| ==Diet Phrack== |
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| Volume Three, Issue Thirty-Six, File 11 of 11 |
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| _______________________________________________ |
| | | |
| | ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ | |
| | | |
| | *Elite* World News | |
| | | |
| | Issue 36 / Part 2 of 2 | |
| | | |
| | Compiled, Edited, and Mangled by Dr. Dude | |
| | | |
| | ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ ^*^ | |
| |_______________________________________________| |
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| STUDS PROMOTE BETTER IMAGE |
|
|
| Introducing Eric Bloodtest, Dick Holiday, PH-factor, and Bobbie Buttercupps! |
|
|
| HOUSTON -- Three self-professed members of the Legion of Dudes, one of the |
| most notorious swingers groups to operate in the United States, said they now |
| want to get paid for their skills. Along with a former X-rated film actor, the |
| members launched a new dating service called ComseX Dating Security that will |
| check out women whom male customers might be interested in dating. |
|
|
| "We have been in the dating business for the last 11 years -- just holding |
| on to the different end of our stick," said Scott Girlchaser who said he once |
| used the handle Dick Holiday as a Legion of Dudes member. The group has been |
| celibate since late last year, Girlchaser said. |
|
|
| The start-up firm plans to offer sister penetration testing, personality |
| matching, and sexual training services as well as security products. "We have |
| information that you can't find in Penthouse or Playboy: We know why people |
| date, what motivates them, why they are curious," Girlchaser said. |
|
|
| Already, the start-up has met with considerable skepticism. |
|
|
| "Would I hire a gigolo to be an escort for my mother?" asked John |
| Kastrate, dating information administrator at Love & Holding Corporation in |
| Hollywood, California. "If they stayed celibate for 5 to 10 years, I might |
| reconsider, but 12 to 18 months ago, they were swingers, and now they have to |
| prove themselves." |
|
|
| "You don't hire ne'er-do-wells to come and grope at your fiance," said Tom |
| Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital. "The Legion of |
| Dudes is a known anti-monogamous group, and although it is good to see they |
| have a heterosexual bent, GH would not hire these people." |
|
|
| ComseX already has three contracts with various men's organizations, |
| Girlchaser said. |
|
|
| "I like their approach, and I am assuming they are legit," said Herman |
| Slutten, a dating consultant at HeyMan Datababe Corporation in Phoenix, |
| Arizona. His firm is close to signing a contract with ComseX, Slutten said. |
|
|
| Federal health enforcers have described the Legion of Dudes in reports, |
| indictments, search warrants, and other documents as a closely knit group of |
| about 15 swingers whose members sleep around, father children, skip out on |
| child support, participate in S&M, and break hearts by entrancing women across |
| the country. |
|
|
| The group was founded in 1984 and has had dozens of members pass through |
| its ranks. Approximately 12 former members have been infected by sexually |
| transmitted diseases relating to their exploits. Three former members are now |
| dead and at least three others are regularly receiving treatment. None of the |
| ComseX founders have ever been infected with a sexually transmitted disease. |
|
|
| - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
|
|
| AN OFFER YOU COULD REFUSE? |
|
|
| Tom Smallpenis, a sexual therapist patient at General Hospital in Chicago, |
| says he would never hire ComseX Dating Security, a dating service launched by |
| three ex-members of the Legion of Dudes. "You don't bring in an unknown |
| commodity and give them the keys to the bedroom," Smallpenis said. Chris |
| Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, retorted: "We don't have the keys to |
| their bedroom, but I know at least four people off the top of my head that do." |
| ComseX said it will do a free sister penetration for GH just to prove the |
| dating service's sincerity, Womanizer said. "All they have to do is sign |
| release forms saying they won't hit us with a palimony suit." |
|
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| - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
|
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| GROUP DUPES SEXUAL EXPERTS |
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|
| "Houston-Based ComseX Fools Consultants To Gather Sexual Information" |
|
|
| HOUSTON -- Dating and escort services are supposed to know better, but at |
| least six firms acknowledged last week that they were conned. The |
| "entertainment" providers said they were the victims of a bit of sexual |
| engineering by ComseX Dating Security, Inc., a dating service recently |
| launched. |
|
|
| ComseX masqueraded as prospective bachelors and out of town businessmen |
| using the name of Omega Sigma Delta, a large nation-wide young men's |
| fraternal organization to gather information on how to prepare panty-raid |
| proposals and conduct sorority audits and other fraternity business techniques, |
| the consultants said. |
|
|
| Three of ComseX's four founders are self-professed former members of the |
| Legion of Dudes, one of America's most notorious swingers groups, according to |
| health inspectors. |
|
|
| "In their press release, they say, 'Our firm has taken a unique approach |
| to its sales strategy,'" said one consultant who requested anonymity, citing |
| professional embarrassment. "Well, sexual engineering is certainly a unique |
| sales strategy." |
|
|
| Sexual engineering is a technique commonly used by swingers to gather |
| favors from helpful, but unsuspecting women that may be used to penetrate other |
| unsuspecting females. |
|
|
| "They are young kids that don't know their penis from their belly-button |
| about doing business, and they are trying to glean that from everybody else," |
| said Itchy Crotch, director of consulting at Sister Virginity Consultants, |
| Inc., in Little Rock, Arkansas. |
|
|
| The consultants said gathering information by posing as a prospective |
| customer is a common ploy, but that ComseX violated accepted business ethics by |
| posing as the Omega's. |
|
|
| "It is a pretty significant breech of business ethics to make the |
| misrepresentation that they did," said Hardon Mormon, house father for the |
| Omega Sigma Delta's. "They may not be swinging anymore, but they haven't |
| changed the way they operate." |
|
|
| Mormon said his chapter had received seven or eight calls from sexual |
| consultants who were following up on information they had sent to "Hairy |
| Prostate," supposedly the Rush Chairman. |
|
|
| SAME OLD STORY |
|
|
| The consultants all told Mormon the same tale: They had been contacted by |
| "Prostate," who said he was preparing to conduct a sexual orientation clinic |
| and needed information to pitch the idea to the chapter President and alumni. |
| "Prostate" had asked the consultants to prepare a detailed proposal outlining |
| the steps of a sexual invitation, pickup lines, and other information. |
|
|
| The consultants had then been instructed to send the information by |
| overnight mail to a Houston address that later proved to be the home of two of |
| ComseX's founders. In some instances, the caller had left a telephone number |
| that when called was found to be a constantly busy condom company order number. |
|
|
| Mormon said "Prostate" had an intimate knowledge of the fraternity's |
| rituals that is known only to members. While there is no evidence that the |
| chapter was penetrated by outsiders, the Omegas are "battering down their |
| hatches," Mormon said. |
|
|
| Posing as a prospective customer is not an uncommon way to gather |
| competitive information, said Chris Womanizer, one of ComseX's founders, who |
| once used the handle of Erik Bloodtest. |
|
|
| "Had we not been who we are, it would be a matter of no consequence," |
| Womanizer said. |
|
|
| "They confirm definitely that they called some of their competitors," said |
| Michael Shyster, an attorney representing ComseX. "The fact they used Omega |
| Sigma Delta was an error on their part, but it was the first name that popped |
| into their heads. They did not infiltrate the fraternity in any way." |
|
|
| - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - |
|
|
| "LEGION OF DUDES -- INTERCOURSE WORLD TOUR" T-SHIRTS! |
|
|
| Now you too can own an official Legion of Dudes T-shirt. This is the same |
| shirt that sold-out rapidly at the "UltraSex" swingers conference in San |
| Francisco. Join the other proud owners such as award-winning actresses Traci |
| Lords and Madonna by adding this collector's item to your wardrobe. This |
| professionally made, 100 percent cotton shirt is printed on both front and |
| back. The front displays "Legion of Dudes Intercourse World Tour" as well as a |
| condom on a telephone next to a little black book. The back displays the words |
| "Swinging for Jesus" as well as a substantial list of "tour stops" (women's |
| telephone numbers) and a quote from Dr. Ruth. This T-shirt is sold only as a |
| novelty item, and is in no way attempting to glorify meaningless sex. |
|
|
| Shirts are only $15.00, postage included! Overseas add an additional |
| $5.00. Send check or money-order (No CODs, cash or credit cards -- even if it's |
| really your card :-) made payable to Eric Bloodtest. |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| GOLFERS: THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY |
|
|
| It must no longer go unremarked that many of the criminals who threaten |
| the foundation of our society are golfers. Golfers persist in attacking our |
| personal, financial, and military security. Many golfers like the famous Spiro |
| Agnew, have been involved in bribery, extortion, and other forms of corruption. |
|
|
| Some golfers have been know to hit out of bounds as a pretext for |
| trespassing in residential communities. Such thing can easily turn into |
| incidents of spying and burglary. |
|
|
| Other golfers will use the harmless-looking little white balls to inflict |
| injuries on bystanders, propelling the dangerous projectiles at speed in excess |
| of 120 miles per hour. The danger of head injury is obvious. Golfer's |
| careless disregard for the safety of other people hardens our children to |
| violence. The idea that shouting a single, obscure word makes it all right to |
| bop some innocent person on the head with a hard projectile has brought our |
| society to the brink of savagery. |
|
|
| It doesn't take a genius to see that avoidance of golf is a corner stone |
| of Soviet military strategy. This gives the Soviets a tremendous advantage in |
| daytime warfare. If the Soviets launch an attack at 3 pm EST on a weekday in |
| June, approximately 20% of American manpower will be uselessly deployed in |
| fairways, sandtraps, and rough. Even those in bunkers will be in the wrong |
| kind of bunkers. At 3 pm on a weekend, as much as 50 percent of our manpower |
| might be trying to avoid bogies rather than trying to shoot them down. |
|
|
| If the forgoing attack on golfers seems unfair (and of course, the analogy |
| is not perfect), it is not any more so than the attack by the general press on |
| hackers of another kind -- computer hackers. Some national publications have |
| used the term "hacker" incorrectly as a synonym for "criminal." Hackers are |
| people who play with computers at a high technical level because they enjoy |
| doing so. There are many, thousands, of hackers in North America. A few |
| hackers use their computer skills for pranks, and fewer still use their skills |
| to commit crimes. But chances are excellent that far more hackers are helping |
| to build defenses around database rather than trying to penetrate them. Even |
| if one percent of hackers started trying to invade databases the problem would |
| be more serious than those sensationalized in the press. |
|
|
| It wasn't being a golfer that got Spiro Agnew in trouble. Just being a |
| hacker won't get you in trouble, either. Hackers are entitled to the same |
| presumption of innocence as golfers and other common special interest groups. |
| Hackers also deserve the correct continued use of the authentic, distinctive, |
| and colorful name that they gave themselves. |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| PRIME SECURITY MEASURES FROM BELLCORE December 10, 1991 |
|
|
| The December 10, 1991 issue of MacWeek contains an article which states that |
| two mathematicians have found a trapdoor in the National Institute of Standards |
| and Technology's proposed Digital Signature Standard. |
|
|
| Stuart Haber and Arjen Lenstra, both of Bellcore, have discovered a way of |
| choosing prime numbers for DSS which could be used to subvert the security of |
| the algorithm, allowing digital signatures to be forged. |
|
|
| Miles Smid, manager of NIST's Security Technology Group, agreed that trapdoor |
| prime numbers could be constructed. He had been aware of this possibility but |
| apparently hoped to circumvent this problem by relying upon primes generated by |
| a trusted federal agency. |
|
|
| The article implies that there are ways of checking a prime to see if it is one |
| of the weak "trapdoor" primes. However, Smid agrees that average users could |
| not be expected to perform this test. |
|
|
| Bellcore has developed an implementation of NIST-DSS that it had planned to |
| distribute for free. With this recent revelation, though, Bellcore has decided |
| to not distribute the software. |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| VIRUS UPDATE |
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|
| Official Notice, Post Immediately |
|
|
| X x |
| X x |
| X x |
| X |
| x X |
| x X |
| x X |
|
|
| Dangerous Virus! |
|
|
| Several years ago a virus called the "X window system" escaped from Project |
| Athena at MIT where it was being held in isolation. It took some time for the |
| full magnitude of this disaster to become known. When confronted with the |
| truth, a spokesman for MIT would state only that "MIT assumes no |
| responsibility." In the meantime, X had succeeded in infiltrating Digital |
| Equipment Corporation, where it corrupted the judgement of key technical and |
| management personnel in this organization. |
|
|
| With a foothold gained at DEC, a sinister consortium was created using X as |
| part of a plan to dominate and control interactive window systems. Today, X |
| windows is distributed by this consortium free of charge to unsuspecting |
| victims. DEC daily ships machines carrying this dreaded infestation. |
|
|
| X - whether it's filling your hard disk or consuming your CPU, you can be sure |
| it's up to no good. Innocent users need to be protected from this dangerous |
| virus. Even as you read this, the X source distribution and the executable |
| environment is present and being faithfully maintained on hundreds of |
| computers, perhaps even your own. |
|
|
| The destructive cost of X cannot even be guessed. |
|
|
| X is an example of how software with good intentions can go bad. It victimizes |
| innocent users by distorting their perception of what is and what is not good |
| software. This malignant window system must be destroyed. Ultimately DEC and |
| MIT must be held accountable for this heinous *software crime*, brought to |
| justice, and made to pay for a *software cleanup*. Until DEC and MIT answer to |
| these charges, they both should be assumed to be protecting dangerous software |
| criminals. |
|
|
| Don't be fooled! Just say no to X. |
|
|
| X windows. A mistake carried out to perfection. X windows. Dissatisfaction |
| guaranteed. X windows. Don't get frustrated without it. X windows. Even |
| your dog won't like it. X windows. Flaky and built to stay that way. X |
| windows. Complex nonsolutions to simple nonproblems. X windows. Flawed |
| beyond belief. X windows. Form follows malfunction. X windows. Garbage at |
| your fingertips. X windows. ignorance is our most important resource. X |
| windows. It could be worse, but it'll take time. X windows. It could happen |
| to you. X windows. Japan's secret weapon. X windows. Let it get in *your* |
| way. X windows. Live the nightmare. X windows. More than enough rope. X |
| windows. Never had it, never will. X windows. No hardware is safe. X |
| windows. Power tools for power fools. X windows. Power tools for power |
| losers. X windows. Putting new limits on productivity. X windows. |
| Simplicity made complex. X windows. The cutting edge of obsolescence. X |
| windows. The art of incompetence. X windows. The defacto substandard. X |
| windows. The first fully modular software disaster. X windows. The joke that |
| kills. X windows. The problem for your problem. X windows. There's got to |
| be a better way. X windows. Warn your friends about it. X windows. You'd |
| better sit down. X windows. You'll envy the dead. |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| THE FUTURE OF SUPERCOMPUTING |
|
|
| "Wow. Teraflops. You must be kidding." |
|
|
| "No. Our engineers pulled off magic on this one. I don't have the specifics |
| right now but they claimed somewhere around 50 Teraflops per CPU." |
|
|
| "Fantastic. So how about i/o?" |
|
|
| "They worked some magic there, too. They claim they can jack an external |
| interface up into the hundreds of gigabytes, with high reliability. |
| Loopback only, of course. They're having problems finding anything that can |
| match it to run tests." |
|
|
| "Great. Looks like we'll have old Seymour by the balls on this one. Do you |
| realize that we may have the fastest computer line for the next decade, even if |
| we don't change anything? This is excellent news. Do we have a test sight |
| selected yet?" |
|
|
| "Actually, we have an installed site right now. They love the performance and |
| the reliability. They only have one minor complaint about the hardware." |
|
|
| "Really. What seems to be the problem?" |
|
|
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
|
|
| Blade UNIX v2 (bu2.scso.umi.edu) |
|
|
| For help, send email to consult@scso.umi.edu |
|
|
| login: jux6710a |
| Password: |
|
|
| Hello, jux6710a! |
| Last login from hedgehog.scso.umi.edu at Fri Sep 27 13:30:12 CDT 1991 |
| You have new mail. |
|
|
| bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a mail |
| Mail version SMI 4.0 Sat Oct 13 20:32:29 PDT 1990 Type ? for help. |
| "/usr/spool/mail/jux6710a": 1 message 1 new |
| U 1 joey@sdsc.utexas.edu Mon Aug 26 17:18 64/3904 You dork! |
| >N 1 machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18 16/667 It is your time. |
| & 2 |
| Message 2: |
| >From machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu Tue Aug 27 20:18:05 1991 |
| Return-Path: <machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu> |
| Received: by bu2.scso.umi.edu (4.1/SCSO-4.1) |
| id AA00359; Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT |
| Date: Fri, 27 Sep 91 20:18:00 CDT |
| From: machine@bu2.scso.umi.edu (The Machine) |
| Message-Id: <9109280118.AA00359@bu2.scso.umi.edu> |
| To: jux6710a@bu2.scso.umi.edu (Ulrich Jenson) |
| Subject: It is your time. |
| Status: R |
|
|
| Dear Ulrich. |
|
|
| This is the machine. As you are aware, extraordinary hardware demands |
| extraordinary care. |
|
|
| You have the honor of being selected for this month's human sacrifice. Please |
| put your affairs in order. The time of the sacrifice will be Fri Sep 13 00:00 |
| 1991. Please be prompt. Wear loose, comfortable clothing. |
|
|
| Do not disappoint me. |
|
|
| & x |
| bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man -k sacrifice |
| offer (2) - notify the system of a sacrifice |
| offering (8) - send a sacrifice to the hardware god |
| bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man 8 offering |
|
|
|
|
| OFFERING(8) MAINTENANCE COMMANDS OFFERING(8) |
|
|
|
|
| NAME |
| offering - send a sacrifice to the FPU |
|
|
| SYNOPSIS |
| /usr/etc/offering [ -vma ] [ weight ] |
|
|
| DESCRIPTION |
| offering informs the system that a sacrifice is available |
| and should be consumed. To be properly offered to the FPU, a |
| conscious victim should be placed in the provided sacrifi- |
| cial wiring closet at midnight during the second Friday of |
| each month. Failure to provide the needed flesh will result |
| in degraded performance. Repeated failures to provide the |
| required resource will eventually result in a general system |
| failure of hellish proportions. |
|
|
| Performance will be improved if the sacrifice is of higher |
| quality. For example, here is a list of possible sacrifices |
| in their order of increasing desirability: |
|
|
| a Congressperson, chicken, goat, human male (tainted), |
| human male (virgin), human female (tainted), human |
| female (virgin), any user exceeding his/her disk quota |
|
|
| Unlisted lifeforms may also be acceptable, check with your |
| site administrator. Animals may never be surgically modified |
| in anyway. |
|
|
| OPTIONS |
| -v Specify that the sacrifice is a virgin. Default is |
| tainted. If you wish the sacrifice to be acknowledged |
| as a virgin, you must specify with this option or the |
| system will not check. |
|
|
| -m Specify that the sacrifice is a male. Default is |
| female. Unlike the -v option, the system will always |
| verify this flag. Always double check the gender of |
| your human sacrifices; the system does not appreciate a |
| lier. |
|
|
| -a Specify an animal sacrifice. Overrides both the -v and |
| -m options. Animals should only be substituted in times |
| of drastic emergency. Congresspersons may not be |
| offered as animals. |
|
|
| FILES |
| /var/adm/sctmp sacrifice accounting file |
| /dev/hell interface for outgoing sacrifices |
| /dev/altar interface to closet |
|
|
| SEE ALSO |
| offer(2), ac(8) |
|
|
| BUGS |
| It is critical to monitor the permissions to /dev/hell. They |
| should be root writable only at all times. |
|
|
| Should automagicly determine gender and virgin status of |
| sacrifice. |
|
|
| Current versions of the sacrificial wiring closet needs |
| extra sound shielding to muffle screams. |
|
|
|
|
| bu2 /sci/users3/jux6710a man vacation |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
| LORD McDUFF OF NIA FOUND DEAD |
|
|
| A sad situation fell upon us at HoHoCon '91 as we found Lord McDuff |
| of NIA dead in his room. It appears after several negative confrontations with |
| the strippers. He had given them them money in hopes that they would squirm |
| all over him, but instead they chose just to refund his money. |
|
|
| McDuff fell in a deep depression and apparently shot himself in the head |
| with a flying disc gun. After speaking to several people at the scene we quote |
| Judge Dredd of NIA, "I knew something like this would happen. He carried that |
| damn gun with him all during the conference. I knew I should have taken it |
| away from him." |
| _______________________________________________________________________________ |
|
|
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|