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is there possibly somebody else? and so actually for a really long time-
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Female
the house itself was a narrator. and so, we had all-
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Female
i had all these different things going on. so just over time-
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Female
i would finish a draft and i'd go, no, there's something wrong with this, and so i would just redo the whole thing over again.
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Female
i can't stick to one character, so i would write her for a little while.
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Female
in that long period, we had a lot of writers live other lives and have other jobs and this flood project going on.yeah. yeah.
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Male
there's the ebb and flow of belief that comes here.yeah.[00:01:00]
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Male
how did you better do manage to-
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Male
keeping up with family pressures and friends, and did you go around proudly saying "no, no, no-
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Male
i am a writer. this is just going to take some time." or were you sort of just doing it on the sly, or?no.
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Male
i got a job on the side. [inaudible 00:01:23].
H
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Female
so i had to do it because how embarrassing.
H
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Female
and i had traumatized myself too much, and so, and i just wanted to get it done.
S
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Female
so i think it was just that, and i'm stubborn.
H
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Female
i know not what to do now. and so the next one-
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Female
i don't think hopefully won't take me 11 years, but also i know just to-
N
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Female
kind of do a couple of things. i feel like i'm taking a shortcut, but it still was hard.
F
4.666667
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2.833333
904
Female
am i? i was insisting i was. but no, i always kind of feel-
H
5.727273
5.909091
5.272727
904
Female
it comes across as [inaudible 00:02:03]. it's suffocatingly creepy. it's really-
H
5.684211
5.578947
4.842105
902
Female
kind of... i also dislike- well, we know what happened. let's start with that, and then we'll just forget about it. and so.to still be able to build up to such a crescendo.
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Female
when we have already had the metta, i thought it was really amazing.well-
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Female
i'm glad that you found it more interesting to keep going. so that's nice.
H
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Female
before reading your book. i actually thought, i had a mental image of lizzie borden as being a little girl.yes, that too.
H
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Female
so she's 32 when the murders happened. her sister is 42.
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Female
so the reason why i always think that because when, even in the pamphlet-
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Female
the girls were at home, and for me a girl is five. and then you become a young woman, and then you're a woman. so i just, when they were talking about girls, i'm like, whoa was she 10-
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Female
or was she this. and so i think that helped kind of build.
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Female
and i just thought sometimes when your gut tells you something and i thought, 'oh yeah, nailed it.'oh yeah she's [crosstalk 00:03:04].that is what she was kind of like, and i think-
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Female
and so they might as well have just packed up and-
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Female
lizzy. oh, all the time she thinks it's probably great.
H
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Female
where these people are because you know, this happened to 125 years ago, what would they have thought about? and i have to say, i don't think andrew would like it.
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Female
and i think that's what it would- and her style.
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Female
she didn't want anything to do with that. so she went under a pseudonym.
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Female
i'm sure we know what that name is, but i don't know it.
U
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Female
so originally bridget was a peripheral character and then it was suggested that, by my very wise agent, that i should perhaps bring her up to the forefront.
H
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Female
and when i started doing that, i just thought, 'oh yeah.' mainly because my agent said, "we kind of need someone to barrack for." and i'm like-
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Female
do you? for reason, everyone's so awful. so yeah, i think i'd really-
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Female
love?and i think that was the kind of thing, and i did want to look at love, and what happens when you no longer love.
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actually want the best for one another. and yet they just had each other, essentially.they're very codependent.
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yes, yes. very.and parasitic.yeah, it was-
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Female
there she is again.
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and also thanks to our hosts here at housing works and for the amazing and important work that they do as well.
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so beginning with thomas page mcbee.
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the first trans men to ever box in madison square garden.
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his essays and reportage have appeared in the new york times, playboy and glamour, and he is a senior editor at quartz. his new book, "amateur".
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why men fight is forthcoming from scribner's.
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it was also a finalist for the 2015 national book critics circle award.
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the lambda literary award, and the publishing triangle award.
H
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Female
he's also a buzzfeed's executive editor of culture.
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his memoir, how men fight for their lives is forthcoming from simon and schuster.
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and as if that wasn't enough,
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her work has been published in the new york times, newsweek, ms., the nation, and bitch among others, she's conducted media literacy keynotes,
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and workshops about media and gender, race, class, and sexuality for schools, conferences, non-profits, and businesses in the us, canada, ireland and turkey.
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she's planning her next book on media complicity in donald trump's rise to power.
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and also, most important tonight, she's on drugs.
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nonetheless, she's on painkillers. so she's going to make extra sense tonight. and we're going to treat her with the love she deserves.
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Female
and i'm your host, jenny boylan. i'm the author of a whole bunch of books, including the just published, long black veil,
H
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Female
a novel of suspense about identity and secrets.
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who knows, might just have a transgender person in it, if you look real hard,
H
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Female
or even two transgender people. i do lots of stuff. i teach at barnard.
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i'm the co-chair of the board of directors of glad. and i'm a contributing opinion writer for the new york times.
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i have two sons, zach and sean, and i've been married to my wife,
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dd for 28 years, 12 as husband and wife and 16 as wife and wife while,
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so when we get to that part, if you'll just raise your hand,
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i'll repeat your question real loud. also, i request if possible,
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that your question could be, if possible, an actual question, rather than, it's like this little speech of your own,
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Female
the panelists here, will head over to the table and sign some books for you and have some conversation and drink,
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a few beers. so let's begin this way.
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maybe, why don't we start, if saeed would read the piece that i lean.
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so here is saeed channeling.
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i greet you and regret that i am not with you-
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all. i'll jump right in. like the space-
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we are in is transforming always. and so is being a dyke. being a son, a daughter.
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maybe 40 years ago, when i began actively, began the actively queer part of my journey. i've changed my font, time and time again, and lately,
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it's arial. only saeed can see it, but you know what i mean.
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a couple of summers ago, i was in a reenactment of mitch fest, and in part, because of editing choices.
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but i think mostly because nobody likes being copied and distributed widely. all of us like to be the original, at least, i think of our own gender and community.
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people were pissed. and said i had betrayed the lesbian community because of what transparent the television show did.
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how it described them. i think the show used the historic, but not global, not even mish fist, mitch fest, m and d between trans women and dykes as a narrative thread.
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i guess i wrote an essay for saeed about hillary clinton.
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i think, i had been saying that they were not too interested in the fact that she has a vagina. hillary's became very famous and were assuming she has one at that point.
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i, in my essay, said i very much was interested in her vagina. not personally,
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and i wanted it in that chair. the one in the oval office. i was then called transphobic and a turf.
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now, i think cunt does not exclude females who do not have cunts. i welcome you, and i ask that you welcome me.
A
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no one gets to decide what is female. after the centuries of men defining women,
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i am not willing to be silenced by women who feel entitled to define what being female means.
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i realize i am opening a whole can of worms here. interesting way to describe cunt moment.
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cunt is apparatus, not essential.
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i do feel that dividing people by gender is a dangerous enterprise.
O
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Female
both within a gender and without, within a building and without. it hides the privilege that is being assigned to each by the essential,
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definitions of power someone is loudly or secretly holding.
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what do i get if i am this?
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i've only talked a lot about cunts and pussies because these are verboten words. and it's fun.
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Female
some words change a room. they are not membership cards,
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they are calling cards. you've got one too, a card, not a cunt.
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Female
name it, or don't name it. all,
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i want to say about gender and power and representation,
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today may 2nd, is that i don't like being copied either.copied, then branded transphobic or terf.
F
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Female
lately, after being uncomfortable with the sound of they as a pronoun,
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Female
because i realized that though i'm a butch dike,
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Female