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MSP_POD_NLP

Dataset card Data Studio Files
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this thing is great. i will put the picture on the page. i'm going to do it. okay, good.
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Female
you know what? it's kind of like a headband and somebody just put it on like their package and then stretched it over one hip. i don't know.
C
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Female
because think about it, if you put a headband on, like one leg, all the way up there, it's kind of like that.
X
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Female
what clothing designer came up with this?
D
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Female
those fashion shows or whatever, not that i watched them frequently,
D
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Male
but i've seen some of them and they're always wearing the most fucked up things that i've never seen somebody wear.
D
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59
Male
i don't understand those. like what it's about, what fat? what? like, do you know?
N
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Male
no one wears that. i don't get it either. i don't like those shows. you know what show i do like. but i also started watching total divas.
D
3.833333
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63
Female
it's wwe, but it's kind of like behind the scenes, more of a reality drama,
X
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Female
women. john cena and the twins. what are their names? the bellas.
N
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Female
all right. one show that i saw for the very first time ever today was hoarders.
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Male
there's not much to go on other than, i think i'm a hoarder,
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Male
but i know i'm not. i know i'm not, i just... i'm lazy. and my laziness trumps everything in my life.
N
4.181818
2.727273
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Male
because i'm looking at this dude's house and he has shit everywhere.
D
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Male
stuff piled, literally everywhere in his living room. like dude, my living room looks exactly like that, but it's not because i want it to be there or i'm keeping it for something i'm just lazy.
D
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Male
if someone came in and was like, "oh, this is gross. we have to get rid of it here." be my guest.
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Male
have you seen hoarders when they find cats?
H
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Female
that. like this person had cats, like 40 of them
D
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Male
and they were having kittens and then the kittens would die because it wasn't a livable situation,
S
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Male
and they were all in the house, like the bones and stuff.
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Male
apparently all of these people houses, you can't even go into because they're so contaminated with everything.
X
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59
Male
uh. and the toilets are always like the last... they don't get them fixed. they're always broken. so they're having to use other... it's just disgusting.
D
5.083333
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Female
and the one i saw, the woman had kids, and her kids got taken away and the cats disappeared and they finally found the cats under all the rubble, it was disgusting. it was the grossest thing i've ever seen.
D
3.8
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Female
so you think you're just as disgusting as a hoarder?
D
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Female
yeah. i'm as lazy as a hoarder.
H
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Male
and look at it this way, they make an effort to keep everything.
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Male
collecting all that stuff, just having it. i don't even try, i'm so good at it.
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Male
yeah. i am. who would have thought my natural talent would be hoarding.
U
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59
Male
they're doing it a little different this year than they have in the past, but i'm excited to see it. i like how... all right, here's a little inside tidbit.
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Male
in the old last comic standings, they would hold open auditions for people, anybody, to just come out. you do like a three minute set in front of these judges.
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Male
but the open auditions were horseshit, because they already had the comedians that they were putting on the show.
X
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Male
and so they made people feel like, "hey, i'm trying out for the last comic standing. dude, i can totally get on because i'm really funny." no, you have no chance. because somebody who's
N
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Male
an established comedian has a good agent that got him on the show. that's the way it works.
N
3.764706
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Male
the comics are on there, nobody's trying out, they've already recorded a bunch of episodes if not the entire thing.
N
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59
Male
so i'm excited though to see it because it's funny. one of the commercial that's on for it, it's this guy who i've never seen or heard of. he goes,
H
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Male
"my girlfriend asked me if i would take a bullet for her. and i said, yeah, because i want out of this relationship."
X
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Male
could you do the last comic standing open audition. would you do it if there was an option for you?
X
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Female
and i'm not saying as a- "dude, what the, fuck man, [inaudible 00:09:19] was way funnier."
A
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Unknown
Unknown
ty barnett, who's a buddy of mine, he's a comic. he was on the show. so they had him come out here when they had the auditions at tempe improv.
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Male
and so i went with him because they have to film them auditioning, to make it legit. so they put a couple of comics in each place.
N
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Male
so him and lacey both went for the improv. but anyways, i went with ty to that one. so i did a two minute audition set
N
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Male
where the guy was like, "my dream was to have a beer with my friends on top of a mountain."
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Male
well we needed to get up the mountain shock top.
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Female
so, along with the shock top commercial, what's like one crazy thing that you would do for a beer.
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Male
attendance don't belong in bathrooms. but hey, we all know how i feel about that. what
X
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Male
if there's a long line of people that are also training for that job?
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Female
so i put the little... what are those things called?
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Male
yeah. i put one in there and i've been using it. and i got to tell you, fantastic.
H
5.636364
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Male
i want it to be like sons of anarchy motorcycle seat.
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Male
you're in a public restroom, how often do you find yourself in a public restroom?
N
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Male
when you... no guys, don't mute this or turn it off. listen the whole way through. when you're taking a shit in a public restroom
N
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3.722222
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Male
and no one's in there. right? mm-hmm (affirmative). do you listen to see when somebody else is going to come in?
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59
Male
dude, [crosstalk] two days ago i ran out of deodorant, mid use.
H
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Male
[inaudible] i've been using women's deodorant for the last like eight years when i went to go buy it.
O
5
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Male
we were talking before the show about the heat, you guys don't like
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Male
this shit. where's this plane taking me, narnia.
U
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Male
that'd be incredible. where's the pot of gold. and they're like, "well, you shit in the pot."
X
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59
Male
before i left, i was watching how to lose a guy in 10 days because it was on tv.
N
4.058824
4.294118
3.941176
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Male
no, i didn't know those existed. i've been in airports a million times.
U
4.75
3.916667
4.333333
59
Male
after a couple months. so the next time i was at the airport, i brought them with me. i was like, "hey, i bought these here and now they don't work." there was like, "oh, that sucks." there was no return then take it back.
O
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63
Female
they sell computers and ipads and ipods and everything in airport vending machines.
X
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Female
that's very rare here. it's a turkey sandwich.
X
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Male
grandma, like put it together. there was no mustard.
D
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Female
like i used to get hammer before getting on a plane, because i get so nervous.
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Male
but then halfway through the flight, you sober up and have the worst headache ever. and when you land, you just are the shittiest person in the world.
D
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Male
100%. i mean.
N
2.851852
3.740741
2.740741
60
Male
so cool dude. oh yeah. somebody wanted me to ask you if your mom really does have a bone in her nose.
N
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59
Male
and it was the first time i'd ever seen you, heard of you, anything and dude, you're so fucking funny.
H
5.333333
5.75
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Male
i knew i wasn't. i was going in not expecting to win.
H
4.166667
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Male
it was nerve wracking all until i got on the mic, and then it was kind of like...
N
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Male
you just [crosstalk 00:09:23]. after that first joke, then it was all right. oh cool. it's going to be like four years.
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Male
what got you started? did you always know you wanted to do it?
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Male
comedy? no. i actually always wanted to be like martin lawrence
X
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Male
and will smith, just doing tv shows.
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Male
when i wanted to do it, i signed up at... have you been to the comedy spot?
H
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Male
that was my first and only show. because i signed up... for those open mics, you have to sign up.
X
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Male
it was october and there was only spots open for the end of january.
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Male
i was just watching comedy shows and just writing stories about my life and stuff. yeah.
H
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Male
the only time i bombed was ... i didn't know how to deal with hecklers at the beginning stages. so, i said my first joke and then this girl just
H
3.666667
4.5
4.583333
60
Male
came up. she stood up and she's like, "uh uh, no." she said something, but which stunned me. i lost track.
H
5
5.4
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60
Male
so, she threw me off and i was like, "dang," and i just forgot everything else i was supposed to say.
H
5.222222
4.888889
5
60
Male
no shit. so, i froze up and i just didn't know what to say and then people were just cheering me on like, "yeah, you can do it. you can do it."
X
4.4
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60
Male
instantly know, in the back of your head, i'm just waiting for one of them to spit out something out of their mouth.
H
5.818182
4.272727
5.272727
59
Male
and then if you see ... you know what's funny? if you watch the people come into the room, you know who's going to say something and who won't.
X
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Male
yeah, usually i'm either upfront or just off to the side.
H
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Male
i got heckled by a dude who was sitting on the side of the stage, like in a booth at this club. and he was saying all this shit,
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Male
gets on stage. and in my head, i'm like, please, don't be funny.
N
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Male
literally i'm running that risk of like, they could be fucking hilarious.
H
5
4.6
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59
Male
that happened. i was at this open mic and i was just going back and forth and i didn't bring them on stage, but we were just going back and forth and he just roasted me.
X
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Male
didn't have anything to get back at him with, but he just kept going and going and then i couldn't do my set. so, i just let him roast me [crosstalk]
N
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Male
and once he was finished, i was like, "bravo."
H
4.833333
6.166667
5.166667
60
Male
that's hilarious. it's a little different now. i don't know. maybe even 10 years ago people would heckle and then it would just be like a back and forth kind of thing with a comedian.
H
4.2
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59
Male
it's funny. i like when the comic can shut them down so fast, but just as someone watching, i hate it. i think it's so rude.
D
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Female
yeah. i have a good ... i have a good 20.
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Male
i've done one. it was a couple of years ago with ... i don't know. [inaudible] seen me do comedy before, i don't think.
N
3.125
4.6875
3.4375
60
Male
because it used to be ... it was jake davis and jerry [freestadt 00:02:03].
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3.8
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Male
so, you said when you write your material, you write it word for word. yeah. i kind of do the same thing. so, how does it all start with you? like you get ...
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Male
but ... yeah, so i would love to not write word for word, like how everybody else does it. but it just ...
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Male
i don't know, i feel like typing it and getting it right the first time, you say it the same way every single time and it'll be funny every single time. but if you just have a bullet point,
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Male
you're switching words up, keywords up, and then it doesn't have the same impact. yeah.
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