is such a beautiful line, so many beautiful-
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... "are you commanding me to remain married to my husband?"-
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... explained, i've never heard anyone say why she didn't want to be with him. so we-
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... don't know, is there abuse or was there just a loss of love or something else we don't know,
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eventhough he felt bad for the man, and interceded on his behalf, did not force her and did not make it difficult for her to get a divorce. so i don't-
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... give us a strong-
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... what we see in both cases are women who make it very clear. they do not want to be with their -
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...husband. so i think it's, it's just important to say women have the right to leave an abusive husband.
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my [sheikh 00:07:15] saying that if a man was driving a woman crazy and you know, he did-
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questions, but he said that she has a right to leave him. so if-
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... he's just, you know, whatever, either he's lost his mind or he's physically beating her up or whatever, no muslim must stay in an-
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... have to have some... we have to be in touch with our fitrat to some degree. and the-
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... to me and what i've heard, at least one of my sheik say, if any of those situations,
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especially of extreme abuse are happening,
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i think it is far more important to leave immediately and then seek out a sheikh than to wait for-
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... have to live with oppression. and some people may say, well, what-
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... not, but to me, if your wife gets to a point and we have to emphasize wife again, because it's a lot more straightforward for a man to-
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... seek a divorce in his home.
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if your wife does not want to be with you unequivocally. so she's not saying-
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... cool for a period of time that she does not want to be with you,
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what is the benefit of holding on to a marriage like that?
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and you know, there's a space-
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... of who should you give gone to family members.
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we've talked about it, you've done whatever-
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... you felt was both possible and necessary to make the marriage work,
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are you really me that you're just going to trap her into the marriage? just because it's more difficult for her to get a-
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... divorce? you're just going to trap her into that marriage?
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for what benefit for whose benefit. and then i guess every night.
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you're going to force her to sleep with you?
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what low, how lowly other vision do you have to have for yourself in your own life to think that that's the best you're going to get out of your life, that this is your wife-
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... now, and maybe you'll never get another wife, maybe-
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... that where is the logic?
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that's abuse. you should stay in your marriage. and for sure,
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i'm at this moment-
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... i'm talking about women who unequivocally know they want a divorce, not women who are wavering. that's a different case, but-
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...you are sure, you-
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want a divorce, you're not putting up with an abusive marriage-
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anymore. whatever abuse means to you, because the funny thing is that assure you or your husband or whoever on the-
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...outside may say, well, that's not abuse. that's not a big deal.
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yes. get all the help that you can before you jump to divorce.
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but how is that islamic? how does that, that go to the heart of islam in any way? and even fiqh wise-
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i mean, fiqh wise, it's a little more defined. so if there is abu-
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...physical abuse, i don't know if the fiqh outlines that at all, but actually, that's a good example. so someone may-
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abuse me, he calls me names-
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does all these things, i'm emotionally abused by him.
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i put up with this for x number of years.
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why someone would force a woman to stay in a marriage that she is completely-
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completely done with. we're not talking about a woman who's wavering, a woman who is done with that marriage, who every time she-
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why would a man want to be in a marriage like that?
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you know, i can't say...
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so that like, i cannot say obviously, so just get a divorce, or like, get a divorce in a secular court or something like-
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i think we have to also be in touch with ourselves. if you're done, you're done.
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why you would make yourself suffer like that?
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i really feel like we have to be in touch with our own selves, and know that as an overarching theme of our faith-
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the woman who is not unequivocal. so...
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by putting forth the hadith, where-
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by her husband, and she requested a divorce-
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he's saying that a woman should leave if there's abuse. i-
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i mean, i don't think she shouldn't leave either. when there's abuse, it-
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it is always going to be on a case by case basis. now, if it's-
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extreme violence, then i think that-
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core state should, if your husband is threatening to kill you, if he's beating you up to the point where it shows or it-
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...disables you, i mean i know the [inaudible 00:02:49]-
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i don't think you need a clear assignment not to leave that kind of marriage.
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but there are some women who a-
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you know, duking it out on a mutual fight with their husband.
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and that's because the basic overview is that you should leave a marriage like that. if there is domes-
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domestic violence, you should leave, but it doesn't-
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domestic violence are not how complicated relationships are, and how a woman in that situation-
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one, may not necessarily see herself as a victim, but two-
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duplicated.. so there may be good days-
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it can be so many different things, but-
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no one is in a relationship.
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i remember debating with one of my professors about this, but-
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i don't know that it's actually helpful to the woman in that situation. because-
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her being in a relationship where there is violence does not mean that she necessarily sees herself as a victim.
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and i know that a lot of people hate the idea of a woman talking about, or trying to sort of highlight her role in the dysfunction and i-
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may do it, it doesn't make hitting your wife okay.
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i mean, maybe i won't say no matter what, the like-
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...appropriate. i remember one of my [shuru 00:04:28] just to give this example-
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but because it clearly-
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and in a marriage that women, our role is on the inside and men, their role is on the outside, and it gives a perfectly balanced view of not-
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but masculinity and femininity before it gets to-
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but what happens when there are difficulties in your marriage?
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