| ==Diet Phrack== |
|
|
| Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 9 of 11 |
|
|
| /---------------------------------------------------------------------------\ |
| | THE MEN FROM | |
| | M M OOOOO N N GGGGG OOOOO | |
| | MM MM O O NN N G O O | |
| | M M M O O N N N G GG O O | |
| | M M O O N NN G G O O | |
| | M M OOOOO N N GGGGG OOOOO | |
| | | |
| | -*- present -*- | |
| | | |
| | +-----------------+ | |
| | | Real Cyberpunks | | |
| | +-----------------+ | |
| | | |
| | 9/24/91 | |
| | | |
| | With all this shit in the news and now a book about cyberpunks, we have| |
| |a bunch of lame assholes who think they are cyberpunks running around | |
| |blackening the name. In response to this we'd created this g-file so | |
| |everybody can tell the lamers from the real cyberpunks. Most of these | |
| |wanna-be cyberpunks will probably be offended by what we're going to say, | |
| |because the description of what defines a real cyberpunk doesn't apply to | |
| |them. Remember though, cyberpunk is mostly an attitude (this g-file | |
| |describes physical manifestations of this attitude), and real cyberpunks | |
| |don't get upset over something written in a g-file. | |
| \---------------------------------------------------------------------------/ |
|
|
| CLOTHING |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't wear paisley, or any of that other neo- |
| futuristic, yuppie, artfag shit. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks wear military surplus clothing, non-neon colored |
| Gortex, bluejeans, boots (combat or motorycle), Factsheet-5 T-Shirts, |
| and kilts (on formal occasions). |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't shop at Banana Republic or the "Mainframe" |
| clothing section at Sears. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have the balls to go to Thrift Shops. |
| Corollary to the above: Anyone who makes fun of a cyberpunk shopping at |
| a thrift shop usually winds up in ICU. |
|
|
| COMPUTERS |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't use IBM PCs or Tandy 1000s. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks that have the $$$ use 486s, and 68030s. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks that don't have the $$$ use whatever the hell they can |
| get ahold of (except IBM PCs an Tandy 1000s). |
|
|
| - All real Cyberpunks still own a TI-99/4A, S-100, Apple ][ w/Apple Cat, |
| or an Atari 130XE with ATR8000 & 850 interfaces as their backup |
| machine. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks program in assembler and ADA. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think C is cute for a fuck-around language. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think of the Amiga as a cute toy. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunk SYSOPS run Stonehenge. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks realize the Apple Cat was the best modem ever made. |
|
|
|
|
| CARS |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks drive whatever they can afford. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks never drive an unmodified vehicle. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think Audi, BMW, and Mercedes cars serve best as rocket |
| launcher targets. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks who can afford them drive something with a V-8. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks go to every police auction |
| in their area. |
|
|
| TECH |
|
|
| - All real cyberpunks have their ham license. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know the difference between a resistor and a capacitor. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know where to get tech cheap in their area. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks practically live at their local |
| surplus store. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think Radio Shack sucks, but still buy from there |
| because it's convenient. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks put pragmatism before |
| principle. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks always carry a Leatherman Tool. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a Leatherman Tool is. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks own a dual-band HT. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a dual-band HT is. |
| Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks have hosed McDonalds at |
| least once. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know how use a TDR. |
| Corollary to the above: The have also managed to get ahold of one for |
| free. |
|
|
| POLITICS & LAW |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks are politically aware, but avoid getting involved in |
| that bullshit. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think all politicians should be castrated. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks are libertarians. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have copies of their state's law statues. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know the difference between the Declaration of |
| Independence and The Constitution. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what both of those say. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't get caught. |
|
|
| KNOWLEDGE |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks read 2600, Factsheet-5, Full Disclosure, Iron Feather |
| Journal, Cybertek, Radio Electronics, Circuit Cellar Ink, Computer |
| Shopper, American Survival Guide, and any 'zines about local bands in |
| their area. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks understand what they read in |
| these publications. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think Mondo2000, for the most part, sucks. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks learn about everything from Computers to Crossbows. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know how to spell. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks speak at least 2 languages. |
|
|
| WEAPONS |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't have the typical yuppie artfag fear of weapons |
| that most modem users seem to have. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know the value of useful |
| equipment. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks own at least one gun. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks carry Gerber, Cold Steel, SOG, AlMar, or Spyderco |
| blades. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think custom steel is neat, but |
| costs too much. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have memorized The Improvised Munitions Black Book. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know The Anarchist Cookbook is a crock of shit. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks buy everything authored by Seymour Lecker and Kurt |
| Saxon. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks keep a supply of DMSO handy. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what DMSO is. |
|
|
| MUSIC |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks go to The Mentors' concerts whenever they can. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think C&C Music Factory is just a bunch of out-of-the- |
| closet homosexuals. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks don't listen to Paula Abdul. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson should be napalmed. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Michael Jackson is a |
| reincarnate of his monkey Bubbles. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think Top-40 sucks. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks listen to Ministry, The Cure, Skinny Puppy, The |
| Misfits, Rush, Pink Floyd, etc. |
|
|
| - In the end, real cyberpunks listen to whatever the fuck they want. |
|
|
| PHREAKING & HACKING |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks think codes are for fags, but use them anyway because |
| they put pragmatism before principle. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know what TEMPEST means. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks use data-taps. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have Internet access. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know why Broadway Hacker invited everyone to his house. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know what PPS really means. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know Clifford Stoll's ex-wife is a lesbian. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know that Clifford Stoll is an |
| asshole. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know just how good friends John Maxfield and Broadway |
| Hacker are. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know who John Maxfield is and what he was arrested for. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks own a blue box, and still use it. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what a blue box is, and |
| know how to use it. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know what a TS-21 is. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks stole their TS-21. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have acquired a Bell System hard-hat. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks have a payphone. |
| Corollary to the above: The payphone belongs to someone else. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks on the east coast have attended at least one 2600 |
| meeting. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks who have attended a 2600 |
| meeting don't go to them anymore. |
| Corollary to the corollary: Real cyberpunks are waiting for another |
| OSUNY meeting. |
| Further corollary: Real cyberpunks know what OSUNY originally stood |
| for. |
|
|
| HEALTH |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks use Choline, Ginseng, and Golden Seal. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks know what these are. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know about the medicinal value of various plants. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks take care of themselves. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks take time away from fucking with their computers to get |
| some exercise. |
|
|
| FOOD & DRINK |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks drink Jolt. |
| Corollary to the above: Real cyberpunks think Pepsi is for artfags. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks are intimately familiar with the selection at 7 - |
| Eleven, but avoid it whenever possible. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks know how to cook. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks drink Guinness Stout. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks who are under 21 distill their own. |
|
|
| - Real cyberpunks can go to a Supermarket and not get lost. |
|
|
| That's it for now, but since lamers are always finding mew ways to become |
| lame, expect a Real Cyberpunks Vol. II soon. |
|
|
| Yours truly, |
| The Men From Mongo, 9/24/91 |
| :OSUNY, TCO, PPS, SPS, PHALCO |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
