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**Adam Stacoviak:** True, yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** And that maybe it hasn't felt negative. Am I right, you have a military background? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** And I'm pretty sure drill sergeants weren't the most compassionate of people? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I loved them all. They were all amazing. I'm just kidding there. \[laughter\] Some of them I can actually recall their face right now, saying "Beat your face, soldier!" which means do pushups. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah... \[laughs\] |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Just... Yeah, I suppose. Where are you getting at? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Part of the nature in this internal dialogue has to do with the voices that we internalize. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Okay... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So the more we're exposed to this \[unintelligible 00:26:46.13\] we all have varying degrees of conscientiousness. They've done research around this in terms of employees, like personality factors that make the best employees - and we can talk about this in upcoming shows - and the most im... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** What is it? What is that? Conscientiousness? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It's being aware of all the things. If I'm conscientious, I don't need somebody to tell me what to do, because I've already told myself to do it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Gotcha, okay. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So if I have a high degree of conscientiousness, I'm already knowing I need to do these 24 things on my to-do list, and then my boss comes to me... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah, you're autonomous. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** ...and is like "You should do this." Now I've loaded more on... And he's not wrong; I should do them, because they're my responsibility, but I've already, if I've "should" on myself, because I have that narrative in my brain. I've already had a full jury trial, convicted... Like, I am sent... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Hm... I see. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So part of it has to do with our individual hardwiring... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[28:00\] Does that make sense? Some people are more indifferent, careless... They're just not as concerned with all of the factors, and so then that would contribute to hearing should in a different way. Because if I'm already at 95% and then my boss, or a friend, or my spouse is like "He... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It feels like crap. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah...! Yeah, yeah. So maybe part of what you're trying to talk about is like it's nuanced, and it isn't always not assistive. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You know what - I think when you said that though, I actually can admit to some clarity... Because hearing you say it back again, what you're talking yourself is shoulding on yourself. So your internal voice telling yourself "You should..." |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yes. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** And I can understand that better. Hearing it again, the way you said it, clarified it for me... So I'm less blurred now. I will forfeit that. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[laughs\] Well, so let's talk about another one. What about mental filter? Do you want me to explain? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yes, please. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Mental filters are picking out a single negative detail and focusing on it exclusively, so that all of your vision of what's going on becomes dark or negative. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. I can dwell there... So I really identify with this one in particular, because I can pick out a negative detail in my life and focus on it exclusively, and my life -- this is the exact definition - becomes not completely dark, but I can see how the cloud comes in and it covers more things tha... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I don't know about you, but... That's me. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, I tend to be -- and I would say that from my experience just always wanting to do the best, be my best, sports, grad school, I'm always looking for how I could do things better, so it's easy to focus to some degree on the negative, because there's some truth to that. I can do it bett... |
So if I then focus on a detail, imagine that I just blow up that balloon bigger and bigger... And what happens to my vision as that balloon gets bigger? My vision of the whole picture gets smaller, and so it makes it -- and this is maybe at the heart of some of what we're talking about in how we think... It's that we d... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. I think living in denial, or this naive aspect, this bliss aspect, is not good. You have to be -- you can't lie to yourself about the positive and negative. You can't discount the negative for the positive, and vice versa. It's kind of like the idea of bitter and sweet - you can't have the swe... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[31:59\] Yeah, so much of why I wanna talk about these and why this is helpful is just recognizing if your channel of your thoughts is always on the negative, you're probably not gonna feel very good going about your day. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It doesn't mean that there aren't things you can be positive about or around, but it's just gonna make it far more challenging. Again, I wanna talk about this more, but the idea of what do we do to combat it is we sort of -- imagine how you put on glasses every day, that you could put in f... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Yes... For some reason, that's a reality. I don't get it, but it is. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, I'm pretty sure they didn't just go dump a bazillion of that car on the road, but what changed? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** The fact that I know it existed. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Exactly. So then you were focused on it and you looked for them. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Okay... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So when we look at this mental filter, what do I do? Well, I want you to put on a different lens. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. Realize they're there, and understand them, and when they pop up, identify them. Maybe even take a note even, like "Hey, that's a negative mental filter." We should be aware of that more often. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** But here I am again, I said "We should." See, there is a blurred line... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[laughs\] Maybe -- here's the reframe... You say "It would be helpful." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It would be helpful. I don't speak that way though... But I like the idea. Continue... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So, you know, I do this with my kids, because I'm trying to help train up their brains to see things differently when -- you know, it can be challenging when you're a kid to only see the negative... And so I started off at the beginning of school always asking them when I picked them up, w... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
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