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tell you. yeah. that you were responsible
|
A
| 5.416667
| 2.916667
| 5.25
|
133
|
Female
|
for whether or not your gender was ever going to appear in this club, charlie goodnight's in north carolina.
|
X
| 4.333333
| 3.333333
| 4.5
|
133
|
Female
|
about five years ago, we were out somewhere and she goes, "i still am embarrassed." i said of what, i'm thinking maybe it's on my show. something. she goes, "of what?" i go, "yeah, of what?"
|
U
| 4.8
| 3
| 5
|
133
|
Female
|
she goes, "wing people," to nudge me and go, "seriously. that's happening." it is occurring.
|
D
| 3.8
| 3.2
| 4.2
|
133
|
Female
|
when you started out, your third time up on standup, you stole seinfeld's act. have you ever told him?
|
N
| 5
| 3.4
| 5.2
|
132
|
Female
|
and he's talking like this. so i'm thinking, "hey, maybe i'll talk like this too." and i went on.
|
H
| 4.6
| 5.4
| 5.2
|
133
|
Female
|
so you tell a joke, i didn't know you had to write your own material. so i go up there and i go,
|
N
| 3.6
| 4
| 4.4
|
133
|
Female
|
"i'm driving here today and my car stalls. i open up the hood and i'm like, what am i looking for? a big on, off switch? on off?"
|
X
| 5.2
| 3
| 5.6
|
133
|
Female
|
stage and three or four comics crowd me and go, "where'd you get that material?" i go, "jerry seinfeld."
|
X
| 5
| 3.2
| 4.8
|
133
|
Female
|
and just tell about your own life and your own stories. you can't take someone else's stories. all right.
|
X
| 5
| 4.4
| 5
|
133
|
Female
|
i couldn't believe 300,000 women die of this. that's what the fuck? how come i didn't know? and she's like, "okay, okay, okay. get out of the hospital," and then so i'm out of the hospital.
|
A
| 6
| 1.692308
| 5.846154
|
133
|
Female
|
i go meet with her and she is like, "i think it needs to be funny." i go, "what?"
|
U
| 4.6
| 3.6
| 4.6
|
133
|
Female
|
we want to shoot it in february, is that what it was? january, april. so now we're in
|
X
| 5.1875
| 4.6875
| 5.25
|
133
|
Female
|
the whole tour in australia. i had never been to australia. well, we didn't sell any tickets.
|
S
| 4.2
| 2.8
| 5
|
133
|
Female
|
i felt so bad. if i ever do go there and perform, i'm going to give everybody $5 back because
|
F
| 4.6
| 2.4
| 4.8
|
133
|
Female
|
i feel shitty that they had to pay me. not the people, the club owners or the theater owners, but i could.
|
S
| 5.75
| 2.1875
| 5.6875
|
133
|
Female
|
sometimes i would see a woman on tv and she would have a...
|
C
| 4.142857
| 3
| 4.571429
|
133
|
Female
|
comedian working in the country and now there are so...
|
C
| 4.2
| 2.4
| 4.6
|
133
|
Female
|
but the irony there is nora ephron's kid is who helped get you in sleepless in seattle.
|
C
| 5.2
| 4
| 5.4
|
132
|
Female
|
five weeks later jacob calls me to say, "it's mom, she's not going to make it." i go, "make what?"
|
S
| 3.714286
| 2.571429
| 4.428571
|
133
|
Female
|
it's like, "well, she's had leukemia for six years." i was like...
|
S
| 2.692308
| 2.384615
| 3.846154
|
133
|
Female
|
had the greatest line, ma. her son max said...
|
H
| 3.6
| 4.8
| 4.4
|
133
|
Female
|
she didn't even tell that
|
X
| 3.764706
| 2.823529
| 3.941176
|
133
|
Female
|
the way, but i have to tell you, it was very hard. it was very hard for me personally. it's still hard for me personally. and the joni mitchell thing last night, i'm like...
|
S
| 3.818182
| 2.818182
| 4.272727
|
133
|
Female
|
this is an essential human being to me in my life and on the planet and she can not go away.
|
X
| 4.6
| 3.2
| 4.6
|
133
|
Female
|
really needs to live forever because i don't know what would happen
|
S
| 4.4
| 3.8
| 4.2
|
133
|
Female
|
to him a few years after i shook his hand and i said, "hey." he goes, "hey. he goes, "you did..." i said, "yeah."
|
D
| 4.2
| 4
| 4.6
|
133
|
Female
|
speaks to the integrity of a starting out. maybe i overly identify because i came from the standup world, but that's where i feel closest. those who feel like my kin, even though you are so much more
|
N
| 5.4
| 4.6
| 5.2
|
132
|
Female
|
and i felt that way with him too. and i got it. it was like, oh yeah, you don't want to produce something that you don't feel-
|
H
| 5.909091
| 4.909091
| 5.454545
|
132
|
Female
|
about about telling the truth. and if someone is going to prevent you from doing that, you have to leave that environment.
|
O
| 4.4
| 2.6
| 5
|
133
|
Female
|
and also the idea that you can make enough money. that there is actually... i've made enough and i'm really grateful for it and i actually don't need to-
|
H
| 4.6
| 4.2
| 4.6
|
132
|
Female
|
[inaudible] but without being too graphic, if someone tells you that you have a hundred million dollars and you think you need a hundred million more...
|
D
| 3.166667
| 3.333333
| 4.333333
|
133
|
Female
|
so i got to a point where the money was absurd
|
D
| 3.4
| 3.4
| 4.4
|
133
|
Female
|
and i already had a hundred million and they were offering me 50 million a year at the time i left.
|
X
| 3.1
| 3
| 3.9
|
133
|
Female
|
i had a home in miami. i had a home in nyack and a department in manhattan. i didn't know what else i could do.
|
N
| 3.25
| 3.166667
| 4.5
|
133
|
Female
|
my children were, my son was in first grade, he was seven and i wanted to get out before he was really in school because i knew...
|
X
| 4.2
| 3.6
| 5
|
133
|
Female
|
i have five children and that kind of commitment to a play,
|
N
| 3.4
| 4
| 4
|
133
|
Female
|
it's hard to know whether or not i can do that. we did have the family meeting and we'll see what the votes are this weekend.
|
X
| 2.6
| 3.4
| 3.9
|
133
|
Female
|
for this episode of employee of the month i want to thank the writers guild, i want to thank ian [masof] and all of you for listening. if you like the show-
|
H
| 4.833333
| 6.5
| 5.166667
|
132
|
Female
|
i've been recommending your book left and right. like when people ask me for 10 ideas, i've been telling, "okay. for anything that has to do with making a group, something read jason's."
|
H
| 5.9
| 5.5
| 5.5
|
1692
|
Female
|
yeah. so thinking about one may be easy, but if i asked you to come up with nine more that's hard.
|
C
| 5.846154
| 4
| 5.230769
|
1692
|
Female
|
i hear, not every time on james's podcast, but oftentimes he'll try to give ideas to guests.
|
X
| 4.4
| 4.6
| 4.4
|
1692
|
Female
|
no problem. but to go to a hundred, i think anyone in the western world, we kind of have a responsibility to notice how good we have it.
|
H
| 5.333333
| 5.416667
| 5.416667
|
1692
|
Female
|
well, but i'm pretty sure you'd do it anyways. it shows. when i get on a plane to go to one of your events, i can feel it.
|
N
| 5.4
| 3.8
| 5
|
1692
|
Female
|
that's fantastic.
|
H
| 6
| 6.368421
| 5.578947
|
1692
|
Female
|
i love the internet,
|
H
| 5.875
| 6.125
| 5.375
|
118
|
Male
|
goddamn it. i love the internet. quirk of the day is, it makes me truly sad, like a lot of people, when celebrities die.
|
S
| 2.6
| 2.2
| 3.6
|
117
|
Male
|
43 years ago, right? i'm going to say he was about 30 at the time. i'm going to stick with my original guess.
|
N
| 4.4
| 4.2
| 4.4
|
118
|
Male
|
you know he died of a- he was old. he was old. died of complications. they were doing surgery to correct some coronary arteries, and he died of complications during it.
|
S
| 2.6
| 2.6
| 3
|
117
|
Male
|
i read recently that when they left the show to do a moonwalk- yeah. they had to remember not to shut the door because there wasn't a-
|
H
| 4.833333
| 4.833333
| 4.555556
|
117
|
Male
|
holiday. just after ross and rachel break up during a skiing holiday. they're in phoebe's grandmother's car, and do it.
|
H
| 4.6
| 4.8
| 4.8
|
118
|
Male
|
rachel closes the door. yeah. that's what it'd be.
|
H
| 4.5
| 4.833333
| 4
|
118
|
Male
|
people, they don't really give the credit, to the moon landing, it deserves.
|
C
| 3.6
| 3.8
| 4.2
|
117
|
Male
|
when a space ship has just landed on a very low amount of air pressure area, wind carries for a long time.
|
N
| 3.5
| 4.166667
| 4.333333
|
117
|
Male
|
everyone was trying to get to the moon. thing is, no one really gives the russians credit. america, yeah, they got to the moon, but the russians did so much before that.
|
X
| 4.6
| 4.2
| 4
|
117
|
Male
|
better get more credit than obviously the- fuck. i forgot what the russians call themselves.
|
X
| 4.4
| 3.8
| 4
|
118
|
Male
|
the moon landing, pretty much, is an instrumental part in the end of the cold war.
|
N
| 2.6
| 4.4
| 3.6
|
117
|
Male
|
someone went out
|
N
| 3.4
| 4.4
| 3.8
|
117
|
Male
|
once, and this can't have been 10 years ago, so he'd have been 70-odd. smartphone the fucking thing.
|
X
| 3.8
| 2.6
| 3.8
|
117
|
Male
|
there's only one. he's a young star commander [inaudible] by young kids. i stand by my point. just buzz aldrin it.
|
H
| 5.6875
| 6.0625
| 5.4375
|
118
|
Male
|
i imagined that it, what's the name of the guy who created sims? is it not steve someone? we'll have
|
N
| 4.2
| 4.2
| 4.2
|
118
|
Male
|
have expensive lifestyles and hoes and bitches, and we don't want to be paining wall repairs. it puts off the hoes and bitches.
|
X
| 4.2
| 3.4
| 4.6
|
118
|
Male
|
it was two planets going around a binary star. this kind of goes back to the neil armstrong thing. people don't really
|
H
| 5.2
| 4.133333
| 5
|
117
|
Male
|
[inaudible 00:02:26]. when space travel was first run, they'd be like, "right, we've got this star system out here. [inaudible 00:02:33]."
|
X
| 4.8
| 4.8
| 4.6
|
117
|
Male
|
the made it sound much more sci-fi action-like. it'd be much more appealing to the standard everyday person who doesn't normally give a shit about this.
|
C
| 4.4
| 4
| 4
|
118
|
Male
|
i don't normally.
|
O
| 4.8
| 4
| 4
|
117
|
Male
|
it's a shame we didn't reach [inaudible 00:02:47]. they do have a history of saying some fucked up things. we should've found mark.
|
D
| 4.8
| 2.6
| 4.8
|
118
|
Male
|
i've got one in the back of my mind. if it comes up, i'll mention it, but no doubt it won't. ignore i said anything. that's quite something.
|
N
| 4.8
| 4.4
| 4.4
|
118
|
Male
|
they do get pregnant. i'm not going to pretend to know what the figure was, but a lot of bit unwanted babies, rape babies.
|
U
| 4.8
| 4
| 4.4
|
117
|
Male
|
maybe if they just closed their vaginas, then they wouldn't have got raped in the first place. that's based on his knowledge; that's not my opinion.
|
N
| 4.8
| 3
| 4
|
118
|
Male
|
he's overhead something and then passes it on. wow.
|
H
| 5.444444
| 5.833333
| 5.055556
|
118
|
Male
|
now, we have to talk about this game.
|
N
| 3.5
| 3.916667
| 3.166667
|
117
|
Male
|
a game like that, i think, a game where it's made for its experience, you just need to go in there. not tactics, but go in there and experience it.
|
N
| 5.6
| 4.8
| 5.4
|
118
|
Male
|
he's still avoiding. i'm trying not to tell him because he hasn't played it yet. he was giving me tips about to get away from him, but thing is i just made it worse.
|
H
| 3.8
| 4.6
| 3.8
|
117
|
Male
|
he's going after people who were unlikeable anyway. in most horror films, maybe not so much in all the horror films, but modern horror films,
|
N
| 5.2
| 4.4
| 5
|
117
|
Male
|
[inaudible] that you would have thought. no. the people who are in it are just the most outright douche bags, and jason is an iconic character.
|
D
| 4.470588
| 2.588235
| 4.764706
|
117
|
Male
|
i'm not a cruel person, but they were just so unlikeable.
|
H
| 5.833333
| 5.833333
| 5.166667
|
117
|
Male
|
least designed them. imagine it inside a flat building, just a tower block. slender mechanic
|
N
| 3.8
| 4.2
| 3.8
|
118
|
Male
|
seems pitted against each other, similar to terrorists in suwon to terrorists [inaudible 00:04:15]. also, watch that. it is awesome.
|
X
| 3.8
| 3.6
| 4.2
|
118
|
Male
|
yeah. we want you to go to it because it's probably
|
N
| 4.2
| 3.8
| 4.4
|
117
|
Male
|
[crosstalk] there who wants to be in a gaming tournament and possibly have to do forfeits if they lose.
|
N
| 3.2
| 3.4
| 3
|
117
|
Male
|
commit to forfeit if you lose, and if you don't, you'll be shamed.
|
A
| 5.8
| 4
| 5.6
|
117
|
Male
|
you will be shamed. i genuinely couldn't because i like to think about this sort of thing from time to time, and i try to imagine it, and honestly, i cannot imagine how it would be to go through your life without something.
|
S
| 4.2
| 3.8
| 4.6
|
118
|
Male
|
people like to pretend that they can get into it.
|
C
| 2.8
| 2.8
| 3.6
|
117
|
Male
|
we can feel it, but we can also hear it. if you've got your wrist to your ear, you can hear the pulsation a bit. yeah. there's all kinds of stuff, but complete silence.
|
N
| 4.2
| 4.4
| 4.2
|
117
|
Male
|
it just seems so beautiful, but she put it as that's her favorite band, complete silence.
|
N
| 3.833333
| 4.833333
| 4.333333
|
117
|
Male
|
people posting big, operatic stuff, and they're getting a love. rightly so, that is the kind of thing you should listen to. yeah. then, people post it-
|
X
| 5
| 4
| 4.2
|
117
|
Male
|
you can imagine some of the thoughts that are going through my mind right now. imagine our nights out.
|
H
| 6.111111
| 6.166667
| 5.444444
|
118
|
Male
|
okay. right. this is based on what i imagined somebody-
|
N
| 3.8
| 4
| 4
|
118
|
Male
|
easy. i'm going to pull your ears out, but you can only have these super advanced earphones put right into it, and you can only have these three songs for the rest of your life.
|
X
| 4.2
| 4.4
| 4.2
|
117
|
Male
|
this is- please, dad. i've got the surgical table ready everything.
|
H
| 5.705882
| 5.647059
| 5.176471
|
118
|
Male
|
would you do that over "bohemian rhapsody?"
|
X
| 3.333333
| 4.166667
| 3.833333
|
117
|
Male
|
no. no, i wouldn't. good call.
|
N
| 2.8
| 3.6
| 3.2
|
118
|
Male
|
if it wasn't that, i would go for "never let you down." never let me down from [inaudible 00:00:05:54].
|
N
| 3.4
| 4.2
| 4.4
|
118
|
Male
|
i say there's an atmosphere when you go there, but when you go to where will we live, i'm not telling you where we live-
|
N
| 4
| 3.8
| 3.8
|
118
|
Male
|
i do love johnny cash's version, and i like it better than the nine inch nail version, but for some reason, if i were going to listen to it forever, i'd go with the nine inch nails version.
|
X
| 4.2
| 5
| 4.6
|
117
|
Male
|
i'm going to say... do you want to keep the internet-
|
X
| 3.6
| 4.2
| 3.6
|
118
|
Male
|
H
| 5.666667
| 6.083333
| 5.583333
|
117
|
Male
|
|
scarlett johansson's naked pictures. i felt guilty about looking-
|
X
| 4.2
| 3.2
| 4.4
|
117
|
Male
|
it's the fact that the royals told them not to put the pictures out, and for a while, they didn't. when, if that was anyone else-
|
A
| 3.4
| 3
| 4
|
117
|
Male
|
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