| ==Phrack Inc.== |
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| Volume Two, Issue 13, Phile #3 of 10 |
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| \|/ How to fuck up the world \|/ |
| /|\ Writen 10:03 pm December 2nd 1986 /|\ |
| \|/ by the Neon Knights and Metal Communications \|/ |
| /|\ Thanx to the Metallain,Zandar Zan,Marlbro Reds,ACID,The High Lord /|\ |
| \|/ Satan,Apple Maniac,The Necrophiliac&The Necrophobic (for theri awesome\|/ |
| /|\ dox-file skils),SLayer,Megadeth,Overkill,Samhain,The Misfits (fuck yea/|\ |
| \|/ Hi Glenn!),The Blade,Killer Kurt,and Steve Wozniak even thouhg hes a \|/ |
| /|\ wimp! /|\ |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ |
| /|\ Fuck off all niggers jews commusnists retarted /|\ |
| \|/ arabians peopel who dont own computers and any welfare starving shit \|/ |
| /|\ headed bastard who doesnt have an Applecat modem! /|\ |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ |
| /|\ Im not even going to write a list of boards for you to call. Well /|\ |
| \|/ what the fuck I guess I will put at least one..... \|/ |
| /|\ Call the Metal AE (201)-(879)-(666)-(8) for the latest in Neon /|\ |
| \|/ Knights wares and for a cool board/cool sysop/cool wares/just all \|/ |
| /|\ around cool! /|\ |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ |
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| The Phile itself: |
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| When your like me and get bored eassily its veryt hard to keep fuctiong the way |
| your parents expet you to. I would go out with Killer Kurt all the time and dest |
| roy evrything we coiuld find that looked stupid,get drunk off my ass,trip on aci |
| d(like im doing righ now),use the necronimiconm to summon a watcher to kill my t |
| eachewrs my douchbag bratty sister and the fat sickining son of a bitch that liv |
| es next door to me,and my parents would very rarely do anything to try to stop m |
| e. i gues they just thought i was goin throuhg a phase or sometihg like that. We |
| ll I finalyl hit upon the perfect combination of things to do that not only get |
| your parents to reac, the are a hell of a lot of fun and cause so much evil, cha |
| os, and havoc that Satan will be sure to reservbe a good seat in Hell for you. S |
| o now Here are step by stpe instructins on HOW TO FUCK UP THE WORLD |
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| Step one:Get.a large supply fo plastics garbage bags, gas or other very flammabl |
| le shit,and a flamsthrower or somet other way to light fires from a distance (ju |
| st to make sure you dont die yourself before your ready).Also i forgot to mentio |
| n,take a good amount of drugs befoere you start doin this so youll be able to fi |
| nish what you start.I reccommend about three hits of blotter acid (4way album co |
| ver is best,thats what i use),about 2 grams of weed (smoked),some mescaline if y |
| ou can get it (arizona is a great place to pick it yourself),and of course the g |
| ood old american tradition of JACK DANIELS. Most people mix this with coke but I |
| have invented a new way to do it,which ya do by mixing it with JOLT cola instead |
| . tHIS (godamn fuckin caps lock key) will get you really goin, you may want to |
| use some speed as well so you dont pass out and some ludes or other type of down |
| er just to keep you balancd well. now make sure you can still stand up (once you |
| get that far the rest will come naturaly) and get in yer pickup (if you dont hav |
| e a pickup there is no hope for ya!) and drive. Oh remember to take the gas, bag |
| s, and light with you. |
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| Step two: Drive to a secluded area and preparew for your assault on the armies o |
| f the conformist bastards. What your gonna be doin here is summoning a demon. Th |
| is is one of the waeker types according to the Necromnicon so you can control it |
| easily in your druged state but powerful enouhg to actually be of use to ya. So |
| draw yer pentagram on the ground,get a Slayer tapepl aying (no motley crue!!! or |
| the demon will laugh its ass off at you before killing you and eating your soul. |
| Adn thats a big waste of time not to mention no fun at all.) set candles at all |
| cardinal points and cut a long incision down the lenght of your arm about frmo |
| mid-bicep to just before your wrist as you dont want to bleed to death,just enou |
| gh to get about 3/4 of a pint or so. Drip all this blood inside the pent.,and ch |
| ant the following: |
| "YOGGIH PPEDRILS, STOWART EHNTAHL SHILGLI DRAGGULS UOHT!" |
| Say this5 times and you shoukld noteice the candles flikckering (hmm i blieve th |
| e rrUSH is starting to come on nwo, this sucker relly was worht 40 a sheet!!)! B |
| y the way that shit up there that ya say is not nay kind of backjwards bullshit, |
| it is the real stuff. I paid 40 bux for my copy of the youknowwhat so i oughtta |
| know. now where was i o yeah. Onece the damn thing appears thjen you gotta estab |
| lish control over it real qiock before it start getting any ideas. by the way in |
| caser you wodering what it will look like it is a big motherfucker approx. 20 fe |
| eet tall with green leathery sking. If you get the wrong one it doesnt really ma |
| tter that much anywayt since youll be dyin soon but it helps. so now get it to f |
| ly along above yer truck (tell it to be invisible so ya dont have peopl starin a |
| t ya!) and drive back to whereever it is that your gonna destroy. |
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| Step three: stop back at yer house wreal quick and pick up the follwng. If you d |
| ont have all this at house then just go by a hardware storte and a drugstore and |
| picjk it up. if the owner objkects then just take out his kneecaps with your cro |
| wbar and he wont be goin anywhere for a long time. |
| 30 dozen hammers |
| 50 gallons of paint (asorted colors is nice but not necesary) |
| (jesus this is weird, have any of you ever seen ther letters on yer screen wiggl |
| ing and boucing didnt think so!!) now where was i/ |
| 5-10 tanks of propane |
| 100+ gallons of gas (for a seperate use than the gas i alreadyu mentiond) |
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| from the drugstore,or your closet if your like me and keep a constant supply of |
| every kind of drug ever made): |
| 1,000 doses of pseudoephedrine (there we go,i spelled it right! well ive got the |
| catalog next to me so fuck it anyway,it doesnt mean shit.neuither does your mama |
| . i think im getting off track - wel then again it is kind og amazing cause my |
| ingers are twichin so bad) |
| 5,000 doses of LSD |
| 250 doses of qualudes |
| 600 cases of JACK DANIELS |
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| ok now for the good part. Consume all of these yourself! HAAHAHA! i bet you thou |
| ght you were suposed to put them in the citys water supply or soething! but now |
| you better get moving cause this is all gonna take effect within the hour! but i |
| f ya wanna save some to put in the citywater then go ahead,you wont have quite a |
| s much fun but who the fuck am i to tell you exactly how to do things. |
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| Step four: Drive to the heart of the city. on the way see how many little old la |
| dies and fag poodles ya can hit. When ya get to the talest building in town smas |
| h into a fire hydrant in front of it. now get out and run like a bitch *just hav |
| e the demon carry all the shit for ya*! and go to the FUCKEN TOP of the building |
| . here is where you do all this. |
| Make the demon inhale all the propane, and give him the smaler amount of gas (th |
| e one I talked about first..go back about 70 lins or so./) to drionk. Now hes al |
| l set. now YOU have to get on his back. make him carry the hammers and paint and |
| the largetr amount of gas. Have him take off and fly all over the city aas he fl |
| ys just throw hammers down at building windows and people and paint at both of t |
| hose too! Now i bet you thinking i forgot all about those garbage bags and the f |
| lamethrowr. Hell no i didnt! with the little bit of propane hes got left have hi |
| m blow up the bags so they make a giant baloon. now you take the big amount of g |
| as and drink it (after all those other drugs it should be a smnap!) and jump. Wi |
| th your weight off him and all that propane in him and with that baloon he will |
| instantly take off straight up into heaven, where he will cause some wicked shit |
| to happen! As for you, you will fly down and hit the ground, and be goin so fast |
| that you go right through all the way to Hell. Once you get there all the gas in |
| you will ingite and BOOM! Satan will be proud of you for sure! a perfect ending |
| to a perfect day! |
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| /|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\/|\ |
| \|/ Keep those credits up there excatly as they are (inother words,puttin\|/ |
| /|\ your K-K00l board up there WONT be tolerated!) or we will fuck you up. /|\ |
| \|/ If ya dont believe us by now your retarted. -Killer Kurt \|/ |
| /|\ -And the rest of the 'knights! /|\ |
| \|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\\|//|\ |
| /|\ Copywrit 1986 by Neon Knights/Metal Communications/ /|\ |
| \|/ Black Death/No Love \|/ |
| /|\ We're rad...we kill children! /|\ |
| \|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/\|/ |
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| Oh, and by the way, the above file was a parody by UrLord, Thomas Covenant. |
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