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... any shows of my own but i am going to be hosting stand up [chaturdy 00:09:17] tomorrow.
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there are a couple of people who are here, who you might wish to hear for fl-
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and i'm excited about that and i hope you are too.
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... wish. tesco's. discount rows. lucky girl, the cashier chimes.
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"yes," i smile, "he is."
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building this is good because my blood pressure has just sunk just a little bit. oh what a good relief.
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879
Female
i'm going to explain briefly though, for those of you who have to dash out, about this whole free to get in but not so free to get out kind of-
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Female
just in case you're thinking you might sneak out before i say that, the guy-
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no. so yeah, pbh, free fringe.
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it's all glorious poetry, comedy, tragedy, dance songs, sing along, whatever their thing is in pbh-
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Female
free fringe. but the idea being that, well, while it's free to get the venue-
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we like to see. so, in either, chinking is good.
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it helps not to damage the bucket, so everyone gets happy. are there actual things to give people?
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oh yes. i'm also going to tell you what other voices is because this lady, who's about to come up, was the other founder member-
H
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Female
the person who i rang up and i said, this needs to happen. and she said-
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hell yes. so basically this is why we are other voices-
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which is great. and they have lots of things to say, but we wanted to hear all the other stories-
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it's like realizing that you've got a nutrient missing from your diet. and we wanted people to come along here and go, "oh-
U
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here's a path less trod, or at least trod by, in some cases, 50% of the population, but not shown quite as much.
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this show passes the bachdel test.
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this is, yes, this is one of those things.
F
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so, like i say, i was getting sick of-
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being sent the same stories to show on stages. i knew there was all sorts of other stuff to come and be shown and heard and seen and felt. and this lady said-
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yes, let's do it. and you are going to celebrate that and bring her to this bodet microphone. ladies and gentlemen, our final act is hannah chutzpah.
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i had to run from mine. is it still a tight ten, or should i? [inaudible 00:02:02] okay, cool. in which case, i have longer to ramble in between-
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this first one is from my show asking nicely, which is all about permission and what makes us feel either confident and entitled or like
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we don't deserve and we don't belong. and it's on every day for free.
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at 6:45 at pilgrim, which is just down the end of newdury street and left for about three meters.
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after five hugs, two hours, and four cups of.
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come out too fast.
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the gasses can crop up anywhere. in the joints, in the bloodstream.
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the bends can blister skin like bubble wrap, affect breathing or the central nervous system.
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it just knows you need to be alert, aware, always scanning the situation.
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and my friend? sure, she could shout now.
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but she learned not to.
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learned that, no was an avenue she had no right to go down.
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we are marked by our memories, thought patterns good or bad, and unlearning can take longer.
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the past can still bubble up.
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make us choke or stagger when we thought we were clear.
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is still legal tender.
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buy some time. whether you decompress in a boxing gym, on a therapist's couch, or with hugs and mugs of tea.
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breathe in to the cramps. gas dissipates. scars fade. fists-
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leading to something better,
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i love this gig. thank you for bringing it back. and this next one is going to be a bit more stupid.
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anyway. i can't see anyone, so can i have a whoop for who here's-
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round that looks like the brixton bomber's to do list.
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pick nine squares each week for the starter game, or 25 if you're playing pro. congratulations.
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you are now ready to play shit head bingo. whenever a square on your card is called by your shitty colleagues.
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shitty jokes. cross it off. the bitter smile-
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this gives you will distract you from digging nails into.
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palms, doodling violent doom, or going to the bathroom again to text a friend, self-harm, or cry.
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i've got this hole in my trousers, and now i look like i'm homeless. cross.
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castrate your computer, along with any colleagues you wish.
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parade of security guards or police. why don't we just send them all back?
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people shouldn't breed. cross. the special olympics are kind of funny though. cross. if you have-
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been playing for weeks and have not yet won, remember that you are not wasting years of your life surrounded by assholes.
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you are just playing a very long game of shit head bingo.
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stapler's retarded. cross. these are my tranny shoes. cross. i got so tan, this one time, i looked like a terrorist.
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cross? just cross it off. two fat chick jokes.
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promise him you'll do better, and you will. next week, you'll pick a card so good, that by friday, you'll be sitting in the job center victorious.
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wonderful stuff. [inaudible 00:06:06] that was hannah chutzpah.
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all right, normally we have a mixed bill show. we are storytellers, comedians, spoken word artists, musicians, and more. we sort of put together a smorgasbord of feelings for you. many of which would be happy-
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but today we've got a really special edition of what we do. we've got one act and it is all of these people and, spoiler alert, that keyboard.
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and they're going to be doing some sketch comedy for you tonight.
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this is part of that idea of having some sort of special shows to get our teeth into this year.
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this year there is getting better acquainted, which is a conversation podcast that i run. and at 12:05 every day at the cabaret voltaire.
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what about the men?: man-mainspring masculinity. and it really isn't a comedy.
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so if you're laughing all the time today, don't expect any of that laughter in my show.
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but yes. do come to it though, i'd really like you to come. yes.
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so, we are part of the pbh free fringe, which means it's free to come in and it is also free to leave.
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but if you can afford to support the arts, and the arts tonight includes all of the people on this stage, it's quite a lot of people. so it would be good to get somebody for them to pay them at the end.
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so you guys could help me do that. and you can help yourselves to feel better about yourselves by giving some money.
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at the end, if you wish to. we're not embarrassed by paper money.
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we wont to be ashamed to be holding it in the street.
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although i discovered that there are these one pound notes that you control me with, if you want to. ah, yes. okay. so-
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we are going to teach you letters of the alphabet.
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sure is, jim. why don't you take it away? nice and slow, like a well-meaning snail.
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the most elusive letter.
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b is for? but i thought you were dead?
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gang warfare. now, you got to watch out for gene, kids.
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[inaudible 00:08:14] who shot my wife?
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hunter, looks like this gang's been responsible to over 100 deaths in the chicago area alone.
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guilty by association.
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harold? oh fiddlesticks. don't really know what to do with myself now.
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don't worry, harold, i'll go find help.
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kids. [inaudible 00:08:47] lisa.
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that's the poetry draft from the original drama school.sorry, sir.
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the wedding guests have sat on the stone.
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off of the ancient mariner.
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always have to rhyme. poetry downs always have to rhyme. rule one, that's why i-
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it's pretentious, and not everyone will like it.it's the end of a phrase.that's no excuse.
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but, anyway. what about that other poem you'd have finished for today?
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you didn't finish it?the postman came and i got distracted.
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you there, how much for one of those bubblegum shooters, please?
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you'll love me. employee of the month, three weeks running.
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a job. any job. your job.
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pick up crap. now, give me my change at once, please.
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i wish i wasn't me.
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all of you are lucky to be here in this kitchen. ask where we are now.
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then you meet the requirements, you're poor, you're stupid, no one will miss you.
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