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**Adam Stacoviak:** So when it comes to coping, what are some common paths to just practicing at coping? Give me one good example of practicing to cope. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, I've gotta give one more caveat, because I think this is important. I often use this acronym with people when they're trying to cope... And it's HALT. Because if we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired, your coping will invariably look different. I don't care if you're 3, 33, 73. If yo... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** A lot of times, both parents are not sleeping in the same way they once did. That doesn't mean "Oh, Adam, you can't do your podcasting...", but rather, keeping that awareness in the forefront as sort of a filter to go "You know what, I just have less today. So instead of $100 in my bank ac... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** I've definitely made some poor decisions and coped very poorly in times of HALT, specifically hangry... My wife and I - we'll both recognize a moment where we may not be on the same page, and it's like "Are you hungry? Am I hungry? Is it because it's 5 o'clock, or 6 o'clock, or whatever time it migh... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Sure. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** It can be very stressful, for some reason. And it's because of just the feeling you have. When you're hungry, you have less to spend, as you said. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. Because why do we eat? What does it give us? |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Energy. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** You've got it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Satisfaction! Happiness! |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, and connection... All these things. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** True, yeah. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[11:48\] So when you can name that and identify that as a component, it can change the way in which you ride that emotional wave. Because then you're not going toe-to-toe with Heather, right? You're like "Oh, we're both just hungry." |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Well, usually it's about where should we go to eat or what's for dinner, and it's simple decisions pretty much... But for some reason, these simple decisions are very hard to accomplish because of our inability to actually execute on the decision, because we're hungry, or we're tired, or it's the en... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** And you just named it. There you go. There's one of the best ways in which we can cope. So planning and/or front-loading are one of the ways we navigate it. I can remember back in graduate school when I was doing multiple roles... Because during that time I was in school, I also worked at ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Wow. That's a lot. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, so I had a master list of the books I would need for any given day of the week, I had what meals I needed to take, which changes of clothes I needed to take, and what assignments or other responsibilities in each lane were due according to that day of the week. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. So when you started to fall down, you didn't fall down and be like "Oh, my life...! The day is over. Let's go back and not play the game." It's "Okay, what's my plan?" Because you've already thought about it beforehand, right? You've already done the work of thinking through it. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. The key is that we're going to fare better, our frontal lobe is going to come online more when our emotional reactivity is less. Because remember that emotional processing part of the brain - we can sort of get a cog there, and we won't process information in the same way... Which i... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So then, apart from planning, if I'm going "Well, I'm still pretty activated", it's really hard for me to calm down, for whatever reason. There is what we call grounding. Grounding is a psychological experience wherein you actually attend to the sense. So what sensory data are you taking i... |
Sometimes when we're anxious, one of the words we give to -- a way in which we think that doesn't work well is catastrophic thinking. Catastrophic thinking is this way in which I'm imagining every possible, plausible, wretched outcome I could come up with... And it's amazing how many things a brain can come up with. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** \[15:55\] Yes, it is. You're not thinking very rationally at that moment. You're thinking very irrationally, and pretty much anything you dream of; it's like Chicken Little almost. The sky is falling. And it's not really falling. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Right. And imagine that when you're in that place of anxiety, rational thought has no effect. Imagine you're trying to have a conversation with a two-year-old in a grocery store about why they can't have candy. They don't really care. They just want what they want, when they want it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's right. Two-year-olds, come on... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So in some ways we all have this inner two-year-old, that likes to hang out, and wreak havoc, and wants what they want, when they want it, how they want it. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Wow... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** I know. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That's really interesting to even think about... Because that's true. You see that play out too with people often, if you have conflict at least. You see somebody, sometimes, in their two-year-old state, or that inner two-year-old wreaking havoc. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, exactly. And that's why it's really hard to have more adult-like, rational conversations. And then you end up having to try to talk to Chicken Little, which really doesn't get you anywhere. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So the "name it to tame it." What do I see, smell, touch, taste or hear. And literally, you can even feel the different textures around you, be it your desk, or computer, keyboard etc, so that your brain is like "This is what's actually happening, live, real-time. Not any of the plausible ... |
Along with that would be the "name it to tame it." So when I can't say what I'm feeling, or what is going on, it really helps me navigate things different. I know I've mentioned that it's more of the limbic system which does the emotional processing, but like all things with the brain, it's never that simple... So more... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** You've got balance. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, yeah. So then you don't feel quite so out of control, and then you can shift even to the planning or problem-solving. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. Let's go further into strategies then, because I think that -- there isn't one on the list that we have here to go through, or at least one that I've done recently... And I'm sure there's way more than this list. The exhaustive list of coping strategies is probably many. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It is. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** But sometimes, when you're super-angry, maybe the easiest way to calm down is just to be quiet for a while, for example. What are some good strategies to step away from these emotions really taking over? |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Well, I think if you can hold on to the fact that emotions are energy, which means you're gonna do better when you move them, or maneuver them. This is why when we're anxious, to just sort of sit still, it's like I'm gonna wanna tap my foot, or move back and forth, or click my pen very irr... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** That happens a lot, too -- it does a lot to your body. Obviously, your joints, your back, different parts of your muscle release cortisol, I believe, or different... Different things happen because your body moves. And it's definitely a different reactive state that your brain is in when you're in t... |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** It is. It's really fascinating, because actually, exercise as well - research has shown that it tends to increase or improve brain plasticity. And what I mean by that is literally like exercise is yoga for your brain. |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Wow. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** \[20:09\] So you're able to move and maneuver more adaptively when you exercise. It makes your brain more pliable. Much of what I encounter with individuals struggling with anxiety or depression, a lot of the times I'm trying to increase or improve this flexibility in their mind, that life... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** There's some grey area in there. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** Yeah, exactly. So when we're at that heightened place of emotion and we can't really reason with ourselves, we're apt to try to reduce things, to make them very black and white... Like, "Either it's this, or it's that." And there's so much in life that really isn't black and white, so you ... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** So exercise, moving... And once upon a time, we used to think that with anger - that it was better to do more angry outbursts, so to be more physical, like fighting or things like that... And that's changed. We don't necessarily think that using aggression, or feeding that sort of way in y... |
**Adam Stacoviak:** Right. |
**Mireille B. Reece, Psy.D:** You brought up some brain chemicals... And one of the key ones that gets released when we exercise is dopamine. So you get that huge rush... This is why if you've ever heard runners talk about runner's high, what they're actually referencing is that high on dopamine. |
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