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so i don't think she's... the awful thing is, a couple of times when she's been out of it, and i'm sure she's out of the building-
H
5.6
5.4
4.9
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Female
i've heard a little bell ringing somewhere. so, i'm not sure if... anyway. but that's... i should say-
H
5.416667
5.666667
4.916667
927
Female
i mean, stand up to me is of those evenings where i don't know what you're expecting. i don't have time to ask you all, but it would be nice-
H
5.666667
5.333333
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927
Female
... now i've said too much. i was doing rather well two or three minutes ago, wasn't i? and now i've done so. what we should probably-
N
5.2
5.2
6
151
Female
everybody in the bizarre love pentagon was also in edinburgh.
X
4.6
3.8
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957
Female
my sister was amazing. she still is amazing-
H
6
6.090909
5.727273
957
Female
... when i'm struggling. and she kind of took care of my parents and she left me-
S
4.4
4
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957
Female
... the space to do what i needed to do, which was to have a breakup conversation without really ever having the relationship.
C
5.2
3.8
4.4
957
Female
so, i met the guy that i was in love with. we went out for breakfast-
D
4.8
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5.2
957
Female
edinburgh morning to a cafe. and i had to explain to him that-
N
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3.6
4.2
957
Female
... even though i cared really deeply about him, we couldn't be lovers in the future.
S
4.2
4.2
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Female
there was the risk that of if his marriage broke up, he would return to the states where he was from and if i thought about that for too long-
X
5
4.6
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957
Female
... it was like this massive hole opened up in front of me.
X
4
3.6
4.4
957
Female
so i was just trying not to think about it. and he was obviously very upset at how hurt i was but-
X
3.636364
2.909091
4.363636
957
Female
... i do also remember him saying edinburgh is probably a really good place to be depressed.
X
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3
4.2
957
Female
like he had been broken hearted once in san francisco, you know?
S
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4
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Female
tanned, healthy, happy people around him and the sun was shining and it was like this personal affront from the universe.
C
5.5
4.9
5.1
957
Female
i guess it's gray stone and rain and this big fucking mountain in the middle of it all-
A
5.909091
4
5.727273
957
Female
... you know? it's like, everything is attuned with your feelings. so, if you're going to choose a place to be depressed-
X
4.6
3.8
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957
Female
... after that conversation in the cafe-
H
5.055556
5.166667
4.944444
957
Female
we... i kind of death walked around edinburgh for few days.
N
4.6
4.2
5.2
957
Female
depressives aren't really good company. we're really preoccupied with ourselves.
H
4.6875
4.1875
4.5625
957
Female
i remember saying once, probably in response to a totally banal question from my sister like, "do you want to go for dinner tonight?" saying, "no."
H
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Female
"i want to go back to london and jump off waterloo bridge."
S
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Female
and i can laugh about it now because i sound like a stroppy 16 year old, and it wasn't a genuine suicide threat-
H
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4.466667
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Female
... but i knew that i didn't have the wherewithal to change that.
S
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3
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Female
i didn't, couldn't work. i didn't want to work-
S
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Female
and i think i needed that. and that's why i had to leave london.
N
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Female
because could not afford to do that in london.
X
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Female
there were... it felt like a huge victory-
X
5
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957
Female
... if i managed to make it out of the house for simple things.
X
4.454545
3.545455
4.636364
957
Female
i was trying to go for a run every day, just because, you know, exercise-
H
4.666667
4.333333
4.833333
957
Female
... it's meant to help you when you're depressed. but i have been a super fit, half marathon running depressive and i guess it just doesn't work for everybody, but i try to do it anyway.
H
5.454545
5.181818
5.363636
957
Female
and there were other moments when i didn't want to be here anymore.
S
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Female
and then i thought i don't want to do that.
F
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Female
and that period was a real turning point for me.
H
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5.181818
5.272727
957
Female
i went to see a doctor. i got on meds.
X
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Female
i got counseling and i started to claw my way out of it.
S
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Female
i learned a lot from those two years of depression-
N
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Female
... and i've been a depressive since my teens.
X
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Female
i know this is something that's not going to go away but-
X
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Female
... having survived it makes me feel like i could again. and that feels like the sort of agency that i need-
H
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Female
... over myself. if that makes any sense.
N
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Female
... is there, kind of at the edge of my vision, like a sort of dark cloud and i have a list of fears in my head of things that, if they happened-
X
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Female
... i don't know what i would do. and it makes me scared of myself-
F
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Female
... but i try not to think about them too much because the other thing that those two years told me is that i just really have to live today.
X
4
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957
Female
i've seen it. it's very, very good. and i haven't seen any hitchcock films and i still think it's good. so i recommend that to anybody.
H
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Female
how are we doing? there are some chairs around the place if you wanted to come in and sit down.
H
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4.818182
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Female
oh, or leave, yes. that's also good. yes. taking the opportunity.
H
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Female
there we are. so now you've got some chairs to slip into if you wanted to.
X
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Female
i'm going to ask this again. how are we doing? are we all right?
D
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Female
yes. good, good. so just... i was going to say put up your hand if you're not-
H
5.5
5.083333
4.916667
927
Female
... but i can't see you so it doesn't... well, you can still put up your hand-
N
3.4
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4
927
Female
... but it won't. right. i'm going to ask this. so i met-
N
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4
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Female
... when i was at the buxton fringe festival, which i also recommend to anyone. it's a lovely little festival.
H
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Female
once you get talking to them. they're not friendly on first sight, but they are-
H
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5
927
Female
... and then when you talk, they're actually all right on the inside, so-
H
5
5
4.8
927
Female
... rather the opposite of kensington where i live.
H
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6
5.2
927
Female
so, there he stayed. and i was fortunate enough to meet [joanne tremarco 00:09:06] and her... can i call her partner, chris?
H
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6.181818
5.636364
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Female
i don't want to tread on any that's... that's all right. is it right? jolly good. so, partner, chris, and he's a man. i mean, i'm not saying it's not that i'm, you know, there's no... but i mean, he's... i'm just-
H
5.777778
4.888889
5.222222
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Female
jolly difficult these days. anyway. so, i'm going to ask-
H
5.916667
5.666667
5.25
927
Female
i'm going to ask joanne to come up and ladies and gentlemen, you were wonderful last time with the applause-
H
5.181818
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4.909091
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Female
i mean, i was thinking we would just do a practice and then do a real run but you were so good. we just carried on didn't we? so i want you to do that again. ladies and gentlemen-
H
4.6
4.8
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Female
... right? jolly good. entertainment for-
H
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Female
... the adults, at least. i don't know. you look too young to be... you should probably not be. so, is it warm in the room? i should ask that. how are we feeling towards the back.
H
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5.2
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Female
little cherubs of... medium. because it is a room-
X
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Female
i mean, obviously, it's monday, so it's not the hottest day. if you were here on saturday-
N
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Female
in this basement... oh, it's not a basement, but it feels like a basement, and so, well, anyway, just to say, if you think you're going to faint, probably the best thing is to stay where you are, because obviously if you stand up, you'll faint. so-
U
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Female
poor part of cornwall, and there isn't really much for people, and there are some awful things that go on there, like there are everywhere-
X
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Female
so fair enough, ma'am. but it's not, you see-
N
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Female
i thought i was really beautiful, mainly because i'm really short-sighted and i didn't wear my glasses, and then when i got contact lenses-
N
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Female
... when i was 15, i saw my face for the first time, and i was quite horrified.
X
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Female
and then i discovered when i was 32 and i was in a filming thing with johnny vegas-
H
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Female
... i had in it. "she's not bad for a plain girl," and that was me, and i was quite shocked.i had no idea. and then johnny vegas and the writer had a chat about who would play us.
H
6.111111
5.888889
5.555556
958
Female
this series and know it, or they've never heard of it. it was a real cult series. it was buried by-
N
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958
Female
but anyway, they had a chat about who would play us if it was a famous cast. so johnny said he would be played by peter kay.
H
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5.545455
5.636364
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Female
and i would be played by pam ayres, the little shit.
H
5.636364
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Female
so yeah, and i saw a photograph of pam ayres the other day on a book and had another little cry whilst eating a flapjack.
H
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Female
so i was thinking, "well, i'm not going to talk about really tragic"-
N
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Female
... "things, because i've not thought them through enough to do them justice." so i was thinking about the pathetic-
N
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Female
it's so pathetic. i was thinking about things like saying things aren't tragic-
O
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Female
... in a tragic kind of way. so let's try it. i almost left my iphone in a hammock.
S
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Female
this bit is just weird and kind of boring, because i don't feel like i've got much to tell you about myself in real-
X
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Female
that's just me being sad on flapjacks again. so anyway, i'll just show you how plain i am. if you can't-
H
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Female
... look like kate bush, and i dance like britney spears.
H
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Female
... he had, and had battenberg crumbs down his waistcoat. "darling, i put on the television."
S
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Female
"help me with it, would you?" top line, eight, gap one, or-
H
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Female
gap, gap, five.oh, fred. as you sit there now, listing numbers in a sort of drone whilst filing a [fra 00:02:28]-penny bit to make a propeller for your scale model-
C
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... dreadnought, i decide to have a sort through my handbag.
X
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Female
and there on top of the cheeky little christmas cracker toy is the face of cashier number three, his little chin in perfect place-
H
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3.833333
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Female
... his little jawline and his conk. and then with one shake of my wrist, he's gone, and i'm back home-
X
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Female
... fred, back home to you.and the next line is one something nine. it's three-
D
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issues, because it's not seen [inaudible 00:02:57]. you're dealing with modern [inaudible 00:02:58].wonderful.
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really quite a lot of money, so, not that i want it back-
H
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Female
sorry, we should say-
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Female
but just to say, how many will be there at the back with a with a bucket, so if you have five or 10 pounds-
H
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Female
i think in the history of the... but it could be a first, couldn't it? anyway-
N
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so we'll be doing, and then these people will be flyering, and-
N
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Female
i brought a backing track, but i'm late, so just going to see how the levels go. yay, free fringe.
H
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Female
this is like, it's an ipod, i don't even remember. do you remember-
H
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Female