| ==Phrack Inc.== |
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| Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #8 of 10 |
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| % Phrack Presents... % |
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| * Computerists Underground News-Tabloid * |
| % By Crimson Death % |
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| Welcome to the first issue of Computerist's Underground News-Tabloid. Now, |
| I am sure you are thinking, "aren't 'news' and tabloid basically synonymous? |
| Isn't that a bit redundant?". Hell, YES! It is! But "we" don't care. Names |
| don't mean a DAMNED thing to us! Hell, NO! What we care about it NEEEEWS! Hard- |
| core, FACTUAL news. That's why we tell it like it is. All Bullsh-t aside. You |
| don't like what you're seeing? Don't read it! These are the "Bob"-damned facts, |
| buddy. This is a tough world we live in. Things aren't always as pretty as we'd |
| like them to be. It's a Dog-Eat-Dog world. If you can't take it, you won't make |
| it, and it's as simple as that. So read and learn! It's OUR world, and only WE |
| can change it, so keep informed! |
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| Editor-in-Chief |
| Crimson Death |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| DREADFUL DIGITAL DILEMA |
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| "IT'S TRUE!", say top scientists at South Hampton Institute of Technology, |
| "Within three years, the world will face its worst dilema in ages." A new |
| strain of virus called C-AIDS (Computer/Artifical Intelligence Deficiency |
| System) will begin attacking micro-chips around the globe. |
| Where is it coming from? Scientists aren't quite sure, but believe it to |
| be a combination of many industrial waste products that float around in the |
| air, and human virus! How can this be? Well, that is uncertain right now. |
| Dr. Harry Koch claims, "We just don't know, but it's comming!" Religious |
| groups claim it's a sign from God to "slow down". Our resident psychic believes |
| it's a plague sent down by aliens to hinder us in catching up to their |
| technology. |
| Just what will this mean? The downfall of many businesses, government |
| problems, stock market crash, media troubles! You name it! Almost everything is |
| run by computers these days. The world will be in shambles. Barbarian times |
| will set in! People will start using their minds! Something needs to be |
| done, and QUICK! |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| QUICK QUOTES |
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| "IT'S TRUE," says: |
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| Line Breaker, "I ran a Commodore 64 BBS with 100 megabytes of storage!" |
| American Telephone and Telegraph, "Our rates really ARE the cheapest!" |
| The Traveller, "My Jackin Box plans work! You just play with the little lever |
| until it pops up!" |
| Cheshire Catalyst, "I did play Shaggy on Scooby Doo...but, hey, that's all in |
| the past now!" |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| ROBOT CLONE SEEKS PHREAKS AND TRACKS HACKS |
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| "IT'S TRUE!", say our inside sources, "Bell Telephone Labs is currently |
| working on a high tech robot to seek out Phone Phreaks and Hackers. I have seen |
| one...they're almost life like, and it's scary!" |
| Right now, there are only a few, but BTL plans to soon put them into mass |
| production. This means Bulletin Board Systems throughout the U.S. will be |
| teeming with these undercover agents. Two known NERD's (Neurologically |
| Enhanced Robotic Detectives) are John Maxfield, a Detroit based android running |
| a business called Board Scan; and Daniel Pasquale, a former officer of the law, |
| located in California. |
| How can we protect ourselves? Well, we're not quite sure, but our |
| resident scientists are working on it now! |
| More on this topic as it unfolds. |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Latest news on Robot Clones: Rumor has it that N.E.R.D., John Maxfield |
| has contracted a premature case of C-AIDS. If asked, he only denies, but an |
| inside agent of ours at BTL said that he has been coming there for treatments. |
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| FAMED PHREAK FATHERED BY FUZZIES |
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| "IT'S TRUE!", says a close friend of Scott Ellentuch (better known as |
| Tuc) the sysop of RACS-III BBS, and former co-editor of Tap Magazine. "He |
| doesn't like to talk about it, but he was infact raised by a pack of male |
| Guinea Pigs!" |
| At the tender age of three months old, the sibling Tuc was abandoned on |
| a doorstep in Manhattan. Unfortunately for the tot, the owner of the house was |
| an old druken man, who threw the poor baby into the trash before his wife got |
| home and found it. Luckily, a pack of wandering Guinea Pigs were on the hunt |
| for food, an happened upon the child. They then took him to their nesting in |
| Central Park, and raised him like one of their own. |
| One day, at the age of 10, Tuc was apprehended by the police after being |
| caught shopplifting a bag of cedar chips at a local pet shop. It was decided |
| in court that he was a not a criminal, but just misguided because of his fate. |
| He was then put in an adoption home until taken in by the Ellentuch's. |
| A crack reporter of ours decided to seek out these kindly rodents, and |
| ask about any grievances they may have about little "Zippy" (the name given |
| to him by his furry brothers). When questioned, they only replied with a |
| squeek, and left a few dung pellets. I suppose that's their way of saying, |
| "Come on back, Zip, we miss ya..." |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| NEW PHREAK KLASS CO-SYSOPED BY DEMON FROM HELL |
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| "IT'S TRUE!", says respected Demonologist, Dr. Jack Goff, from Hawaii |
| State University, founder of the Academy of Supernatural Studies. "A modem |
| user, who dons the handle 'The Executioner' has been possessed by an evil |
| demon from the netherworld!" |
| The Executioner, of New Jersey State, co-sysop of the revived Phreak |
| Klass 2600 (ran by The Egyptian Lover), and the 'Leader' of the also-revived |
| PhoneLine Phantoms, was "once a nice person", according to many of his old |
| friends. What caused his plunge into the sadistic-egotistical world he now |
| lives in? Black magick! |
| His mother spoke with us. "Ever since he ate that bad can of Spaghettios, |
| you know...the ones with the sliced franks, he hasn't been the same. |
| Day-by-day, he gets worse-and-worse. It's like living with...a...a...monster!" |
| At that point, the poor woman broke into tears. But, she couldn't have been |
| more on the money if she were sitting on it! The truth is, while eating a plate |
| of those Spaghettios (you know, the one's with the sliced franks in them), |
| he was reading out of a book he bought the week before called "101 Ways to |
| Summon a Demon". Thinking it was all a bunch of nonsense, he read one of the |
| 'prayers' aloud. From then on, the poor boy has been inhabited by the demon, |
| Isuzu. |
| Sorry to say, Dr. Goff claims this demon is a "one of a kind". So far, |
| there are no known ways to Ex-orcise (pun intended) the dreaded Isuzu. "It's |
| a shame for the lad...I guess we will have to put up with his sadistic, ego- |
| tistical, obnoxious, rude, loud, ragging posts and attitudes for awhile." |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| SCIENTIFIC STUDIES SHOW... |
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| If you put an infinate number of Taran King's in a room for an infinate |
| number of years, you probably still couldn't get Metal Shop Private to stay up |
| for over 30 days. |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| LOD/H MEMBER DISMEMBERS MEMBERS |
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| "IT'S TRUE!" says an anonymous member of the 'Modem World', "Until now, |
| it has been all hush-hush, but in reality, there are only a couple LOD/H |
| members alive today...it's frightening, and it's hard to believe, yet it |
| happened." |
| Just what did happen you ask? What is the truth behind the drop-out of |
| many LODers? How come the group has dwindled to a petty few? Murder! Yes, cold- |
| blooded throat-slashing MURDER! "Who? How? Why? ", you say? Well, that's what I |
| am here for, and that's what you're going to find out. |
| In December of '86, an LOD/H meeting was held at The Mariott, in |
| Philadelphia, in which all of the members had attended. During a discussion on |
| the current MCI cracked-down, someone said, "Hey, let's pause this conver- |
| sation for 30 minutes, 'Punky Brewster' is coming on." It was at this point |
| that everyone in the room quieted, and The Videosmith stood up and threw a |
| glass of Pink Lemonade at the TV. He then ran out of the room yelling "Fuck |
| this shit! It all makes my balls itch!" Moments later he returned with a 17 |
| inch machete, and a can of Raid. He had shaved his head, and was wearing a |
| shirt that said, "Buckwheat say 'Drugs NOT O-Tay!'" He was obviously deranged. |
| He proceded to spray everyone's hair with raid, until the can finally |
| ran out. As the group stood in awe, he slashed all of them into tiny bite- |
| size pieces...one by one. He then sat down, and watched the rest of Punky |
| Brewster, and to this day, has no recollection of what had happened. Only |
| those few, who had been at Denny's at the time, remained. |
| Following this massacre, he was treated at the Jason Voorhees Institute |
| for the Criminaly Insane, and is no longer a member of LOD/H. |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Well, that about raps it up for the first issue of the Tabloid. There may |
| be a few more in the future, I am not sure at this point right now. I hope you |
| all enjoyed it, and that only AT&T, The Traveller, and Line Breaker were of- |
| fended. |
| I'd like to have some comments on how you felt about it, so let me know. |
| Also, let me know if you figured out all of the puns and acronyms. |
| ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
| Call these Awesome Boards: |
|
|
| Lou's RBBS.................215-462-4335 Sysop: Louis Acok |
| Grendel's Liar (sic).......415-679-2600 Sysop: Stan the Man |
| KKK-Kool BBS...............404-343-5397 Sysop: Kurt Waldheim |
|
|
