| ==Phrack Magazine== |
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| Volume Five, Issue Forty-Six, File 3 of 28 |
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| PART I |
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| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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| !! NEW PHRACK CONTEST !! |
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| Phrack Magazine is sponsoring a programming contest open to anyone |
| who wishes to enter. |
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| Write the Next Internet Worm! Write the world's best X Windows wardialer! |
| Code something that makes COPS & SATAN look like high school Introduction |
| to Computing assignments. Make the OKI 1150 a scanning, tracking, vampire- |
| phone. Write an NLM! Write a TSR! Write a stupid game! It doesn't |
| matter what you write, or what computer it's for! It only matters that you |
| enter! |
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| Win from the following prizes: |
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| Computer Hardware & Peripherals |
| System Software |
| Complete Compiler packages |
| CD-ROMS |
| T-Shirts |
| Magazine Subscriptions |
| and MANY MORE! |
|
|
| STOP CRACKING PASSWORDS AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR LIFE! |
|
|
| Enter the PHRACK PROGRAMMING CONTEST! |
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| The rules are very simple: |
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| 1) All programs must be original works. No submissions of |
| previously copyrighted materials or works prepared by |
| third parties will be judged. |
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| 2) All entries must be sent in as source code only. Any programming |
| language is acceptable. Programs must compile and run without |
| any modifications needed by the judges. If programs are specific |
| to certain platforms, please designate that platform. If special |
| hardware is needed, please specify what hardware is required. |
| If include libraries are needed, they should be submitted in addition |
| to the main program. |
|
|
| 3) No virii accepted. An exception may be made for such programs that |
| are developed for operating systems other than AMIGA/Dos, System 7, |
| MS-DOS (or variants), or OS/2. Suitable exceptions could be, but are not |
| limited to, UNIX (any variant), VMS or MVS. |
|
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| 4) Entries may be submitted via email or magnetic media. Email should be |
| directed to phrack@well.com. Tapes, Diskettes or other storage |
| media should be sent to |
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| Phrack Magazine |
| 603 W. 13th #1A-278 |
| Austin, TX 78701 |
|
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| 5) Programs will be judged by a panel of judges based on programming skill |
| displayed, originality, usability, user interface, documentation, |
| and creativity. |
|
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| 6) Phrack Magazine will make no claims to the works submitted, and the |
| rights to the software are understood to be retained by the program |
| author. However, by entering, the Author thereby grants Phrack Magazine |
| permission to reprint the program source code in future issues. |
|
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| 7) All Entries must be received by 12-31-94. Prizes to be awarded by 3-1-95. |
|
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| -------------------------INCLUDE THIS FORM WITH ENTRY------------------------- |
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| Author: |
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| Email Address: |
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| Mailing Address: |
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| Program Name: |
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| Description: |
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| Hardware & Software Platform(s) Developed For: |
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| Special Equipment Needed (modem, ethernet cards, sound cards, etc): |
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| Other Comments: |
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| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
| COMPUTER COP PROPHILE |
| FOLLOW-UP REPORT |
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| LT. WILLIAM BAKER |
| JEFFERSON COUNTY POLICE |
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|
| by |
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| The Grimmace |
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|
| In PHRACK 43, I wrote an article on the life and times |
| of a computer cop operating out of the Jefferson County Police |
| Department in Louisville, Kentucky. In the article, I included |
| a transcript of a taped interview with him that I did after |
| socially engineering my way through the cop-bureaucracy in his |
| department. At the time I thought it was a hell of an idea and a |
| lot of PHRACK readers probably got a good insight into how the |
| "other side" thinks. |
|
|
| However, I made the terminal mistake of underestimating |
| the people I was dealing with by a LONG shot and felt that I |
| should write a short follow-up on what has transpired since that |
| article was published in PHRACK 43. |
|
|
| A lot of the stuff in the article about Lt. Baker was |
| obtained by an attorney I know who has no reason to be friendly |
| to the cops. He helped me get copies of court transcripts which |
| included tons of information on Baker's training and areas of |
| expertise. Since the article, the attorney has refused to talk |
| to me and, it appears, that he's been identified as the source |
| of assistance in the article and all he will say to me is that |
| "I don't want any more trouble from that guy...forget where you |
| left my phone number." Interesting...no elaboration...hang up. |
|
|
| As I recall, the PHRACK 43 issue came out around |
| November 17th. On November 20th, I received a telephone call |
| where I was living at the home of a friend of mine from Lt. |
| Baker who laughingly asked me if I needed any more information |
| for any "future articles". I tried the "I don't know what |
| you're talking about" scam at which time he read to me my full |
| name, date of birth, social security number, employer, license |
| number of my car, and the serial number from a bicycle I just |
| purchased the day before. I figured that he'd run a credit |
| history on me, but when I checked, there had been no inquiries |
| on my accounts for a year. He told me the last 3 jobs I'd held |
| and where I bought my groceries and recited a list of BBSs I was |
| on (two of which under aliases other than The Grimmace). |
|
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| This guy had a way about him that made a chill run up my |
| spine and never once said the first threatening or abusive thing |
| to me. I suppose I figured that the cops were all idiots and |
| that I'd never hear anything more about the article and go on to |
| write some more about other computer cops using the same method. |
| I've now decided against it. |
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|
| I got the message...and the message was "You aren't the |
| only one who can hack out information." I'd always expected to |
| get the typical "cop treatment" if I ever got caught doing |
| anything, but I think this was worse. Hell, I never know where |
| the guy's gonna show up next. I've received cryptic messages on |
| the IRC from a variety of accounts and servers all over the |
| country and on various "private" BBSs and got one on my birthday |
| on my Internet account...it traced back to an anonymous server |
| somewhere in the bowels of UCLA. I don't know anyone at UCLA |
| and the internet account I have is an anonymous account actually |
| owned by another friend of mine. |
|
|
| I think the point I'm trying to make is that all of us |
| have to be aware of how the cops think in order to protect |
| ourselves and the things we believe in. But...shaking the |
| hornet's nest in order to see what comes out maybe isn't the |
| coolest way to investigate. |
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|
| Like I wrote in my previous article, we've all gotten a |
| big laugh from keystone cops like Foley and Golden, but things |
| may be changing. Local and federal agencies are beginning to |
| cooperate on a regular basis and international agencies are also |
| beginning to join the party. |
|
|
| The big push to eradicate child-pornography has led to a number of |
| hackers being caught in the search for the "dirty old men" on the Internet. |
| Baker was the Kentucky cop who was singularly responsible for the bust of the |
| big kiddie-porn FSP site at the University of Birmingham in England back |
| in April and got a lot of press coverage about it. But I had personally |
| never considered that a cop could hack his way into a password-protected |
| FSP site. And why would he care about something happening on the other |
| side of the world? Hackers do it, but not cops...unless the cops are |
| hackers. Hmmm...theories anyone? |
|
|
| I don't live in Louisville anymore...not because of |
| Baker, but because of some other problems, but I still look over |
| my shoulder. It would be easier if the guy was a prick, but I'm |
| more paranoid of the friendly good-ole boy than the raving |
| lunatic breaking in our front doors with a sledge hammer. I |
| always thought we were safe because we knew so much more than |
| the people chasing us. I'm not so certain of that anymore. |
|
|
| So that's it. I made the mistakes of 1) probably |
| embarrassing a guy who I thought would never be able to touch me |
| and 2), drawing attention to myself. A hacker's primary |
| protection lies in his anonymity...those who live the high |
| profiles are the ones who take the falls and, although I haven't |
| fallen yet, I keep having the feeling that I'm standing on the |
| edge and that I know the guy sneaking up behind me. |
|
|
| From the shadows-- |
| The Grimmace |
| [HsL - RAt - UQQ] |
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| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
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| !! PHRACK READS !! |
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| "Cyberia" by Douglas Rushkoff |
| Review by Erik Bloodaxe |
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|
| Imagine a book about drugs written by someone who never inhaled. |
| Imagine a book about raves written by someone saw a flyer once. |
| Imagine a book about computers by someone who someone who thinks |
| a macintosh is complex. |
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| Imagine an author trying to make a quick buck by writing about something |
| his publisher said was hot and would sell. |
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| And there you have Cyberia, by Douglas Rushkoff. |
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| I have got to hand it to this amazing huckster Rushkoff, though. By |
| publishing Cyberia, and simultaneously putting out "The Gen X Reader," |
| (which by the way is unequaled in its insipidness), he has covered all |
| bases for the idiot masses to devour at the local bookseller. |
|
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| Rushkoff has taken it upon himself to coin new terms such as |
| "Cyberia," the electronic world we live in; "Cyberians," the people |
| who live and play online; etc... |
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| Like we needed more buzzwords to add to a world full of "Infobahns" |
| "console cowboys," and "phrackers." Pardon me while I puke. |
|
|
| The "interviews" with various denizens of Rushkoff's "Cyberia" come off |
| as fake as if I were to attempt to publish an interview with Mao Tse Tung |
| in the next issue of Phrack. |
|
|
| We've got ravers talking on and on about "E" and having deep conversations |
| about smart drugs and quantum physics. Let's see: in the dozens of raves |
| I've been to in several states the deepest conversation that popped |
| up was "uh, do you have any more of that acid?" and "this mix is cool." |
| And these conversations were from the more eloquent of the nearly all under |
| 21 crowd that the events attracted. Far from quantum physicians. |
| And beyond that, its been "ecstasy" or "X" in every drug culture I've wandered |
| through since I walked up the bar of Maggie Mae's on Austin, Texas' 6th Street |
| in the early 80's with my fake id and bought a pouch of the magic elixir over |
| the counter from the bartender (complete with printed instructions). |
| NOT "E." But that's just nit-picking. |
|
|
| Now we have the psychedelic crowd. Listening to the "Interviews" of these |
| jokers reminds me of a Cheech and Chong routine involving Sergeant Stedanko. |
| "Some individuals who have smoked Mary Jane, or Reefer oftimes turn to |
| harder drugs such as LSD." That's not a quote from the book, but it may |
| as well be. People constantly talk about "LSD-this" and "LSD-that." |
| Hell, if someone walked into a room and went on about how he enjoyed his |
| last "LSD experience" the way these people do, you'd think they were |
| really really stupid, or just a cop. "Why no, we've never had any of |
| that acid stuff. Is it like LSD?" Please. |
|
|
| Then there are the DMT fruitcakes. Boys and girls, DMT isn't being sold |
| on the street corner in Boise. In fact, I think it would be easier for most |
| people to get a portable rocket launcher than DMT. Nevertheless, in every |
| fucking piece of tripe published about the "new psychedlicia" DMT is |
| splattered all over it. Just because Terrance Fucking McKenna |
| saw little pod people, does not mean it serves any high position |
| in the online community. |
|
|
| And Hackers? Oh fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Douglas. From Craig Neidorf's |
| hacker Epiphany while playing Adventure on his Atari VCS to Gail |
| Thackeray's tearful midnight phonecall to Rushkoff when Phiber Optik |
| was raided for the 3rd time. PLEASE! I'm sure Gail was up to her eyebrows |
| in bourbon, wearing a party hat and prank calling hackers saying "You're next, |
| my little pretty!" Not looking for 3rd-rate schlock journalists to whine to. |
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| The Smart Drink Girl? The Mondo House? Gee...how Cyber. Thanks, but |
| no thanks. |
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|
| I honestly don't know if Rushkoff really experienced any of this nonsense, |
| or if he actually stumbled on a few DMT crystals and smoked this |
| reality. Let's just say, I think Mr. Rushkoff was absent the day |
| his professor discussed "Creative License in Journalism" and just decided |
| to wing it. |
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|
| Actually, maybe San Francisco really is like this. But NOWHERE else on |
| the planet can relate. And shit, if I wanted to read a GOOD San |
| Francisco book, I'd reread Armistead Maupin's "Tales of the City." |
| This book should have been called "Everything I Needed to Know About |
| Cyber-Culture I Learned in Mondo-2000." |
|
|
| Seriously...anyone who reads this book and finds anything remotely |
| close to the reality of the various scenes it weakly attempts to |
| cover needs to email me immediately. I have wiped my ass with |
| better pulp. |
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| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| BOOK REVIEW: INFORMATION WARFARE |
| CHAOS ON THE ELECTRONIC SUPERHIGHWAY |
| By Winn Schwartau |
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|
| INFORMATION WARFARE - CHAOS ON THE ELECTRONIC SUPERHIGHWAY |
| By Winn Schwartau. (C)opyright 1994 by the author |
| Thunder's Mouth Press, 632 Broadway / 7th floor / New York, NY 10012 |
| ISBN 1-56025-080-1 - Price $22.95 |
| Distributed by Publishers Group West, 4065 Hollis St. / Emeryville, CA 94608 |
| (800) 788-3123 |
|
|
| Review by Scott Davis (dfox@fennec.com) |
| (from tjoauc1-4 ftp: freeside.com /pub/tjoauc) |
|
|
| If you only buy one book this year, make sure it is INFORMATION WARFARE! |
| In my 10+ years of existing in cyberspace and seeing people and organizations |
| debate, argue and contemplate security issues, laws, personal privacy, |
| and solutions to all of these issues...and more, never have I seen a more |
| definitive publication. In INFORMATION WARFARE, Winn Schwartau simply |
| draws the line on the debating. The information in this book is hard-core, |
| factual documentation that leaves no doubt in this reader's mind that |
| the world is in for a long, hard ride in regards to computer security. |
| The United States is open to the world's electronic terrorists. |
| When you finish reading this book, you will find out just how open we are. |
|
|
| Mr. Schwartau talks about industrial espionage, hacking, viruses, |
| eavesdroping, code-breaking, personal privacy, HERF guns, EMP/T bombs, |
| magnetic weaponry, and the newest phrase of our generation... |
| "Binary Schizophrenia". He exposes these topics from all angles. If you |
| spend any amount of time in Cyberspace, this book is for you. |
|
|
| How much do you depend on technology? |
|
|
| ATM machines, credit cards, toasters, VCR's, televisions, computers, |
| telephones, modems...the list goes on. You use technology and computers |
| and don't even know it! But the point is...just how safe are you from |
| invasion? How safe is our country's secrets? The fact is - they are NOT |
| SAFE! How easy is it for someone you don't know to track your every move |
| on a daily basis? VERY EASY! Are you a potential victim to fraud, |
| breech of privacy, or general infractions against the way you carry |
| on your daily activities? YES! ...and you'd never guess how vulnerable |
| we all are! |
|
|
| This book will take you deep into places the government refuses to |
| acknowledge. You should know about INFORMATION WARFARE. Order your |
| copy today, or pick it up at your favorite book store. You will not |
| regret it. |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| _Firewalls and Internet Security: Repelling the Wily Hacker_ |
|
|
| William R. Cheswick <ches@research.att.com> |
| Steven M. Bellovin <smb@research.att.com> |
|
|
| Addison-Wesley, ISBN 0-201-63357-4 |
| 306 + XIV = 320 pages |
| (Printed on recycled paper) |
|
|
| A-Somewhat-Less-Enthusiastic-Review |
|
|
| Reviewed by Herd Beast |
|
|
| The back of this book claims that, "_Firewalls and Internet Security_ |
| gives you invaluable advice and practical tools for protecting your |
| organization's computers from the very real threat of hacker attacks." |
| That is true. The authors also add something from their knowledge of |
| these hacker attacks. The book can be roughly separated into two |
| parts: Firewalls, and, you guessed it: Internet Security. That is |
| how I see it. The book itself is divided into four parts (Getting |
| Started, Building Your Own Firewall, A Look Back & Odds and Ends), |
| three appendixes, a bibliography, a list of 42 bombs and an index. |
|
|
| The book starts with overall explanations and an overview of the |
| TCP/IP protocol. More than an overview of the actual TCP/IP protocol, |
| it is a review of services often used with that protocol, and the |
| security risks they pose. In that chapter the authors define |
| "bombs" -- as particularly serious security risks. Despite that fact, |
| and the tempting bomb list in the end, this book is not a guide for |
| someone with passing knowledge of Internet security who wants to learn |
| more explicit details about holes. It is, in the authors' words, "not |
| a book on how to administer a system in a secure fashion." |
|
|
|
|
| FIREWALLS (Including the TCP/IP overview: pages 19-131) |
|
|
| What is a firewall and how is it built?(*) If you don't know that, |
| then definitely get this book. The Firewalls chapter is excellent |
| even for someone with a passing knowledge of firewalls or general |
| knowledge of what they set out to accomplish. You might still |
| learn more. |
|
|
| In the Firewalls chapter, the authors explain the firewall philosophy |
| and types of firewalls. Packet-filtering gateways rely on rule-based |
| packet filtering to protect the gateway from various types of attacks. |
| You can filter everything and achieve the same effect of disconnecting |
| from the Internet, you can filter everything from misbehaving sites, |
| you can allow only mail in, and so on. An application-level gateway |
| relies on the applications set on the firewall. Rather then let a |
| router filter traffic based on rules, one can strip a machine clean |
| and only run desired services -- and even then, more secure versions |
| of those services can be run. Circuit-level gateways relay data |
| between the gateway and other networks. The relay programs copy |
| data from inside the firewall to the outside, and log their activity. |
| Most firewalls on the Internet are a combination of these gateways. |
|
|
| Next, the authors explain how to build an application-level gateway |
| based on the work they have done with the research.att.com gateways. |
| As mentioned, this chapter is indeed very good. They go over setting |
| up the firewall machines, router configuration for basic packet |
| filtering (such as not allowing Internet packets that appear to come |
| from inside your network). They show, using the software on the |
| AT&T gateway as example, the general outline of proxies and give some |
| useful advise. That chapter is very interesting; reading it with Bill |
| Cheswick's (older) paper, "The Design of a Secure Internet Gateway" makes |
| it even better. The examples given, like the NFS and X proxies run on the |
| gateway, are also interesting by themselves. |
|
|
|
|
| INTERNET SECURITY (pages 133-237) |
|
|
| Internet security is a misleading name. This part might also be |
| called "Everything else." Most of it is a review of hacker attacks |
| logged by AT&T's gateway probes, and of their experience with a hacker. |
| But there is also a chapter dedicated to computer crime and the law -- |
| computer crime statutes, log files as evidence, the legalities of |
| monitoring intruders and letting them keep their access after finding |
| them, and the ethics of many actions performed on the Internet; plus |
| an introduction to cryptography under Secure Communication over Insecure |
| Networks. The later sections are good. The explanation of several |
| encryption methods and short reviews of applications putting them to use |
| (PEM, PGP and RIPEM) are clear (as clear as cryptography can get) and the |
| computer crime sections are also good -- although I'm not a lawyer and |
| therefore cannot really comment on it, and notes that look like "5 USC |
| 552a(b)(c)(10)" cause me to shudder. It's interesting to note that some |
| administrative functions as presented in this book, what the authors call |
| counter-intelligence (reverse fingers and rusers) and booby traps and fake |
| password file are open for ethical debate. Perhaps they are not illegal, |
| but counter-intelligence can surely ring the warning bells on the site being |
| counter-fingered if that site itself is security aware. |
|
|
| That said, let's move to hackers. I refer to these as "hacker studies", |
| or whatever, for lack of a better name. This is Part III (A Look |
| Back), which contains the methods of attacks (social engineering, |
| stealing passwords, etc), the Berferd incident (more on that later), |
| and an analysis (statistical and otherwise) of the Bell Labs gateway |
| logs. |
|
|
| Back to where we started, there is nothing new or innovative about |
| these chapters. The Berferd hacker case is not new, it is mostly just |
| uninteresting. The chapter is mostly a copy (they do state this) of |
| Bill Cheswick's paper titled "A Night with Berferd, in Which a Cracker |
| is Lured, Endured and Studied." The chapter concerning probes and |
| door-knob twisting on the Internet (Traps, Lures, and Honey Pots) |
| is mostly a copy (they do not state this) of Steven Bellovin's paper |
| titled, "There Be Dragons". What do we learn from the hacker-related |
| chapters? Let's take Berferd: The Sendmail DEBUG hole expert. After |
| mailing himself a password file and receiving it with a space after |
| the username, he tries to add accounts in a similar fashion. Cheswick |
| calls him "flexible". I might have chosen another F-word. Next are |
| the hacker logs. People finger. People tftp /etc/passwd. People try |
| to rlogin as bin. There are no advanced attacks in these sections. |
| Compared with the scary picture painted in the Firewalls chapter -- |
| that of the Bad Guy spoofing hostnames, flooding DNS caches, faking |
| NFS packets and much more -- something must have gone wrong.(**) |
|
|
| Still, I cannot say that this information is totally useless. It is, |
| as mentioned, old. It is available and was available since 1992 |
| on ftp://research.att.com:{/dist/internet_security,/dist/smb}. (***) |
|
|
| The bottom line is that this book is, in my opinion, foremost and upmost |
| a Firewaller's book. The hacker section could have been condensed |
| into Appendix D, a copy of the CERT advisory about computer attacks |
| ("Don't use guest/guest. Don't leave root unpassworded.") It really |
| takes ignorance to believe that inexperienced hackers can learn "hacker |
| techniques" and become mean Internet break-in machines just by reading |
| _Firewalls and Internet Security_. Yes, even the chapter dedicated |
| to trying to attack your own machine to test your security (The Hacker's |
| Workbench) is largely theoretical. That is to say, it doesn't go above |
| comments like "attack NFS". The probes and source code supplied there are |
| for programs like IP subnet scanners and so on, and not for "high-level" |
| stuff like ICMP bombers or similar software; only the attacks are |
| mentioned, not to implementation. This is, by the way, quite |
| understandable and expected, but don't buy this book if you think it |
| will make you into some TCP/IP attacker wiz. |
|
|
| In summary: |
|
|
| THE GOOD |
|
|
| The Firewalls part is excellent. The other parts not related to |
| hacker-tracking are good as well. The added bonuses -- in the form |
| of a useful index, a full bibliography (with pointers to FTP sites), |
| a TCP port list with interesting comments and a great (running out |
| of positive descriptions here) online resources list -- are also |
| grand (whew). |
|
|
| THE BAD |
|
|
| The hacker studies sections, based on old (circa 1992) papers, are |
| not interesting for anyone with any knowledge of hacking and/or |
| security who had some sort of encounters with hackers. People without |
| this knowledge might either get the idea that: (a) all hackers are |
| stupid and (b) all hackers are Berferd-style system formatters. Based on |
| the fact that the authors do not make a clear-cut statement about |
| hiring or not hiring hackers, they just say that you should think |
| if you trust them, and that they generally appear not to have a total |
| draconian attitude towards hackers in general, I don't think this was |
| intentional. |
|
|
| THE UGLY (For the nitpickers) |
|
|
| There are some nasty little bugs in the book. They're not errors |
| in that sense of the word; they're just kind of annoying -- if you're |
| sensitive about things like being called a hacker or a cracker, they'll |
| annoy you. Try this: although they explain why they would use the term |
| "hacker" when referring to hackers (and not "eggsucker", or "cracker"), |
| they often use terms like "Those With Evil Intention". Or, comparing |
| _2600 Magazine_ to the Computer underground Digest. |
|
|
| (*) From the Firewalls FAQ <fwalls-faq@tis.com>: |
| ``A firewall is any one of several ways of protecting one |
| network from another untrusted network. The actual mechanism |
| whereby this is accomplished varies widely, but in |
| principle, the firewall can be thought of as a pair of |
| mechanisms: one which exists to block traffic, and the other |
| which exists to permit traffic. Some firewalls place a |
| greater emphasis on blocking traffic, while others emphasize |
| permitting traffic.'' |
|
|
| (**) This would be a great place to start a long and boring discussion |
| about different types of hackers and how security (including firewalls) |
| affect them. But... I don't think so. |
|
|
| (***) ftp://research.att.com:/dist/internet_security/firewall.book also |
| contains, in text and PostScript, the list of parts, chapters and |
| sections in the book, and the Preface section. For that reason, |
| those sections weren't printed here. |
| All the papers mentioned in this review can be found on that FTP |
| site. |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| Announcing Bellcore's Electronic Information Catalog for Industry |
| Clients... |
|
|
| To access the online catalog: |
|
|
| telnet info.bellcore.com |
| login: cat10 |
|
|
| or dial 201-829-2005 |
| annex: telnet info |
| login: cat10 |
|
|
| [Order up some E911 Documents Online!] |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| TTTTT H H EEEEE |
| T H H E |
| T HHHHH EEEEE |
| T H H E |
| T H H EEEEE |
|
|
| CCC U U RRRR M M U U DDDD GGG EEEEE OOO N N |
| C C U U R R MM MM U U D D G G E O O NN N |
| C U U RRRR M M M U U D D G EEEEE O O N N N |
| C C U U R R M M U U D D G GG E O O N NN |
| CCC UUU R R M M UUU DDDD GGG EEEEE OOO N N |
|
|
| Bill Clinton promised good health care coverage for everyone. |
| Bill Clinton promised jobs programs for the unemployed. |
| Bill Clinton promised that everyone who wanted could serve in the military. |
| Bill Clinton promised a lot. So does the Curmudgeon. |
| But unlike Bill Clinton, we'll deliver... |
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|
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| interviews, political reporting, anti-establishment features and |
| commentary, short fiction, movie reviews, book reviews, and humor. Learn |
| the truth about the Gulf War, Clipper, and the Selective Service System. |
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| the Cure, Porno for Pyros, Pearl Jam, Dead Can Dance, Rhino Humpers, and |
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| the way you think about some things. Subscribe to the Curmudgeon on paper for |
| $10 or electronically for free. Electronic subscribers don't get |
| everything that paying subscribers do like photos, spoof ads, and some |
| articles. |
|
|
| Paper: send $10 check or money order to the Curmudgeon |
| 4505 University Way N.E. |
| Box 555 |
| Seattle, Washington |
| 98105 |
| Electronic: send a request to rodneyl@u.washington.edu |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |
| % The Journal Of American Underground Computing - ISSN 1074-3111 % |
| %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% |
|
|
| Computing - Communications - Politics - Security - Technology - Humor |
| -Underground - Editorials - Reviews - News - Other Really Cool Stuff- |
|
|
| Published Quarterly/Semi-Quarterly By Fennec Information Systems |
| This is one of the more popular new electronic publications. To |
| get your free subscription, please see the addresses below. |
| Don't miss out on this newsworthy publication. We are getting |
| hundreds of new subscriptions a month. This quarterly was promoted |
| in Phrack Magazine. If you don't subscribe, you're only cheating |
| yourself. Have a great day...and a similar tomorrow |
|
|
| * Coming soon * A Windows-based help file containing all of the issues |
| of the magazine as well as extensive bio's of all of the |
| editors. |
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|
| Subscription Requests: sub@fennec.com |
| Comments to Editors : editors@fennec.com |
| Back issues via Ftp : etext.archive.umich.edu /pub/Zines/JAUC |
| fc.net /pub/tjoauc |
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|
| Submissions : submit@fennec.com |
| Finger info : dfox@fc.net and kahuna@fc.net |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| Make the best out of your European pay telephone |
| by Onkel Dittmeyer, onkeld@ponton.hanse.de |
|
|
| ----------------------------------------------------- |
|
|
| Okay guys and girls, let's come to a topic old like the creation |
| but yet never revealed. European, or, to be more exact, German pay |
| phone technology. Huh-huh. |
|
|
| There are several models, round ones, rectangular ones, spiffy |
| looking ones, dull looking ones, and they all have one thing in |
| common: If they are something, they are not what the American reader |
| might think of a public pay telephone, unlike it's U.S. brothers, |
| the German payphones always operate off a regular customer-style |
| telephone line, and therefore they're basically all COCOTS, which |
| makes it a lot easier to screw around with them. |
|
|
| Let's get on with the models here. You are dealing with two |
| classes; coin-op ones and card-op ones. All of them are made by |
| Siemens and TELEKOM. The coin-op ones are currently in the process |
| of becoming extinct while being replaced by the new card-op's, and rather |
| dull. Lacking all comfort, they just have a regular 3x4 keypad, |
| and they emit a cuckoo tone if you receive a call. The only way to |
| tamper with these is pure physical violence, which is still easier |
| than in the U.S.; these babies are no fortresses at all. Well, while |
| the coin-op models just offer you the opportunity of ripping off |
| their money by physically forcing them open, there is a lot more |
| fun involved if you're dealing with the card babies. They are really |
| spiffy looking, and I mean extraordinary spiffy. Still nothing |
| compared to the AT&T VideoFoNeZ, but still really spiffy. The 2-line |
| pixel-oriented LCD readout displays the pure K-Radness of it's |
| inventors. Therefore it is equipped with a 4x4 keypad that has a lot |
| of (undocumented) features like switching the mother into touch-tone |
| mode, redial, display block etc. Plus, you can toggle the readout |
| between German, English, and French. There are rumors that you can |
| put it into Mandarin as well, but that has not been confirmed yet. |
|
|
| Let's get ahead. Since all payphones are operating on a regular |
| line, you can call them up. Most of them have a sign reading their |
| number, some don't. For those who don't, there is no way for you to |
| figure out their number, since they did not invent ANI yet over here |
| in the country famous for its good beer and yodel chants. Well, try |
| it. I know you thought about it. Call it collect. Dialing 010 will |
| drop you to a long-distance operator, just in case you didn't know. |
| He will connect the call, since there is no database with all the |
| payphone numbers, the payphone will ring, you pick up, the operator |
| will hear the cuckoo tone, and tell you to fuck off. Bad luck, eh? |
|
|
| This would not be Phrack if there would be no way to screw it. |
| If you examine the hook switch on it closely, you will figure out |
| that, if you press it down real slow and carefully, there are two |
| levels at whom it provokes a function; the first will make the phone |
| hang up the line, the second one to reset itself. Let me make this |
| a little clearer in your mind. |
|
|
| ----- <--- totally released |
| | |
| | |
| | <--- hang up line |
| press to this level --> | |
| | <--- reset |
| | |
| ----- <--- totally hung up |
|
|
| Involves a little practice, though. Just try it. Dial a number |
| it will let you dial, like 0130, then it will just sit there and |
| wait for you to dial the rest of the number. Start pressing down |
| the hookswitch really slow till the line clicks away into suspense, |
| if you release it again it will return you to the dial tone and |
| you are now able to call numbers you aren't supposed to call, like |
| 010 (if you don't have a card, don't have one, that's not graceful), |
| or 001-212-456-1111. Problem is, the moment the other party picks |
| up, the phone will receive a charge subtraction tone, which is a |
| 16kHz buzz that will tell the payphone to rip the first charge unit, |
| 30 pfennigs, off your card, and if you don't have one inserted and |
| the phone fails to collect it, it will go on and reset itself |
| disconnecting the line. Bad luck. Still good enough to harass your |
| favorite fellas for free, but not exactly what we're looking for, |
| right? Try this one. Push the hook lever to the suspension point, |
| and let it sit there for a while, you will have to release it a |
| bit every 5 seconds or so, or the phone will reset anyway. If you |
| receive a call while doing this, a buzz will appear on the line. |
|
|
| Upon that buzz, let the lever go and you'll be connected, and |
| the cuckoo tone will be shut up! So if you want to receive a collect |
| call, this is how you do it. Tell the operator you accept the charges, |
| and talk away. You can use this method overseas, too: Just tell your |
| buddy in the states to call Germany Direct (800-292-0049) and make |
| a collect call to you waiting in the payphone, and you save a cool |
| $1.17 a minute doing that. So much for the kids that just want to |
| have some cheap fun, and on with the rest. |
|
|
| Wasting so much time in that rotten payphone, you probably |
| noticed the little black box beneath the phone. During my, erm, |
| research I found out that this box contains some fuses, a standard |
| Euro 220V power connector, and a TAE-F standard phone connector. |
| Completing the fun is the fact that it's extremely easy to pry it |
| open. The TAE-F plug is also bypassing the phone and the charge |
| collection circuits, so you can just use it like your jack at home. |
| Bring a crowbar and your laptop, or your Pentium tower, power it over |
| the payphone and plug your Dual into the jack. This way you can even |
| run a board from a payphone, and people can download the latest |
| WaReZzzZzz right from the booth. It's preferable to obtain a key for |
| the lock of the box, just do some malicious damage to it (yes, let |
| the animal take control), and call Telekom Repairs at 1171 and they |
| will come and fix it. Since they always leave their cars unlocked, |
| or at least for the ones I ran across, you can either take the whole |
| car or all their k-rad equipment, manuals, keys, and even their lunch |
| box. But we're shooting off topic here. The keys are usually general |
| keys, means they fit on all payphones in your area. There should also |
| be a nationwide master key, but the German Minister of Tele- |
| communications is probably keeping that one in his desk drawer. |
|
|
| The chargecards for the card-op ones appear to have a little chip |
| on them, where each charge unit is being deducted, and since no-one |
| could figure out how it works, or how to refill the cards or make a |
| fake one, but a lot of German phreaks are busy trying to figure that |
| out. |
|
|
| A good approach is also social-engineering Telekom so they turn |
| off the charge deduction signal (which doesn't mean the call are free, |
| but the buzz is just not transmitted any more) so the phone doesn't |
| receive a signal to charge you any money no matter where you call. |
| The problem with this method is that the world will spread in the |
| neighborhood that there is a payphone where you can call for free, |
| and therefore it will be so crowded that you can't use it, and |
| the phone pals will catch up fast. It's fun though, I tried it, and |
| I still get free drinks at the local pub for doing it. |
|
|
| Another k-rad feature on them is the built-in modem that they use |
| to get their software. On a fatal error condition they appear to dial |
| a telecom number and download the latest software just how their ROM |
| commands them to do. We will shortly take a phone, install it some- |
| where else and figure out where it calls, what the protocol is and |
| what else is being transmitted, but that will probably be in another |
| Phrack. |
|
|
| If you found out anything that might be of interest, you are |
| welcome to mail it to onkeld@ponton.hanse.de using the public key |
| beneath. Unencrypted mail will be killed since ponton.hanse.de is |
| run by a paranoid bitch that reads all traffic just for the hell |
| of it, and I don't want the phedzZz to come and beat me over the |
| head with a frozen chunk o' meat or worse. |
|
|
| Stay alert, watch out and have fun... |
|
|
| -----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK----- |
| Version: 2.3a |
|
|
| mQCNAize9DEAAAEEAKOb5ebKYg6cAxaiVT/H5JhCqgNNDHpkBwFMNuQW2nGnLMvg |
| Q0woIxrM5ltnnuCBJGrGNskt3IMXsav6+YFjG6IA8YRHgvWEwYrTeW2tniS7/dXY |
| fqCCSzTxJ9TtLAiMDBgJFzOIUj3025zp7rVvKThqRghLx4cRDVBISel/bMSZAAUR |
| tChPbmtlbCBEaXR0bWV5ZXIgPG9ua2VsZEBwb250b24uaGFuc2UuZGU+ |
| =b5ar |
| -----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK----- |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| _ _ _ _ |
| ((___)) INFORMATION IS JUNK MAIL ((___)) |
| [ x x ] [ x x ] |
| \ / cDc communications \ / |
| (' ') -cDc- CULT OF THE DEAD COW -cDc- (' ') |
| (U) (U) |
| deal with it, presents unto you 10 phat t-files, deal with it, |
| S U C K E R fresh for July 1994: S U C K E R |
|
|
| New gNu NEW gnU new GnU nEW gNu neW gnu nEw GNU releases for July, 1994: |
|
|
| _________________________________/Text Files\_________________________________ |
|
|
| 261: "Interview with Greta Shred" by Reid Fleming. Reid conducts an in-depth |
| interview with the editor of the popular 'zine, _Mudflap_. |
|
|
| 262: "_Beverly Hills 90210_ as Nostalgia Television" by Crystal Kile. Paper |
| presented for the 1993 National Popular Culture Association meeting in New |
| Orleans. |
|
|
| 263: "What Color Is the Sky in Your World?" by Tequila Willy. Here's your |
| homework, done right for you by T. "Super-Brain" Willy. |
|
|
| 264: "Chicken Hawk" by Mark E. Dassad. Oh boy. Here's a new watermark low |
| level of depravity and sickness. If you don't know what a "chicken hawk" is |
| already, read the story and then you'll understand. |
|
|
| 265: "Eye-r0N-EE" by Swamp Ratte'. This one's interesting 'cause only about |
| half-a-dozen or so lines in it are original. The rest was entirely stuck |
| together from misc. files on my hard drive at the time. Some art guy could say |
| it's a buncha post-this&that, eh? Yep. |
|
|
| 266: "Interview with Barbie" by Clench. Barbie's got her guard up. Clench |
| goes after her with his rope-a-dope interview style. Rope-a-dope, rope-a-dope. |
| This is a boxing reference to a technique mastered by The Greatest of All Time, |
| Muhamed Ali. |
|
|
| 267: "About a Boy" by Franken Gibe. Mr. Gibe ponders a stolen photograph. |
| Tiny bunnies run about, unhindered, to find their own fate. |
|
|
| 268: "Mall Death" by Snarfblat. Story about a Dumb Girl[TM]. Are you |
| surprised? |
|
|
| 269: "Prophile: Future History" by THE NIGHTSTALKER. It's the future, things |
| are different, but the Master Hacker Dude lives on. |
|
|
| 270: "Time out for Pop" by Malcolm D. Moore. Sad account of a hopless-pop. |
|
|
| __________________________________/cDc Gnuz\__________________________________ |
|
|
| "And that no man might buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name |
| of the Cow, or the number of his name. Here is wisdom. Let him that hath |
| understanding count the number of the Cow: for it is the number of a man; and |
| his number is eight billion threescore and seven million nine hundred fourty- |
| four thousand three hundred threescore and two. So it is written." -Omega |
|
|
|
|
| Yowsah, yowsah, yowsah. JULY once again, the super-hooray month which marks |
| cDc's 8th year of existence. Outlasting everyone to completely rule and |
| dominate all of cyberspace, blah blah blah. Yeah, think a special thought |
| about cDc's significance in YOUR life the next time you go potty. Name your |
| firstborn child after me, and we'll call it karmicly even, pal. My name is |
| Leroy. |
|
|
|
|
| We're always taking t-file submissions, so if you've got a file and want to |
| really get it out there, there's no better way than with cDc. Upload text to |
| The Polka AE, to sratte@phantom.com, or send disks or hardcopy to the cDc post |
| office box in Lubbock, TX. No song lyrics and bad poetry please; we'll leave |
| that to the no-class-havin', bottom-feeder e-shoveling orgs. out there. |
|
|
|
|
| News item of the month, as found by Count Zero: |
|
|
| "ROTTING PIG FOUND IN DITCH |
|
|
| VERDEN, OKLAHOMA - Responding to a tip from an employee, Verden farmer Bill |
| McVey found a rotting pig in a ditch two miles north of town. Farmer McVey |
| reported the pig to the authorities, because you cannot, legally, just leave a |
| dead pig in a ditch. You must dispose of your deceased livestock properly. |
| There are companies that will take care of this for you. As for proper |
| disposal of large dead animals, McVey contracts with Used Cow Dealer." |
|
|
| "...and the rivers ran red with the bl00d |
| of the Damned and the Deleted..." |
| -Dem0nSeed |
|
|
| S. Ratte' |
| cDc/Editor and P|-|Ear13zz |_3@DeRrr |
| "We're into t-files for the groupies and money." |
| Middle finger for all. |
|
|
| Write to: cDc communications, P.O. Box 53011, Lubbock, TX 79453. |
| Internet: sratte@phantom.com. |
| ALL cDc FILES LEECHABLE FROM FTP.EFF.ORG IN pub/Publications/CuD/CDC. |
| _____________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| cDc Global Domination Update #16-by Swamp Ratte'-"Hyperbole is our business" |
| Copyright (c) 1994 cDc communications. All Rights Reserved. |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| ===[ Radio Modification Project ]===========================================> |
|
|
| Tuning in to Lower Frequency Signals June 26, 1994 |
|
|
| ====================================================[ By: Grendel / 905 ]===> |
|
|
| The lower frequency regions of the radio spectrum are often |
| ignored by ham'ers, pirates, and DX'ers alike due to the |
| relatively little known ways of tuning in. The following article |
| will detail how to construct a simple-made antenna to tune in |
| to the LF's and show how to adjust an amateur band type radio |
| to receive the desired signals. |
|
|
| ___________ |
| \ / |
| \/: \/ |
| / . \ |
| \_______/he lower frequency spectrum has been made to include |
| the very low frequency ("VLF" 2 kHz to 30 kHz) band and a |
| small part of the medium frequency ("MF" 300 - 500 kHz) band. |
| For our purposes, a suitable receiver must be able to cover |
| the 2 kHz to 500 kHz range as well as being calibrated at 10 |
| kHz intervals (standard). The receiver must also be capable of |
| covering AM and CW broadcasts. For best capabilities, the |
| receiver should also be able to cover LSB ("lower side band") |
| and USB ("upper side band"). |
|
|
| The Receiving System |
| `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`' |
| The receiver I use consists of a standard amateur HF ("High |
| Frequency") band receiver adjusted between the 3,500 and 4,000 |
| kHz bands. This causes the receiver to act as a tuneable IF |
| ("Intermediate Frequency") and also as demodulator. You will |
| also require a wideband LF ("Low Frequency") converter which |
| includes a 3,500 kHz crystal oscillator. See Fig. 1: |
|
|
| .==[ Fig 1. Block Diagram ]============================. |
| | _____ | |
| | \ANT/ | |
| | \./ crystal | |
| | | ______|______ ____________ | |
| | `-----| 2 - 500 kHz | | 3-4000 kHz | | |
| | | Converter* |--~--| IF Receiver|---OUTPUT | |
| | .-----|_____________| |____________| | |
| | | | |
| | GND | |
| |______________________________________________________| |
|
|
| *The converter is a circuit board type 80D/L-101/PCB |
| available from L.F. Engineering Co, 17 Jeffry Road, |
| East Haven CT, 06513 for $43 US including S & H.One |
| may be constructed to work with your receiver (but |
| at a higher price no doubt). |
|
|
| Phono jack plugs and sockets are used for the interconnections |
| throughout the receiving system and the converter and |
| receiver (~) are connected with RG58 coax cable of no greater |
| length than 4 ft. |
| When tuning, the station frequency is measured by deducting |
| 3,500 kHz from the scale on the main receiver (ie. 340 kHz = |
| 3,840 kHz on the main receiver, 120 = 3,620 kHz, 95 = 3,595 |
| kHz, etc.) |
|
|
| The Ferrite End-fed Antenna |
| `'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'`'` |
| This is a small antenna designed to tune between 95 kHz and |
| 500 kHz. It consists of a coil wound around a ferrite rod, with |
| a 4 ft. lead. |
|
|
| Materials: |
| o 7 7/8" x 3/8" ferrite rod |
| o 5" 24 SWG double cotton covered copper wire |
| o 2 PLASTIC coated terry clips |
| o a wood or plastic base (8 1/2" x .8" x .5") |
| o 2 standard, two-gang 500 pF tuning capacitors |
| o a plastic plate (preferably 2" high) |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| -- A Few Things on Van Eck's Method of Eavesdroping -- |
| Opticon the Disassembled - UPi |
|
|
| Dr Wim Van Eck, was the one who developed the anonymous method for |
| eavesdroping computers ( and, apparently, not only ) from distance, |
| in the laboratories of Neher, Holland. This method is based on the |
| fact that monitors do transmit electromagnetic radiations. As a device, |
| it is not too complex and it can be constructed from an experienced |
| electronics phreak. It uses a simple-direction antenna which grabs |
| monitor signals from about 800 meters away. Simplified schematics are |
| available from Consumertronics. |
|
|
| TEMPEST stands for Transient ElectroMagnetic Pulse Emanation STandard. |
| It concerns the quantity of electromagnetic radiations from monitors and |
| televisions, although they can also be detected on keyboards, wires, |
| printers and central units. There are some security levels in which such |
| radiations are supposed to be untraceable by Van Eck systems. Those |
| security levels or standards, are described thoroughly in a technical |
| exposition called NACSIM 5100A, which has been characterized by NSA |
| classified. |
|
|
| Variations of the voltage of the electrical current, cause electromagnetic |
| pulses in the form of radio waves. In cathode ray tube ( C.R.T. ) devices, |
| such as televisions and monitors, a source of electrons scans the internal |
| surface and activates phosphore. Whether or not the scanning is interlaced or |
| non-interlaced, most monitors transmit frequencies varying from 50 to 75 |
| Mhz per second. They also transmit harmonic frequencies, multiplies of the |
| basic frequencies; for example a transmitter with signal of 10 Mhz per second |
| will also transmit waves of 20, 30, 40 etc. Mhz. Those signals are |
| weaker because the transmiter itself effaces them. Such variations in the |
| voltage is what the Van Eck system receives and analyzes. |
|
|
| There are ways to prevent or make it harder for someone to monitor |
| your monitor. Obviously you cannot place your computer system |
| underground and cover it with a Faraday cage or a copper shield |
| ( If your case is already that, then you know more about Van Eck |
| than I do ). What else ? |
|
|
| (1) Certain computers, such as Wang's, prevent such divulges; |
| give preference to them. |
|
|
| (2) Place your monitor into a grounded metal box, 1.5 cm thick. |
|
|
| (3) Trace your tracer(s). They gonna panic. |
|
|
| (4) Increase of the brightness and lowering of the contrast |
| reduces TEMPEST's power. Metal objects, like bookshelves, |
| around the room, will also help a little bit. |
|
|
| (5) Make sure that two or more monitors are transmitting at the same |
| frequency and let them operate simultaneously; this will confuse |
| Van Eck systems. |
|
|
| (6) Buy or make on your own, a device which will transmit noise |
| at your monitor's frequency. |
|
|
| (7) Act naturally. That is: |
|
|
| (a) Call IRC, join #hack and never mumble a single word. |
|
|
| (b) Read only best selling books. |
|
|
| (c) Watch television at least 8 hours a day. |
|
|
| (d) Forget altruism; there is only you, yourself |
| and your dick/crack. |
|
|
| (8) Turn the monitor off. |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| -Almost Busted- |
| By: Deathstar |
|
|
| It all started one week in the last month of summer. Only my brother |
| and I were at the house for the whole week, so I did whatever I wanted. |
| Every night, I would phreak all night long. I would be either at a payphone |
| using AT&Tz, or at home sitting on a conference. I would be on the phone |
| till at least four or five in the morning. But one night, my luck was running |
| thin, and I almost phreaked for the last time. I was at a payphone, using |
| cards. I had been there since around twelve midnight.. The payphone was |
| in a shopping center with a supermarket and a few other stores. Most every |
| thing closed at eleven.. Except for the nearby gas station. Anyway, I was |
| on the phone with only one person that night. I knew the card would be dead |
| by the end of the night so I went ahead and called him on both of his lines |
| with both of the payphones in the complex with the same card. I had talked |
| for hours. It started to get misty and hard to see. Then, I noticed a car |
| of some kind pulling into the parking lot. I couldn't tell what kind of |
| car it was, because it was so dark. The car started pulling up to me, and |
| when it was around twenty feet away I realized it was a police car. They |
| got on the loudspeaker and yelled "Stay where you are!". I dropped the |
| phone and ran like hell past the supermarket to the edge of the complex. |
| I went down a bike path into a neighborhood of townhouses. Running across |
| the grass, I slipped and fell about two or three times. I knew they were |
| following me, so I had to hide. I ran to the area around the back of |
| the supermarket into a forest. I smacked right into a fence and fell |
| on the ground. I did not see the fence since it was so dark. Crawling a |
| few feet, I laid down and tried to cover my body with some leaves and |
| dirt to hide. I was wearing an orange shirt and white shorts. I laid |
| as still as I could, covered in dirt and leaves. I could hear the police |
| nearby. They had flashlights and were walking through the forest looking |
| for me. I knew I would get busted. I tried as hard as I could to keep |
| from shaking in fear. I lay there for around thirty minutes. Bugs were |
| crawling around on my legs biting me. I was itching all over. I couldn't |
| give up though, because if they caught me I knew that would be the end |
| of my phreaking career. I was trying to check if they were still looking |
| for me, because I could not hear them. Just as I was about to make a run |
| for it, thinking they were gone I heard a police radio. I sat tight again. |
| For another hour, I lay there until finally I was sure they were gone. I |
| got up and started to run. I made my way through the neighborhood to my |
| house. Finally I got home. It was around five thirty a.m. I was filthy. |
| The first thing I did was call the person I was talking to on the payphone |
| and tell him what happened. Then, I changed clothes and cleaned myself up. |
| I checked my vmb to find that a conference was up. I called it, and told |
| my story to everyone on. |
|
|
| I thought that was the end of my confrontation with the police, but I |
| was wrong. The next day I had some people over at my house. Two or Three |
| good friends. One of them said that there was a fugitive loose in our |
| town. We were bored so we went out in the neighborhood to walk around |
| and waste time. Hardly anyone was outside, and police cars were going |
| around everywhere. One guy did leave his house but he brought a baseball |
| bat with him. We thought it was funny. Anyway, we soon got bored and |
| went back home. Watching tv, we turned to the news. They had a Report |
| about the Fugitive. We watched. It showed a picture of the shopping |
| center I was at. They said "One suspect was spotted at this shopping |
| center last night at around four thirty in the morning. The officer |
| is around ninety five percent sure that the suspect was the fugitive. |
| He was wearing a orange shirt and white shorts, and ran when approached." |
| I then freaked out. They were searching my neighborhood for a fugitive |
| that didn't exist! I called back the guy I was talking to the night |
| before and told him, and then told everyone that was on the conference |
| the night before. It ended up that the fugitives never even entered |
| our state. They were caught a week later around thirty miles from |
| the prison they escaped from. Now I am known by two nicknames. "NatureBoy" |
| because everyone says I communed with nature for a hour and a half hiding |
| from the police, and "The Fugitive" for obvious reasons. Anywayz, That's |
| how I was almost busted.. |
|
|
| -DS |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|
| The following is a *true* story. It amused the hell out of me while it |
| was happening. I hope it isn't one of those "had to be there" things. |
| Copyright 1994 Captain Sarcastic, all rights reserved. |
|
|
| On my way home from the second job I've taken for the extra holiday ca$h I |
| need, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to eat. In my billfold is |
| a $50 bill and a $2 bill. That is all of the cash I have on my person. |
| I figure that with a $2 bill, I can get something to eat and not have to |
| worry about people getting pissed at me. |
|
|
| ME: "Hi, I'd like one seven layer burrito please, to go." |
| IT: "Is that it?" |
| ME: "Yep." |
| IT: "That'll be $1.04, eat here?" |
| ME: "No, it's *to* *go*." [I hate effort duplication.] |
|
|
| At his point I open my billfold and hand him the $2 bill. He looks at it |
| kind of funny and |
|
|
| IT: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." |
|
|
| He goes to talk to his manager, who is still within earshot. The |
| following conversation occurs between the two of them. |
|
|
| IT: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?" |
| MG: "No. A what?" |
| IT: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me." |
| MG: "Ask for something else, THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS A $2 BILL." [my emp] |
| IT: "Yeah, thought so." |
|
|
| He comes back to me and says |
|
|
| IT: "We don't take these. Do you have anything else?" |
| ME: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?" |
| IT: "I don't know." |
| ME: "See here where it says legal tender?" |
| IT: "Yeah." |
| ME: "So, shouldn't you take it?" |
| IT: "Well, hang on a sec." |
|
|
| He goes back to his manager who is watching me like I'm going to |
| shoplift, and |
|
|
| IT: "He says I have to take it." |
| MG: "Doesn't he have anything else?" |
| IT: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and get change." |
| MG: "I'M NOT OPENING THE SAFE WITH HIM IN HERE." [my emp] |
| IT: "What should I do?" |
| MG: "Tell him to come back later when he has REAL money." |
| IT: "I can't tell him that, you tell him." |
| MG: "Just tell him." |
| IT: "No way, this is weird, I'm going in back." |
|
|
| The manager approaches me and says |
|
|
| MG: "Sorry, we don't take big bills this time of night." [it was 8pm and |
| this particular Taco Bell is in a well lighted indoor mall with 100 |
| other stores.] |
| ME: "Well, here's a two." |
| MG: "We don't take *those* either." |
| ME: "Why the hell not?" |
| MG: "I think you *know* why." |
| ME: "No really, tell me, why?" |
| MG: "Please leave before I call mall security." |
| ME: "Excuse me?" |
| MG: "Please leave before I call mall security." |
| ME: "What the hell for?" |
| MG: "Please, sir." |
| ME: "Uh, go ahead, call them." |
| MG: "Would you please just leave?" |
| ME: "No." |
| MG: "Fine, have it your way then." |
| ME: "No, that's Burger King, isn't it?" |
|
|
| At this point he BACKS away from me and calls mall security on the phone |
| around the corner. I have two people STARING at me from the dining area, |
| and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later this |
| 45 year oldish guy comes in and says [at the other end of counter, in a |
| whisper] |
|
|
| SG: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?" |
| MG: "This guy is trying to give me some [pause] funny money." |
| SG: "Really? What?" |
| MG: "Get this, a *two* dollar bill." |
| SG: "Why would a guy fake a $2 bill?" [incredulous] |
| MG: "I don't know? He's kinda weird. Says the only other thing he has is |
| a fifty." |
| SG: "So, the fifty's fake?" |
| MG: "NO, the $2 is." |
| SG: "Why would he fake a $2 bill?" |
| MG: "I don't know. Can you talk to him, and get him out of here?" |
| SG: "Yeah..." |
|
|
| Security guard walks over to me and says |
|
|
| SG: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to use." |
| ME: "Uh, no." |
| SG: "Lemme see 'em." |
| ME: "Why?" |
| SG: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?" |
|
|
| At this point I was ready to say, "SURE, PLEASE," but I wanted to eat, so |
| I said |
|
|
| ME: "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this $2 bill." |
|
|
| I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I was taking a |
| swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, |
| and says |
|
|
| SG: "Mike, what's wrong with this bill?" |
| MG: "It's fake." |
| SG: "It doesn't look fake to me." |
| MG: "But it's a **$2** bill." |
| SG: "Yeah?" |
| MG: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?" |
|
|
| The security guard and I both looked at him like he was an idiot, and it |
| dawned on the guy that he had no clue. |
|
|
| My burrito was free and he threw in a small drink and those cinnamon |
| things, too. Makes me want to get a whole stack of $2 bills just to see |
| what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of |
| people, I could probably end up in jail. At least you get free food. |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ |
|
|