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MSP_POD_NLP

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he comes and he just like walks into my house, and we're eating breakfast, and he's like...
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and my mom's sitting there, she's like, "what did you buy?" and he was like, "what do you mean, 'what'd i buy'?", she's like, "you bought something stupid, we all know you bought something stupid. what is it?" and he's like,
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"i bought a go-kart".
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and i was like... 'cause one of the amusement parks in edmonton, whitemud amusement park, just closed down.
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he went there and he's like, "are you guys selling your go-karts?" and they were like, "yeah", and they were like, "oh yeah, it's $3,000 for one".
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and he was like, "okay,
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can i talk you down a bit?" so he like started like wheeling and dealing with them, and then so i go outside, i'm like looking in his truck, he has a go-kart in the back of his truck,
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and
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i went... oh, my god. and... "i didn't buy one", and i was like, "how many do you buy?" and he's like, "i bought five".
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i was like, "what!?" so
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he started talking to them, and he said, "okay, well, buying one go-kart is fun, but you can't go with anybody",
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so you needed to buy two, so that you could have a race, but then three makes a better race, 'cause there's three, and then five, it's just a fleet that you can...
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oh, that makes sense.
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and he got them for a really good deal, 'cause he just started wheeling and dealing them. so, he just brought over a go-kart. he's like, "yeah, want to go for a rip?" i was like...
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so we got the go-kart down and started it, and i have videos. i should post a couple of videos.
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they're so much fun. they go, well, the one that he brought over goes just over 40 miles an hour,
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so like, 70 kilometers an hour? we're ripping around my area. and you just go sideways, you're just drifting everywhere.
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it was so much fun! and we burnt the seatbelt.
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it hit the ditch a couple of times. but, it was fun.
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it's right on whitemud and 66th.
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yeah, i went go-tarting with him there. he sucks at go-karting, i'm awesome.
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oh yeah, i wouldn't have done that. i would have laughed at you, and then just hit you.
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right out of the gate, they fell on the side and i was
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like, "i'm not going to be the loser this time!" and i was, i was still the loser. you probably were. so, that was fun. yeah. that was an exciting morning. and then right after that,
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i went to jamie's house for thanksgiving dinner, and... your mom was...
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? obnoxiously drunk, which is normal.
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that's totally normal. and then we started playing apples to apples, which is the funniest game ever to play around drunk people.
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so if you guys don't know what apples to apples is, you draw an adjective.
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an adjective? sure. it's a describing word, right? yep. it'll say like, "clumsy."
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and then you have seven cards in your hand that are all nouns and you have to try and find the one that fits it the best. and it'll say, "clumsy," and i go "elephants." and then whoever's is the best gets the card.
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yeah, it's like the...
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yeah. so my dad got a card and he's like, "i don't even know what this is." and i was like, "what do you mean?" i was like, "sound it out."
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he's like "[inaudible]." i was like, "well, what is this?" and there's like a little description, i was like, "what does the description say?" he's like, "he's an american raper."
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raper. i was like, "you don't know who tupac is?" he's like, "no,
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[inaudible]." and then my mom got super drunk and every time she put down a card, she would always forget which card she put down.
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so we would be like, "okay, this one wins." and everyone would be like, looking around and be like, "oh, that's not mine. that's not mine." and my mom would just be like, "who won?" and we're like, "mom, it's you." she's like,
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"oh i put that... oh cool."
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[crosstalk] she had no idea what she was putting down half the time and she won like half of them. that's great. and then she got one, what was it?
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oh, she got one that said, "picking your nose," and she couldn't read it, she was like, "pickling your nose?"
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she's like, "that doesn't even make any sense. what's 'pickling your nose' mean?"
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i like your parents. they just got drunk and said stupid things. that's so good. it was pretty funny. and then we got one
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"peter dinklage," which is the...
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word for dick. and it's for a little dick. he's like, "you're
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gifting him the name peter in the first place and your last name is dinklage. who names their kid that?" it's like my instagram post of that...
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oh god. you were really into that. anyway. so those are stupid names, though.
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stupid. love your kids a little. god.
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[crosstalk]
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in the comments. hello. the first topic i pull out is "bad names." okay. well, we already got through that peter dinklage and harry hole.
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yep. oh, and i know a girl whose last name is zaas. z-a-a-s. it's like russian or something.
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her name's jessica. so her name is jessica zaas, which is kind of funny.
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go watch all of the podcasts to find that story.
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well, actually i did almost kill him. well, no. [steven] almost killed him because steven almost ran him over because he's laying under a tire.
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the entire time we were just like having a good old time and two of my friends, the one guy's just like a big guy and the other guy's like my size,
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they're outside in the smoker's pit. and the one guy, [brayden] was like... he saw his friends on the sidewalk. and he was like, "oh, hey." waving to his friends and he
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grabbed the gate to the smoker's pit and opened it up. and there's a cover charge to get into cook county. so he took the gate and opened it up. and the people were like...
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i don't have any drunk stories that i can remember at this point.
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i got really fucked up on my birthday. and this is
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one of those moments where you hear every adult talk about where they're like, "and i never drank that much again." i lost six hours. i don't know what happened for six hours.
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no, you're going to die. if you haven't had your period yet and you're 12.
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you're going to die, by the way. yep. the thing is, if people have to ask these fucking questions, like how bad is the health class in school?
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i knew this- how bad is google. just google it. just fucking google it.
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i mean, i have videos on this shit guys, like go watch...
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but, legitimately, there are so many people who ask fucking stupid questions. do i look like a doctor to you?
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if your vagina smells like sardines mixed with a hint of peanut butter, do you think that i know how to fix that? because i don't. go ask your doctor. actually, i do.
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no, that's weird. oh okay. what you do is, you know how you put them on your vent in your car and it blows air through them. and then a little fan spins and it blows fresh air out.
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i'm in this class and it's one of those classes where the teacher thinks that what we're doing it's really difficult, but it's actually not.
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which is great, because then she thinks that she's getting us this intense...
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yeah, i'm like, "what's happening?" and they're like, "i don't fucking know."
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but she does these really step by step instructions and she's very good about being like, "hey, if you have any questions, let me know." and
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fucking everybody in the class does not know how to read any fucking instructions because every five seconds people are like,
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"but when is this due?" and instead of just being like, "it's literally right there." she'll go over when it's due for like 10 minutes.
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and it's like, "okay, you could just point to the fucking thing right there." and then just... this class guys, it's just blowing my mind
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how stupid- i'm like, "but you don't..." and they don't... we don't get assignment sheets or anything. they just say, "okay, do this." and we're like, "okay, when do you want it done by?"
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they're like, "ha." i'm just excited for you to graduate so we can have one of those podcasts where it's like, "and this teacher, i fucking hated you."
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[inaudible] another topic. let's talk about something else.
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why you started youtube?
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what? shut up. i was speed writing. why'd you start youtube?
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[inaudible] [justin] channel. i'm sure he'll post a video any month now. yeah.
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because i come on here. yeah.
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this is how depressing that is. i get between two and three hours of sleep a night. that's so
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sad. how are you functioning? you need to nap
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every day. all the time. yeah. for eight hours every night. that's when i need naps. but, that's not happening.
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okay. we got a question about what to do when you're making out with someone and they put their tongue in your mouth.
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i've never had a bad kiss. really? yeah.
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i've had two stand out, bad, shitty kisses. and one had a lizard tongue. and when we were kissing, it would just be like...
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and the other one would do that whole big tongue thing. where it's like...
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just all enveloping my mouth. and i was like, "stop that."
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yeah. he would make his tongue as big as possible and would just circle my mouth, just for like minutes at a time. and i was fucking waste...
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i mean, i had a lot of alcohol that night, so it was sterile.
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really sterile liver. god. my liver is clean.
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i've been missing heavy, good kisses. when you have a lot of bad ones.
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i don't know how to pick people very well. obviously not. except you know, now it's good.
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mom was watching the podcast and she just came up to me the other day. she's like, "you should get me and michelle on. that'd be so fucking funny."
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she's like, "they'd all understand where you got all your craziness from, but i have to be really careful not to swear, so they think that that's all you and nothing to do with me."
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and i was like, "no, you're not going to fucking lie to these people."
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i wouldn't even like... i don't know. social services would be at my door.
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coming down below. okay, bye. no. so justin was like, "let's talk about depression." i am studying psychology. i understand that depression is obviously a thing.
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i have friends who have depression and duh, real, and i will be making girl talks on it once i get a little bit more educated next semester, but...
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okay, so this is the thing. fuck you, vegans. i'm going to say that first of all, because hopefully i won't get more offensive than that.
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recently, in recent years, in like the last decade or so,
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